Gadzookes, the little wizard from one of my children’s books, wishes you a merry Christmas…

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The Seven Kingdoms… chapter thirty nine…

(Author’s commentary… or should I call these ‘Arthur’s commentaries???): I love the old man at the end of this chapter. He is even funnier at the beginning of the next chapter… which might be the last one I post on the blog. If I post the whole thing, nobody will ever buy it. I still need an editor or two, for anybody who can spell and punctuate, and wants a free, signed copy of the book sent to them, and a very nice dedication page written about them… hint… hint…

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The Seven Kingdoms

 

Chapter Thirty Nine

 

The rain was gone the next morning. The army marched in brilliant sunshine. The day passed, and the following day, in the strange, new routine. On the morning that followed those days, as the army prepared to march once more, the first of the scouts sent to keep watch on the enemy came into camp. He reported to Hildy. “The enemy army is enormous, but we can’t get an accurate count. We can never see all of them at once.”

“I know how many of them there are,” Hildy told him. “What are they doing?”

“They sent a much smaller force down the coast road on the other side of the kingdom, but the main army is marching this way. You are headed right for them. They aren’t moving very fast, but they are burning the towns and farms behind them, and sending everyone they can catch back to their base. The good news is that most of the people fled into the wilds before the enemy could get their hands on them.”

“Their base? Where is that,” Hildy asked.

“One of the other scouts managed to get close a look at the two small cities right on the tip of the kingdom. The Skulls didn’t burn them, and they left a small contingent to guard them. The scout saw some of our people being rowed out to the Skull ships, men women and children.” The man gritted his teeth as he delivered this news.

“Hostages,” Hildy said, feeling her anger rise, “and more conscripts for their army. How long until we bump into the enemy?”

The scout pondered this for a moment. “I can’t really say, commander. I don’t know how fast you can move, and the Skulls move at different speeds, depending on what they find. But they do seem to be spending a lot of time scouring the countryside for any kind of food. And I can tell you this. When the roving units do find anything, they don’t send it back to the army most of the time. They eat it right there.”

Hildy thanked the man and told him to get some food before reporting to his unit commander. She went and found the leader of the scouts herself, and told him to send more of his men out. Three were to cross to the other coast and watch the smaller enemy force there, and the rest were to help the men watching the main army. It wouldn’t do to let the smaller force get behind her forces.

Soon after, the army began its morning march, they started seeing the first refugees streaming down the coast road towards them. The people were frightened. They had only been liberated by the resistance army a short time before, and now, once again, Skull troops had marched into their towns and onto their farms, and this time, it was worse than before. The people fled, carrying little or nothing with them, even as Skull troops began to ransack their homes behind them. Hildy felt terrible about it, but she kept her army on the road, forcing the refuges off to the sides. The faster the army moved, the less territory the enemy would take, and the less refugees there would be.

Some of the fleeing people had been warned by the runners Hildy had sent out. These people carried a few changes of clothes, a little food, and perhaps a blanket or two. But for the rest, Hildy felt she had to do something. She used her flag to signal the fleet. The fleet commander himself came ashore in one of the Wavebounder’s longboats, to see what was happening.

“Unload some of the army’s food for these people, right here,” Hildy told him. “And send a few of the fastest ships back to Middletown. Bring more food and blankets and clothes, and drop them off half a day’s march apart.”

He just nodded and ran back to the longboat.

Hildy stood on a large rock and shouted, to be heard by as many of the refugees as possible. She told them to keep moving towards Middletown, and that supplies would be waiting for them on their journey. Then she left to take her position in the center of the marching column.

Just as the army stopped for the midday meal, a pair of the runners she had sent out to warn the kingdom of the new invasion, found her, and gave their report. “We got to as many people as we could,” one told her. “We went until we saw the first Skull soldiers, the front of their army, then we started back, warning people as we went. We didn’t stop on the way, but we yelled at anybody we saw to get out of there. We figured that was the best way to do it, to warn the most people.”

The two men looked haggard. “When did you last sleep or eat?” she asked.

We brought a little bread, dried fish, and some water with us, and ate while we walked, then we started running again,” the other man replied. “I think we slept for a little while, the night before last, but I’m not sure exactly what day this is.”

Hildy looked down at their feet. One man’s sandals were held on his feet with bits of rag, ripped from the hem of his own tunic. The other man was barefooted. She could see blood drops in in his footprints, leading up to where he stood. She felt her eyes fill with tears, and, impulsively, she grabbed each man in turn and hugged him close. She asked their names, and told them that she would never forget them. Then she told them to eat and get some sleep before returning to Middletown.

“But we want to fight with the army,” the first man said, while the second man nodded and looked at her pleadingly.

Tears began to stream down her cheeks, and she just nodded, unable to speak. She put a hand on each man’s shoulder, and turned away.

The army marched through the afternoon. Marching near Hildy were the two runners, each wearing new sandals, donated by a pair of sailors from the fleet who had been manning the longboats bringing supplies ashore. The two runners had no armor and no weapons. They weren’t trained soldiers. They had told her that they would pick up what they needed from slain or captured Skull soldiers. She liked having them nearby. They gave her strength somehow.

Refugees continued to stream by in the other direction, in groups and alone, the old and the young, helping one another along. The soldiers cheered them, and told them there was food waiting for them on the way. In turn, the fleeing people cheered the army, thanking them, and telling them to stay safe.

The next day was very much the same, and the day after that. The next day was not at all the same. It started off much like the others, but as they began marching after the midday meal, they noticed that the stream of refugees became a trickle, and then dried up altogether. They marched for a long while without seeing anyone at all, and then an old man appeared, holding two little girls by the hands, and pulling them along behind him. Hildy stopped to speak with the old man, who had a long, white, pointed beard that stretched past his belt.

