Here is another little poem I pulled from my magic drawers full of ‘schnitzel’… (I think, if Snoop Dog was to say ‘sh*t’ in that special language of his, that is how it would sound…[if he was German])…
Anyway, here it is, just as I jotted it down however many years ago, on some small note paper sheets…
I think I will call it…
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The Cat In The Hat Is Fat And All That…
The cat in the hat has grown exceedingly fat,
He ate pies and cakes as he sat and he sat,
He ate roasted mutton and the occasional rat,
And his metabolism just couldn’t cope with all that…
Yes the cat in the hat is quite fat, and I fear,
If he continues this way he will not long be here,
He is fond of his sweets and drinks way too much beer,
Yes the cat in the hat is becoming a sphere…
The cat in the hat has become quite obese,
He will gobble a lamb chop without removing the fleece,
I fear if we can’t get his hunger to cease,
That the cat will quite soon be resting in peace…
Yes the cat in the hat is increasing his girth,
He crams food in his face for all he is worth,
I suppose this is not a good topic for mirth,
When the cat will soon find himself under the earth…
Will he eat food in a box?
Yes he will eat bagels covered in lox,
In a train?
Quiche Loraine,
In a car?
Caviar,
In a boat?
Root beer float,
In a house?
Broiled grouse,
In a tree?
Crackers and Brie,
He will eat green eggs and ham,
Moldy cheese and rancid spam,
I have seen him eat a spoiled yam,
And a tub of expired Cost-co jam,
Forgive me for having to tell you this, ma’am,
But I think he just ate Sam I am!
The cat in the hat expanded his epidermis,
By carrying hot chocolate in a very large thermos,
I fear that his carcass will end up in a furnace,
Or perhaps stuffed and mounted by a mad taxidermist…
Yes the cat’s appetite has become legendary,
He does like his pies filled with mince-meat and berry,
I’m afraid this will end at the local mortuary,
Followed by a short trip to the cemetery…
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I threw in a few pictures that I whipped together in Photoshop in about half an hour, just to show once again why we all need Photoshop in our lives…
I particularly like the plush toy…
I realize that feline obesity is no laughing matter, and apologize for glamorizing it!!!…
As a historical note, the cat in the hat did indeed turn to food when his movie career went into decline… I heard that he tried out for one of the Star Wars movies, but didn’t get the role…
He is now a house cat, living with one Mildred Crugscraffle, an 87-year-old widow, in Boise, Idaho. He continues to have a problem with his weight…
