So, remember how we were in London last summer?

Of course you do… I spent a moth sharing pictures of our trip to Europe… And do you remember these pictures?

IMG_1646I shared a bunch of pictures of the two helicopters flying down the river Thames, and popping up right beside Big Ben and the Parliament building…

IMG_1633And I told you that they were filming a scene from a James Bond movie, and we were there to see it.

Well, we went and saw Spectre yesterday. It was exciting for a few reasons. First of all, it was our 16-year-old daughter’s first Bond movie. But then, to see the scenes at the end of the movie, where the bad guy’s helicopter is shot down, and to realize that we were all there to see part of it being made… that was freekin’ awesome!

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Anyway, if you don’t remember the original posts I did, you should go back and read them, because I don’t want to tell the whole story again. I am just lazy that way.

 

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Is anybody else having weird problems since WordPress made the last unwanted changes?

The first thing I noticed was that when I clicked the new post button, I went to a blank page.

Next, I had trouble adding images to a new post.

Then, I couldn’t add stuff to my pages set to my buttons in the top bar anymore without going through the dashboard.

Now… and this is the most annoying one of all, my comment drop box menu is all messed up. If I click on a comment… whichever comment I click on first… that is the only one that will show in the secondary box where you reply to comments. I can click on more of the new comments, but the other pop up box remains the same. It is still the first comment I clicked on.

Hey, wordpress. You know what is more annoying than you making changes we don’t want?

You making changes we don’t want that mess up the stuff we do want.

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Woohoo… party naked!!!

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Okay, I am not really advocating naked partying, I am just trying to express the fact that I am not depressed anymore…

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Being a self-published author sort of sucks…

I am not quite sure what it is I am doing wrong, but I actually seem to be losing money. My sales from copies I order to be sent to me at home have dried up… because I never go anywhere where people buy books.

I sell a few direct orders online when people click on the links on my blog, but the margin of profit is so small that so far, I have gotten only one royalty check from the publisher… for $43.37.

My mom is my best sales rep… she has lots of friends with grandkids, and so far, everybody say the kids love my books for children. But when she sells a few, she wants me to send her more, so I order more to be sent to her house… and between what I pay for the books, even with my author’s discount, and the shipping, I seem to be paying almost exactly as much as I am making.

I could charge more, but that would drive the sales down even lower.

On top of all that, the princess novel I am working on… The Seven Kingdoms… is driving me crazy. My older daughter makes a good point. I can’t make it too intense, because preteens won’t be able to read it, but, as Jessica points out, teenagers have no interest in stories about princesses, no matter how kick-ass they are. So who is my target audience? Who is going to read that one?

I am trying hard not to let this get me down… but I really need to focus on getting an agent.

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The Seven Kingdoms… chapter 4…

The Seven Kingdoms

 

Chapter Four

 

Zareena Shoal Evergreen, princess of the kingdom of Evergreen, sat before a fire in one of the large fireplaces set around the great hall. She was embroidering a border of green leaves and vines on the hem of a cloak for her mother-in-law, the queen. She glanced to her right and saw that her husband had fallen into a doze in the chair beside her, and she smiled at the way that his mouth had fallen open. She knew that he would begin snoring at any moment.

A flurry of activity and movement caught her attention, and she turned her head to see two young men and two young women approach and stop before her. She was about to ask the plainly-dressed young people what it was that they wanted, when she suddenly recognized the two girls. She set aside her sewing and stood to embrace Hildy and Lawry, then motioned for the four visitors to follow her to a smaller room off the great hall. She shut the doors behind her, then turned to Hildy.

“My dear child, wherever have you been?” she asked in a rush.

Hildy had to smile. “I’m 17 and you are barely 20, and I have done a lot of growing up in the last week, so I will thank you not to call me a child.”

Zareena hastened to apologize, but Hildy waved it away. “I am just making a joke, Zar. I have found that humor makes a strong weapon against tragedy.”

“We were preparing to board ship to come to your wedding when one of our trade vessels sailed into the bay with word that you had fled after inflicting a somewhat indelicate injury upon your future husband,” Zareena told them. “We didn’t know what to do. We came back to the castle to await further word. Then, a few days later, more of our traders began to arrive back home, telling us of an invasion of Halfmoon by Skull soldiers.”

“You must know more about it than we do,” Hildy said quickly. “Please, tell me all that you can. I was hiding in Lawry’s rooms, and we had to leave in a rush right after she first heard word of the invasion.”

“I am so sorry, Hildy,” Zareena replied, grabbing Hildy’s hands in hers. “All we know is that many of your father’s soldiers were killed in the fighting.”

Hildy was shocked. “That makes no sense! Soldiers rarely die in battle. Broken bones and cracked heads are common enough from the slingers’ wooden projectiles or a well-struck blow from a staff. But this is unheard of!”

“We have been questioning our people who fled from Halfmoon, but so far we haven’t found any who actually witnessed the fighting.” Zareena turned to Lawry. “And what of you? We were planning to come to your wedding soon.”

