Gettin’ all Christmassy… part 2…

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We all know it isn’t easy to make ends meet during the holiday season. Sometimes, we need to get a part-time job.

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Just remember that the big corporations are not going to treat you fairly… heck, they don’t even treat their full-time, year-round employees fairly…

a 31Hey, you can always join the army if you need a job.

***(I do apologize for this post. Once again, I have failed miserably to get you into the holiday spirit… and I might also be guilty of some kind of Elfish stereotyping)***

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Gettin’ all Christmassy… part 1…

How about if one year, we try being NICE to each other and visit each other and buy presents for each other, and wear festive colors, and sing silly songs, and decorate things and hang colored lights for 11 months, and then treat each other like crap for two or three weeks, maybe in December, I haven’t decided yet. Or how about August, when we are all hot and crabby anyway, that would work for me…

Also, this plan would allow us to do our present shopping during those fabulous sales… that now take place right after the ‘traditional’ Christmas.

Just sayin’.

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Yes, I know this is an old post, and it is a little sarcastic to use as the opening post in a series that claims to be getting you in the mood for Christmas… but it still cracks me up… and it is still a good idea…

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One last Thanksgiving treat…

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Look who stopped by our house after we got back from our camping trip.

a 2It is little Olivia! Some of you probably remember her. She is the daughter of a friend of my wife from back in the day.

a 3That is her: ‘hey, can you stop flashing that bright light in my face’ look.

a 4She is now one year old, and I am going to her birthday party this weekend… all alone, because my wife and Mollie are visiting my older daughter in Arizona this weekend. I will take pictures for you all.

a 5Hey, if you don’t like the ‘sounds of the season’ music channel my wife put on the TV, just change the channel… you have the remote… we can listen to classic 70’s rock!

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Seriously… look at those eyes…

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That is her: ‘Dad… dude… I like your ink’ look.

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Okay, I know this is a lot of pictures of one little girl…

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But you know how I am… and sorry about the mess, but that is what a writer’s desk is supposed to look like.

 

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So… about this new novel I’m writing…

Yes… the one that I am posting here as I write it… the one about the kick-ass princesses… uh huh, the one that is the first novel I ever tried to write from a female perspective, with strong female role models who discuss real issues and don’t wait for any prince to come rescue them… that’s the one.

So, I know it might not be the kind of thing that all of you like to read. I mean, it is sort of aimed at pre-teen girls. But it is also developing into a pretty good adventure/fantasy story, and, even though I raised two daughters as a stay-at-home dad… before it was cool… it is a challenge to do.

But I am sort of getting swept up in it. You may remember me mentioning in an earlier post that, unlike my sci-fi series, which I wrote with absolutely no planning ahead, this one I planned out in advance, with maps of who went where when and what the did when they got there and all that. What I have found is that… well… stuff happens. I still find myself throwing in new characters unexpectedly, or shifting the story around a little.

For example, I started getting this idea that I should have one of the princes from the evil family be not-so-evil. I had no idea when that would come up in the story, but all of a sudden, there he was. Prince Nujeem, whom everyone calls Nudge, showing up in my first battle scene. And as I write him, interesting things happen. He gives a view inside the mindset of the evil empire and all his jerky brothers. And, because he ends up getting captured and dragged along with my crew of awesome princesses, I find myself making him a likable little dude.

This brings me to another idea I have been mulling over. I wrote some of my blog friends in as characters in my newest finished novel, the murder mystery set in World War Two London… (Available now through the link in my sidebar on the right if you click the picture of the book called: Double Service)… I thought, maybe, that since I might surprise myself with new characters now and then in this book, that I would maybe write some of you into the story. Now, I can’t guarantee you what kind of character it will be. It might be a small role. You might not get to speak. Or you might be a bad guy or girl. But if you want me to consider you for this, give me some names to use in the comments of this post. We might need to play with the name a little to have it match this fantasy world, but it can be your real name, or the name of your blog might even work… sort of… maybe. I will change your real name a little, for privacy. (I know, this is obviously a shameless ploy on my part to sell a few new books, but hey, characters need names, so why not become famous?)

Also, I just want to say that I am really liking my main character, Hildy… sorry, princess Hildread Starrgarrd Halfmoon of the Kingdom of Halfmoon. She is developing nicely… okay… wait… that sounds wrong when speaking about a 17-year-old princess… but you know what I mean, right? She is arguing with kings and stealing a uniform so she can fight in the battle and… well, I won’t spoil it for you, but she is sort of awesome.

