There are many myths floating around about unicorns. They have been told so many times that people have begun to confuse the fact with the fantasy. So I am taking it upon myself to clear up some of these misconceptions.
In the first place, that rumor that unicorns fart rainbows is ridiculous. Nor can a unicorn poop a rainbow or barf a rainbow. Rainbows are just light refracting through water droplets in the air. Obviously someone once saw a unicorn on top of a hill with a rainbow in the sky behind it, and leaped to some pretty silly conclusions. This is how vicious rumors get started.
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* Insert your own mental image of a unicorn projectile vomiting a rainbow here if you wish… I will not stoop to such lowbrow antics and cheap Photoshop trickery, and further sully the reputation of these beautiful creatures *
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There is, however, a very rare fish called the unicorn fish, which has the unusual habit of farting bubbles that do indeed appear to be rainbow-hued. This is due to a soapy enzyme in the fish’s digestive tract that refracts light when the fish is near enough to the surface for the light to reach it…
Perhaps this phenomenon is responsible for the cruel tales that people tell about the unicorns and their vile personal habits.
But I would like to share some facts about the noble unicorn;
Fact> Unicorns do not like cats…
Fact> Unicorns poop gold, but only once or twice per year…
Fact>Â A group of unicorns is called a ‘horning’, not a ‘herd’…
Fact> Unicorns are not related to horses, narwhals, or the rhinoceros. They are actually an offshoot of the hamster family…
Fact> Unicorns are quite dangerous. They kill more people than Orcs, Daleks, Ring Wraiths, Krakkens, Dragons, Sith Lords, Vampires, Trolls, Goblins, Pooh Bears, Cybermen, Zombies, Leprechauns, Satan, and Betty White, all put together. So don’t try to pet them…
Fact> Unicorn vomit is extremely caustic…
My apologies. This post is a shameless attempt to bump up my stats.
Special thanks to Mr. Ed Hotspur at http://http://edwardhotspur.wordpress.com/Â who told me his most popular post ever was all about unicorns vomiting rainbows. ..
Now pardon me while I go tag the hell out of this thing.
Pouring My Art Out 
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Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.
Hi,
Could see us in the future of the unicorns make a horse racing and can build us top and drink a little beer with… Laughing out loud. Shit. Sorry ;)))
no worries
This is unless naturally you intend to get some organic
development hormonal agents from a supplement like Extreme Deer Antler.
uh… right
Wow
indeed
Looks like my dreams of selling unicorn vomit as sweet sticky rainbow candy just bit the dust. Imagine kids faces dissolve before my very eyes. Even selling unicorn poop as sweet sticky rainbow candy might be out because as much as folks like gold, they probably don’t want to take the chance to bite into golden poo.
Do not give up on the dream… you never know what people will eat.
The treatment for vitiligo is actually basic – redirect acid wastes via peeing instead of sweating
through the lymphatic system.
good to know
Normally, right after the initial game is played, the player who was knocked out very first gets to throw very first in the
subsequent game.
I will bear that in mind
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Welcome… I hope you have fun. Feel free to explore, but don’t get lost. There is lots to do. Please leave a comment on our post where we are trying to break the record for the most comments on a post… the link is at the top of the sidebar. And feel free to join our art contest.
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well then…. i feel strongly towards unicorn existence, alothough im not overboard about like some. just as a curious person, where, might i ask, did you get your “facts”?
Uh… I just make them up… because this is a humor blog..
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Uh… thanks…
After reading this, I feel like I did the first time heard ‘I am the Walrus’. Confused, yet entertained.
That is a great compliment!
I like no I love that baby unicorn
Thank you, oh mysterious someone.
I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I absolutely enjoyed every little bit of it.
I have got you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff you post…
Thanks so much.
My family always say that I am wasting my time here
at web, except I know I am getting familiarity everyday by reading such good posts.
It can be both a waste of time and highly rewarding. Such is the mystery of life. And thanks.
I think everything said made a lot of sense. However, think on this, what if you typed a catchier post title?