Hildy interrupted her. “Her prince turned out to be no better a prize than mine. What news have you heard of my parents?”

Again Zareena turned to Hildy and again gripped her hands. “Of course we asked all the refugees about that, but no one could tell us anything. I am so sorry, truly I am. I’m sure they are alive and well. The Skulls wouldn’t dare risk angering all the other kingdoms by harming them.”

“I need to sit down,” Hildy said quietly.

Zareena set herself to making her guests comfortable. She called for the palace staff to prepare rooms for them to stay in, and sent for food to be brought from the kitchens. Then she settled them into the room that the princesses would share, and got them seated at a table. While the four travelers ate, she questioned them gently, learning everything she could about all that had transpired.

“You can all stay here for as long as you wish or need to,” she assured them. “I will have one of our trade ships take the boat back to Middle, and deliver it to your father,” she said to Tull and Tolly. “I suggest you send a note telling him that you are safe. I will send some coins to compensate him for the loss of his two assistants. And thank you both for helping my friends.”

The boys assured her that it was their pleasure, and thanked her for her thoughtfulness.

The doors opened, and the king and queen swept into the room. Vorner Tagg Evergreen was a tall, thin man with long, gray hair. His wife, Tiva, once a princess of Flame, was short, plump, and bosomy. Hildy had always liked the unlikely pair, thinking of them as an aunt and uncle, and had to hide a smile as she was once again reminded of the fact that their son was also tall and thin, while Zar was, indeed, short and very full figured.

The queen rushed over to Hildy and crouched down to embrace her, even as she began to stroke her hair and coo into her ear. “There there, child, all will be well. You are safe now.”

The king had always been an energetic sort, and he began pacing back and forth across the room. “Quite right, my dear, you are always more than welcome here. We are very glad to know that you are safe and well. I was planning on sending my emissaries to Halfmoon in a day or two to find out the intentions of those Skull brigands. I shall send them now, and instruct them to ascertain the condition and whereabouts of your parents. This will not stand, I can assure you of that. The civilized world will unite against this outrageous act of vile treachery!”

“Hush now, my love,” the queen interjected. “Don’t upset the child. Can’t you see that she is exhausted?”

Prince Evvord Stanet Evergreen chose that moment to stride into the room. “I seem to have slept right through all the excitement,” he said in a bleary tone, gazing around the room in befuddlement.

For some strange reason, this brought everyone in the room to laughter, which the prince good-naturedly joined in. Things were very busy for a while as the visitors were fussed over. The queen made sure the girls had everything they needed, and that the boys had comfortable rooms in another part of the castle,  a point that the queen went to some pains to make clear. The king sputtered about for a bit, then left to make sure his emissaries were well prepared for their mission. The prince made himself useful in any way that his wife suggested. Zareena, for her part, made sure the visitors ate their fill, then sent the two young fishermen off to their rooms, escorted by one of the palace staff. Then she shooed everyone, including herself, out, so that the princesses could get some sleep.

 

Time passed while they waited for the return of the emissaries. At last, early on the fifth day, the ship carrying the delegation returned to the harbor. They all gathered in the great hall to hear the report.

The leader of the delegation was a gray-bearded and wise-looking old man. He also had a kind heart. Before even addressing the king, he turned to Hildy. “Your parents are alive and in good health, Princess. I was allowed to speak briefly with them. They are confined to their rooms, but I assure you, they are not being mistreated.”

“But what of the Skulls?” demanded the king. “What are their plans? What do they want?”

The emissary turned towards the king. “Prince Nardis was very clear on that point. He demands that Princess Hildread be returned to Halfmoon immediately. He says that the wedding will take place, and only then will the king and queen be released and the Skull soldiers sail back to Skull.”

“That impudent wretch!” bellowed King Vorner. “To make such a demand of us. Does he think that we won’t protect the child? Why, we have watched her grow from a tiny babe in her mother’s arms. My wife was there, in the room, and helped deliver her. I myself held her when she was mere minutes old!”

“That isn’t all, I’m afraid,” the emissary continued. “He came right out and said that if she isn’t returned within five days, that Skull troops would be sent to take her by force. He said, in fact, that he would lead those troops himself.”

The room fell silent. The king rose from his chair, his face red. “Call my captains!” He shouted. He turned to Hildy. “I know not how the Skull rabble managed to subdue your father, a notable warrior, and his troops so quickly. No doubt through some treachery or betrayal. But know this, dear child. You shall be safe here, upon my honor and my life.”

“Hear hear!” shouted his son.

The queen kissed her husband’s cheek.

“Now, ladies,” the king said, “leave us, if you would be so kind. We have a war to prepare for.”

As the women left the great hall, Hildy sidled close to Lawry. “Seeing as how this war is mostly about me, don’t you think that they ought to let us stay and help with the planning?” she whispered.

“You know, I was thinking exactly the same thing myself,” Lawry replied.

 

Two days later, the king summoned the princesses to his side in the great hall once again. This time, he addressed Lawry. “I fear I have foul news from Middle, Princess. Word has reached us that Prince Cronan, who was to have been your husband, has married your sister.”