Just a reminder… the entire story … so far… is all in one place, if you click the button on the top bar called: The Seven Kingdoms. That way, you don’t have to scroll through old posts to read it all. I did a lot of writing… by hand… on our camping adventure over the holiday, so I am in the middle of typing up at least another chapter or two. And it is getting pretty exciting, if I do say so myself. I think this is why some writers go away to a cabin or somewhere on a beach to write. It is good to get away from your normal environs. It helps the writing process.

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The Seven Kingdoms… Chapter 5

The Seven Kingdoms

 

Chapter Five

 

Hildy and Lawry rushed to the great hall as soon as word of the fleet arriving had been brought to them by one of the palace staff along with their lunch. The king had his captains and his son gathered around him, and as soon as the princesses entered the hall, all conversation stopped, and the men all turned to face this unwanted interruption.

“Fear not, young ladies,” said the king grandly. “You will be quite safe here while we teach those Skulls some manners, I assure you.”

“I have no interest in remaining safely behind walls while others fight my battles for me,” Hildy returned.

The king graced her with a condescending smile while his captains nodded in approval- a very amused approval, it must be said.

Hildy felt anger growing inside her, and not all of it was focused on the Skull fleet streaming into the bay. “My father taught me to fight. I could hold my own against him. How many of you can say the same?”

“It is good that your father gave you such a well-rounded education, my dear,” said the king, but you would be taking the place of one of my trained fighting men if I were to let you accompany us.”

“Your trained fighting men are farmers and fishermen and traders who practice with the staff or sling once or twice a month,” Hildy said, struggling to remain calm. “Their duties consist of a few dozen hours a year trying to look handsome and fierce in their armor when it is their turn to stand the guard watch, and that mostly entails flirting with the girls who work in the castle or come to visit from town. I trained with my father and his best captains on a daily basis.”

“Fighting with a staff requires a certain amount of bodily strength, with all due respect, my lady,” one of the captains made the mistake of saying.

“It also requires speed, balance, and intelligence, any of which qualities I will pit against yours here and now,” Hildy spat. She removed her staff from her shoulder. “Would you care to test me?”

“This is most unseemly,” the king interjected. “Our rules, laid down by our forebears, are clear enough. Two hosts shall meet on the field of battle, five hundred men bearing the staff, and one hundred with the sling, on each side of the field. Each side shall let their slingers send three featherwood projectile volleys at the other before the hosts advance and battle is joined. They shall trade blows until one side yields or until honor is satisfied. It plainly does not allow for four hundred and ninety nine men and one young girl.”

“But we already know that the Skulls care nothing for the rules of civilized warfare,” Hildy said forcefully. “They took the stronghold on Middle by surprise. And obviously they used some trickery against my father and his forces to defeat them with great loss of life.”

“And that is exactly why we have been laying some plans of our own,” the king replied. “We have trained two hundred more men, and they will be hidden in the woods surrounding the field of battle. Should the Skulls attempt to ignore the rules of war, we shall be able to call for reinforcements.”

“Two hundred men who have been training for only a few days?” Hildy asked in shocked disbelief. “But what if they bring one thousand men to the field?”

“Then we will stay within the castle walls, and they can sit outside and rot,” the king said smugly.

“And who, exactly, will begin to rot first?” Hildy wanted to know. “Did you bring in enough food to feed all of us for as long as the Skulls decide to remain? Because it seems to me that they will be outside the walls, and that is where your farms and fishing fleets will also be.”

The king and his captains exchanged uncomfortable glances. It was at this moment that a soldier entered the great hall. “The enemy host is landing, Lord,” he told the king. “We can see them clearly from the tower.”

“And how many men are there?” asked the king.

“Not more than six hundred,” was the expected answer.

“There you have it!” the king said, sounding both pleased with himself and vastly relieved simultaneously. “Assemble the host!”

As his captains scrambled to carry out his orders, Hildy pulled Lawry out of the great hall. “Where are we going?” asked Lawry, sounding nervous as she realized they weren’t heading back to their rooms.

“I’m not missing the battle,” Hildy declared.

Lawry stopped dead in her tracks. “You can’t be serious, Hildy!”

“Did you think I was joking with the king?” Hildy asked her friend.

“What’s happening?” came a voice from behind them, and they turned to see Zareena descending the stairs, followed by Tull and Tolly. They quickly told them about the coming battle.

“And where do you think you are going?” Zareena wanted to know.