I am not saying your content isn’t solid, but what if you added something to possibly get folk’s
attention? I mean Unicorns vomit rainbows… in
your dreams… | Pouring My Art Out is kinda plain. You could glance at Yahoo’s home page and watch how they create news titles to get viewers interested. You might add a related video or a related picture or two to grab people excited about what you’ve got to
say. Just my opinion, it would make your posts a
little livelier.
ummm… I am actually famous for my clever titles. The name of the blog describes what I do and is a play on words that gets quite a few positive comments. The unicorn post was done because I learned that if you do a post about unicorns and rainbows, you will get hits from search terms almost every day. So I did that title with the express purpose of incorporating all those words into it so I could tag it. It was yet another cheap and shameless move to boost my stats, and it worked.
But if you scroll through my old posts, you will see that I put a lot of thought into most of them. Also it is important to note that this blog is in no way designed to make sense… ever… it isn’t even a goal of mine.
And mostly, I just plain disagree with you.
Did that reply sound mean? I didn’t mean it to sound mean, I mean I am not mean, I mean it. I do appreciate advice. I rarely take it, but I do appreciate it.
“Rainbows are just light refracting through water droplets in the air.” Well now you’re just lending credence to the rumor that unicorns pee rainbows. And all for shameless stat boosting: I know a certain blogger who might be visited by the caustically vomiting unicorn fairy tonight.
I eat caustic vomiting unicorn fairies for breakfast! Seriously… a little sweet chili sauce… mmmmm
That explains the shortage.
Nobody likes those things anyway. Who wants to find caustic vomit under their pillow???
Only other unicorns, and that just creates a self-sustaining loop. Bring on the sweet chili sauce!
That’s what I’m talking about. And being endangered just makes them taste better.
And your hotspur link needs repair. Just sayin’.
ok thanks.
It worked for me…
You’ve got the http doubled. Didn’t work for me.
I will try it again… I am looking at your fractals… some of them… but if you are selling them should I use them?
If you alter them it’s all good. Publicity.
Get ready… the pics are done… I just need to do a clever post…
Go look go look go look go go go go go go go
Yes sir.
Ha,.,.,.
He gets enough visitors.
So if a herd of unicorns is a horning, is a herd of unicorns in heat a horny horning?
I would hope so!
Your ploy worked – love this post! XD
I want to feel guilty, but I just can’t.
The stuff that comes out of your mind!! 🙂 Here is how you make unicorn poop that you can eat: http://www.instructables.com/id/Unicorn-Poop/
That looks like one steamy sweet pile of goodness.
I realize I’m tardy to the party on this one but the link came through when you clicked on my site. Not only was this a freaking riot … but now that I’ve learned that unicorns really don’t poop rainbows, I’m questioning the rest of my childhood stories.
I am just here to ask the tough questions that no one else bothers to ask but that make you want to ask more tough questions… like what the heck is wrong with me? Also, I bring you the truth, even if it hurts.
Well dude … that one hurt. No more please, I just can’t bare to imagine what else isn’t real …
shhhh… I might not be real…
This post cracked me up! LMAO!
I am just here to amuse you in any way I can. Thank you.
Nothing weird… and here’s a reason your post resonated with me. Oh, could be I’m an 8 year Burner and want hippies to die in tragic accidents involving public transportation and their tie-die clothing
NOTE: Unicorn was originally meant to piss champagne.
If I ever get married again (-inset loud Bronx Cheer-) I want the vomit added to aforementioned type art sculpture.
link would be nice…. http://offbeatbride.com/2012/07/wedding-unicorn
Oh, now I see.
But I was a hippy… sigh.
you got better!
I am wearing a tie dye shirt right now…
Guess you better make plans for Burning Man next year then. Perhaps get an art grant to help build a vomiting unicorn art installation.
shhhhhh I have an 80’s tie dye dress I only wear out to the Burn festivities for one day a year. Different style of costumes for the other seven days and nights.
Tradition.
I still feel like a hippy, but I must admit, it is slipping slowly away.