“What?” Lawry raged. “But she is a child. Narya has only just turned 15.”

“Yes, well, as it turns out, your parents objected on those very grounds as well. But, during the night, more Skull soldiers arrived by ship, and, after disembarking in the predawn hours, forced their way into the castle.”

Lawry was so stunned that she couldn’t reply.

“There is good news to go with the bad,” the king hastened to assure her. “Because the surprise was so complete, there was no loss of life at all. A few injuries, to be sure, but no one died.”

“The world has gone insane,” was all Lawry could think to say.

“I have sent word to the other kingdoms,” the king went on to say. “It is obvious that we must band together to stop the Skulls, lest they subdue us each individually. Their own actions have insured their defeat.”

Hildy walked Lawry back to their rooms with an arm around her shoulder. She whispered words of encouragement, words that, even to her, rang hollow.

 

Four days after that, a fleet of more than a hundred ships sailed into the great bay and anchored off Evergreentown. The ships bore the black and white sails of the kingdom of Skull.

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The map of the Seven Kingdoms… from that new novel I am working on…

seven kingdoms map

I know I have posted this before, but I am going to try to stick it in the whole, continuous version of the book… up there… in the top bar… under the button called: The Seven Kingdoms… if I can remember how to stick stuff there now that wordpress has made even more unwanted changes…

That way, you can be reminded of where things are taking place in relation to the world as the book gets written… speaking about which, chapter 4 is almost done, and I am hoping to add it later today.

And, just so you know, the action is heating up.

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If Trump and Carson had a love child… that would be one stupid baby…

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Sorry… I feel bad about that one… no baby deserves that…

Posted in funny famous people pictures, My art | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Hey, remember when the princess kicked the prince right in the nuts?

No… not in real life, silly… in that new novel I am writing… the one where we are taking the princesses back from the Disney Corporation… yeah, that one, the one that you can read as I write it by clicking the button up there on my top bar called: The Seven Kingdoms.

I have a very serious question to ask you.

So, if you remember back… assuming you actually read chapter one… there was that scene where the first princess in the story kicks her soon-to-be-husband right in the… passageway under the wall of the castle… because he got fresh with her.

The thing is… and this is sort of a crucial ‘thing’… but originally, I didn’t just have him be a jerk and then try to kiss her without asking permission. I originally wrote it that he groped her breasts.

Then I sent it to my older daughter.

She said that I went too far, that I couldn’t have the guy cop a feel in a book written primarily for young teen females… which, you might recall, is sort of my target audience because that is the challenge here, to write from a female perspective, using my years of experience as a house-daddy to two daughters, and to make strong, female characters that aren’t one-dimensional… that don’t need to be rescued, and that deal with real issues.

But I have been thinking about that scene. I think my first instincts were right for two reasons.

Firstly, it really sets up the bad guys as bad guys. Sneaking a quick kiss while being a complete ass-hat isn’t evil enough. You might even make the point that she overreacted, which puts a whole different spin on things.

On top of that, this book is supposed to deal with the real issues facing young women. This would certainly open up discussion on a topic of some importance.

I realize that it is a delicate and tricky subject. And this takes place like two pages into the book. But there is going to be violence later on, action and adventure and fighting. And the princess will be discussing not only romance but love and sex and body image and maybe even homosexuality. Maybe I need to move the age of my target readers up a little to keep this edgy.

So… what do you think?

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My new book is now available!!!

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Double Service… a quaint little murder mystery set in London in World War Two, is now available… just by clicking the link… which is a button cleverly disguised as a picture of the book… over there in my sidebar on the right side of this blog page.

If you click that picture, you will be magically transported to a place where, for a nominal fee, they will print you a copy of the book, and send it to wherever you want them to send it to.

I mean, think about it. Think of all the stuff that went into making this possible.

First of all, I had to be born, then go to school and learn rudimentary English, then make up all the people and plots and stuff that went into the book.

Somebody had to invent the English language in the first place, and then figure out how to make a written version, and then invent printing… and computers…

A tree had to grow, and then be cut down with tools that somebody also had to invent… and then be sent to a place where it was ground up and milled into paper.

And, of course, money had to be invented, so that both I and the publishers could actually get something for all this work we did.

The internet had to exist in order for me to have a blog in which to tell you about the book, and so there was a place to put the button… cleverly disguised as a picture of the book… for you to click to get the book.

The post office had to be invented, and stamps, and trucks and planes to carry the book to you.

When you get right down to it, thousands of people worked for thousands of years to make this book happen.

We even had to have a global war against the Nazis… just to have an interesting historical background for the novel to take place in.

And all you have to do is click a button, type a few things into a few boxes, and then sit there waiting in anticipation for the book to show up right on your doorstep.

That seems like a pretty good deal.

Posted in fiction, Stories of my life, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

WordPress… back slowly away from the changing stuff all the time…

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Or I swear, I will blow that keyboard to smithereens…

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