“I have to go steal some armor,” Hildy replied. With that, she turned and began walking purposefully towards the nearest exit once more. Her friends hurried after her. They left the castle grounds through the side gate, the two teenage guards gawking at the procession of princesses and fishermen. Hildy led them at a steady pace, ignoring all their questions. She slowed suddenly as the column of marching Evergreen soldiers appeared on the road ahead of them. They were following the dirt road through a thick wood, and as they topped a small rise they could see, beyond the closest soldiers, the head of the column beginning to spread out to deploy in the large, open space of the field of battle.

Hildy veered off the road. She was following some of the two hundred reserve soldiers who had been ordered into the woods to await any trickery on the part of the Skull army. She waited until the men had spread out near the edge of the field, then approached a pair of them. The two newly-trained soldiers looked very young and very nervous.

Hildy strode confidently up to the two young soldiers. They looked to be not much older than her. She looked them up and down and focused on the one closest to her size. She stepped right in front of him. “Give me your helmet, breastplate, and gloves,” she demanded.

The young soldier was confused and more than a little terrified. He looked to his own princess for help, but Zareena merely shrugged. He turned to his fellow soldier, but he seemed to have found something interesting to look at in the tops of the trees. The boy mirrored Zareena’s shrug and began to strip off his leather breastplate after handing Hildy his gloves and leather helmet.

“I’m going to need your shirt and boots as well,” Hildy pointed out.

Again the soldier couldn’t find it within himself to disobey.

“And the pants.” Hildy was finding it hard not to laugh at the poor fellow.

The boy looked down at his trembling legs and the sturdy green canvas pants that covered them. “I’m not wearing anything underneath,” he stammered.

“Then I suggest you step behind that clump of brush,” Hildy suggested.

By the time the last of the column of Evergreen troops had left the road and joined the ranks on the field of battle, they had picked up one unexpected recruit.

 

As the Evergreen soldiers formed up into long lines, five ranks deep with a sixth rank of slingers slightly in advance, Hildy made her way to the center where the king and prince stood, They were in the front rank of soldiers, with the slingers ten feet ahead of them. The captains were spread throughout the front rank of soldiers to pass orders and steady the men.

Across the field of battle the enemy formed their lines similarly. According to the rules of war, no words were to be spoken. The time for words was deemed to be passed. When each side was in place, the commanders raised their arms for a count of ten. When they lowered their arms, the slingers would send their three volleys of featherwood projectiles then move off to the side, and the ranks of soldiers would advance and battle would be joined.

The king raised his hand once all on the field had settled into their appointed places. Across the field, in the center of the enemy line, Hildy could see prince Nardis in a fancy set of black armor decorated with white flourishes. She had to stand on tiptoe and lean a little to the left to get a good view past soldiers and slingers. Her once-to-be husband held his hand aloft. Next to him, also in decorated armor, stood another Skull that she assumed was one of his many brothers. The two lines of slingers had loaded their projectiles and waited for the hands to drop.

The hands did drop, and the slingers swung their slings and let their projectiles fly. Hildy watched the wooden balls of the enemy sailing towards her and the Evergreen lines. Troopers hunched their shoulders and lowered their heads, to let the thick leather armor absorb the worst of the shock. As the projectiles began to rain down on them it was instantly clear that something was horribly wrong.

Men around her began screaming in agony and falling to the ground. She heard loud thuds as the missiles hit, and a horrid crunching sound that could only have been bones breaking. She stooped and picked up one of the round balls, It was heavy rockwood, not the softer, lighter featherwood required by the rules of war. She also saw large, heavy river stones scattered about.

The second volley was coming in. “Get down on the ground,” she screamed at the soldiers around her. “Lay down and cover your heads.” Some obeyed her, but most did not. More fell to the ground due to injury.

The third, and by the rules of war, final, volley fell, but somehow Hildy knew this wouldn’t be the last, and she was right. From where she lay she saw their own slingers begin to retire from the field, having finished their three volleys, but many were laid out on the ground, and more were struck down as the deadly rain continued to fall. She happened to glance at the king and his son at the exact moment that a large stone struck the prince on his left knee and she saw him collapse. Moments later a rockwood ball hit the king high on the center of his forehead. The thick leather saved him from some of the force of the blow as the ball rebounded high into the air. The king fell to his knees.

At last deadly rain ceased to fall. The Evergreen lines were in complete disarray. Men lay still or writhed in the dirt moaning in pain. Those that were uninjured remained rooted in place, unsure of what to do next. With the king and prince incapacitated and many of the captains wounded, killed, or just unable to overcome the shock of such a blatant disregard for the rules of war, none of the Evergreen troops moved forward.