As long as you still feel like a hippy in your heart of hearts you are still okay I think…at least that is what I keep telling myself…and there are still enough friends and family members who still think I am so if you’ve got that you haven’t totally slipped away.
there is a list of things of things I will do to get more stats. this [whatever it is you just did] is not on that list.
I have no shame…
* Insert your own mental image of a unicorn projectile vomiting a rainbow here if you wish… I will not stoop to such lowbrow antics and cheap Photoshop trickery, and further sully the reputation of these beautiful creatures * ———— Hmm, couldn’t figure out how to do huh? LOL 😉
The truth is threre were hundreds of pictures of that in Google. I do not reinvent the wheel.
my bad… i guess I have failed in every looking that up… LOL
Just type in unicorns vomit rainbows… in the images header… you will not believe it.
OMG, the one shooting it out his butt is a thought I didn’t need.. why did you make me do it! DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!!
What did you think you were going to see?
not sure… actually… lol
Maybe you shouldn’t even use the internet if unicorns pooping rainbows shocks you. I once typed in some harmless phrase and ended up with a million porno adds popping up on the screen. I couldn’t make them stop.
at least that is the story you told your wife 😉 Heck, nothing shocks me anymore. I think I get more amazed at what people post for all to see.
There are some weird people out there.
I don’t like anything that can impale you and make you dead. Also, the unicorn stole the rainbow from gay people, who stole it from Jessie Jackson’s rainbow coalition, who stole it from a package of skittles, who stole it from Adolphe Menjou and Hayley Mills in Pollyanna, who stole it from the person who discovered prisms and stuff.
Who stole it from the leprechauns…
I have to show this to my teenager! She will crack up. Good stuff.
I just tried to mix it up a little. So people don’t get bored. Thanks.
I see…so hamster murder bad…unicorn murdering cat good. my cat is disappointed.
Actually I accidently locked her in the back garden and went to the pub so she’s upset with me now, she will deal with you later.
I like cats. The unicorns don’t. It isn’t my fault.
🙂
unicorns and vomit. dammit if only I had clued into this idea of tags earlier I’d be rich.
Well no I’d still be poor but the unicorn thing would place me on a higher plane. Of shit. Which is a fine thing.
No more posts about free beer, hookers or prostitutes. You’ve taught me the value of REAL tagging.
Bless you my son.
Bless Edward Hotspur as well.
Some might say that posts about hookers and prostitutes was just redundant… and gilding the lilly…
I believe my last post regarding the subject was beer, hookers and shrimp. You’re correct, hooker and prostitute are synonymous. Must have been out in left field while writing that comment.
As for gilding the lily…. thought that was similar to ‘going to see a man about a horse’ as well as the traditional meaning.
Or seeing a man about a unicorn… oh, yeah, brought it all the way back around!
High Five Up Top!
And down low.
or Low Down, said the Boz
Rainbow farts you say? I can’t stay to chat, I’m off to eat some Irish Spring and Tide laundry packs – I report back my progress. I am so stoked!!!
Sounds like some good clean fun in the tub…
It’s not my most popular post ever. It’s 3rd. This is because it’s awesome.
Oh, yeah – PMAO, if you have a horse, this video will be interesting to you.
It just repeats 3 times. And ‘tastes like raisons’???
Sorry I got the stats wrong, but I thought that was what you told me… I will try to check my facts better than Fox news.
I said one of my most… oh never mind. It’s up there.
As long as this ends up being one of my most…
They’re all your most at one time or another.
Maybe they are at that.
At that, are they, maybe.
To be that, or not to that be.
Or else.
Again with the stats? I’m sure this will be a popular post though. I would like to suggest that unicorns don’t like cats because cats are too smart to believe in unicorns. Or it could be because cats ruled over unicorns from the beginning of time, because they were far superior. There is also the possibility that unicorns are jealous of cats. I’m not sure, but there must be some reason.
I, like the cat, do not believe in unicorns…
Unlike the cat, I do not believe in cats, either.
The might not believe in people either.
Then let them open their own damn cat food cans.