Hildy leaped up and ran to the king and the prince. The king looked up, dazed and confused, blood trickling down his face from under his helmet. “You!” he said, recognition coming slowly. Hildy knelt between the king and his son. The prince held his shattered knee, his face gray, his lips set in agony. Hildy heard shouted commands from across the field and looked up to see the enemy advancing towards them in line.

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We had a real Thanksgiving too, just so you know…

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I feel like maybe some of you were worried about the fact that we were camping over the holiday week, and that you thought we might have missed out on a real meal.a 2

Let me assure you… we had a real meal… with real gravy and real mashed potatoes…

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The reason we were camping near Solvang is so that a bunch of us could visit my wife’s aunt without all having to sleep in her house. But we had a real table with real silverware and glasses and everything.

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Trust me, we had plenty of food.

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There was even a healthy kale salad. Don’t worry, I didn’t fill up on that… and don’t forget we had the cheese turkey and the turkey and minion cookie snacks that I showed in an earlier post.

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You know… just in case we ran out of pie…

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We even had festive holiday decorations and candles.

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The dogs… our dog, Shiloh on the left, and Riley, her best friend, that belongs to uncle Bert and aunt Sharon, could smell all that food cooking.

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They were very interested… wait, you switched sides… you are going to confuse people… bad dogs!

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Here is a view from the back porch of the house where we had dinner.

a 12And there is the same view later on. Solvang is located in gentle, rolling hills and surrounded by wine vineyards.

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Mollie took some very artistic shots of the chandelier…

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… because she is my kid, so she is artsy… and she even knows how to take pictures without using the auto setting like I always do.

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But I still managed to capture a pretty good picture of some succulents growing in a little pot out front…

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… and a photo of a frog doing yoga.

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But Mollie took the two pictures of me, and I think, as a before-and-after set of photos… this one really captures the real me… after I ate way too much.

 

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Random pictures of trees, dogs and clouds…

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No, that isn’t Spanish moss, in case you were wondering. It is a form of lichen. But it looks cool hanging on trees.

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These are the last pictures of our epic camping adventure over the Thanksgiving holiday… almost… I mean, they are the last pictures of the camping part, but not… oh, just wait for it.

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There is our dog, Shiloh. I think I took that picture right after Mollie drove off with uncle Bert for her very first driving lesson ever…

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And then Shiloh looked at me like: are we sure this is a good idea?

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I spend a lot of time looking at clouds… because I am an artist… and that is where the action… and the color… tends to happen up in the sky.

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Clouds are cool.

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And if you keep an eye on them…

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… you might spot one that looks like a big, fluffy bunny running across the sky.

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Oh, and my youngest kid is learning how to drive…

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There she is, in the moments before she first made a car move all on her own… I know, she looks just like me, right? And she doesn’t even look nervous.

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And there she goes. We were at the campground on our Thanksgiving holiday adventure, and my wife’s uncle… uncle Bert, I’m sure you have seen him around here… volunteered to give her a driving lesson. This is not unprecedented. He also taught our older daughter to drive. There are some things that it is better not to teach your own kids if you can help it.

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Mollie was pretty excited.

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And what a beautiful place to learn how to drive.

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WATCH OUT FOR THAT JEEP!!! Oh… wait… it’s parked… never mind… (see, that is why you should get somebody else to teach them to drive)

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And there she is, all safe and sound.

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Dear new followers…

If you showed up here during all those posts I was doing about birds… and you mistakenly thought this was a blog about bird watching… and then you were shocked by my post about the Christmas date-rape song… or the pictures of synchronized deer whizzing… or my rant about the wordpress overlords… or my defiling the seal of the president of the United States… and have now figured out that this blog is just a little weirder than you were expecting… if you want to change your mind and slip out the back door, I won’t hold it against you… just so you know.

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Oh, WordPress… you know I love you… but…

Has anybody else noticed that when you go to the wordpress topic wall page thingies… you know, the place where our posts go when we tag them as; ‘humor’ or ‘art’ or whatever… that the feed is mostly clogged with a bunch of repeating posts? They mostly seem to be put there by

HumerMe

Fun For All

happyblognetwork

I don’t know what is up with these three blogs. I don’t know why they post a bunch of identical posts over and over again. But I do know that I used to enjoy scrolling down the humor and art walls, finding new blogs to check out. And now it just annoys me… and I am still annoyed by the new changes wordpress made, so… that is a lot of annoyance.

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