“Hello, grandfather,” Hildy began, smiling at the two young girls.

“Ha!” the spry old fellow bellowed. “These young ones can call me that, because I am their grandfather. I know who you are, in your fancy green armor. And you had better watch out. Those Skull soldiers are not far behind us.”

Hildy immediately called for the leader of the scouts, and sent three of them ahead. The road had turned a little inland where she stood, and she could see that is passed into a patch of forest and then rose, climbing the forested slopes of a ridge than ran across their line of march and down almost to the sea. She told the scouts to climb the ridge to where the road ran through a low cut, and see what was on the other side.

“Why didn’t you ride in the boats?” the old man asked.

Hildy turned back to him. “Excuse me?”

“The boats,” he repeated, pointing out so sea, where the fleet sailed slowly along with the marching army. “Why didn’t you and your soldiers just ride down here in them? Would’ve been faster, you ask me.”

Hildy was annoyed, but didn’t let it show. “I didn’t know exactly where the enemy was, or if they were landing troops at other points around the kingdom. And it isn’t easy to land troops from the sea onto a beach, even if the enemy isn’t slinging rocks at you while you land.”

“I’m sure you know best, missy,” the old man said. “Seems to me you are doing just fine, running the army and all.”

“Thanks,” Hildy replied, sounding a little more sarcastic than she meant to. The truth was that she had been agonizing over whether it had been wise to march the army all this way rather than using the fleet to move them. She was more annoyed with herself than with the old man. She watched her army trudging past her, all so sure she knew what she was doing. More sure than she was.

Her inner dialogue was cut short by the return of one of the scouts. “The front of the enemy army is on the other side of that ridge,” the scout reported, still panting from his run. “Lots of them are spreading out on the flat plain beyond the ridge, heading for the farms there. But a lot of them are staying on the road. They are making for that pass right there, and there are a lot more coming behind them.”

 

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Wait… was that Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett singing that creepy Christmas song in a bookstore… again???

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I happened to hear somebody on the TV singing that horrible Christmas song… you know the one… the one that starts off with: Baby, it’s cold outside… yeah, that one, the one where the guy is basically whining and pouring drinks into the girl to get her to stay overnight… the creepiest ‘Christmas seduction/date rape’ song of the holiday season, easily beating out that ‘Santa Baby’ song, which is pretty creepy in a lot of other ways…

Well, the thing is… and this is the ‘thing’ that almost made me blow my first sip of morning coffee right out through my freekin’ snout… but you know what is creepier than a guy pouring booze into a girl while singing about how the driving conditions outside are very unsafe, and that he is so concerned about her that he believes having her sleep with him would be less tragic than her dying in a fiery car crash? I will tell you what is creepier than that… when a guy who is 90 is singing it to a girl who is 30… in a freekin’ bookstore.

This has ruined Christmas for me… and reading books…

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This post is recycled from last year… they are still showing the commercial… I changed their ages, just so you know.

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Some silly homemade Christmas ornaments and a Santa tiki… yeah, I said a Santa tiki… and yes, this is another recycled post…

What, you don’t have a hand-carved Santa tiki???

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Yeah, I have a Santa tiki… well, my wife does, because I gave it to her for Christmas last year… no… that isn’t the only thing I gave her. And I did carve it myself… so…

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And on my Christmas tree, I have little bears made out of cookie dough. My kids baked them when they were little… but I added the tie dye outfits…

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I also have a Cat in the Hat ornament that I made. I drew it, cut it out, inked and colored it, and mounted it on wood…

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And I made this cute little mouse in a present picture that is inside a clear plastic ornament. I should have taken a picture of the back, because it is the same picture but from the rear…

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Homemade ornaments feel more like the spirit of Christmas to me.

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I know, I really went overboard with the tie dye theme during that cookie dough project. The glass one is a fun project that families can do together. You just buy the clear glass ornaments and then pour paint inside them and swirl it around.

a 1 a 4Anyway, thanks for sharing a little Christmas art… and love… with me.

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You know, I just do these for me…

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That’s not exactly what I meant when I asked if you could remove our head of state, Santa… but thanks…

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And Merry Christmas!

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The Seven Kingdoms… chapter thirty eight…

(Author’s commentary): Preparations for a battle, and a declaration of love… oh my!

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The Seven Kingdoms

 

Chapter Thirty Eight

 

The night dragged on. The Wavebounder returned to the dock and fleet commander Reef disembarked. His report was short and concise. “We burned four ships in the bay, and five more further out to sea. The rest scattered, and I ordered the fleet not to give chase. As far as I can tell, the enemy is not landing any troops anywhere near the city.”

Hildy kept her troops on alert, letting half the men sleep at a time. She had blankets brought to cover the triplets, who had fallen asleep, sitting with their backs to the warehouse that had housed the first Skull prisoners the night they  retook the city. Hildy paced and wracked her brain for ideas. Morning came with no new developments. Hildy was torn. To keep the army close to the city was the safest thing to do, but that would allow the enemy troops that had already landed to take over more of the kingdom and capture more towns and cities.

The scouts began to return from the headlands. There was no enemy landing that they could see, and no enemy ships out at sea. It struck Hildy that she had to do something. Anything. She gave orders to gather the army once more, this time, just outside the city, where the coast road began, that would take them towards the enemy they did know about. By midmorning, the army was on the move.

While she had waited for the army to get into position, she had made preparations. She had extra stocks of fireballs transferred to all the ships of the fleet, and large quantities of food, water, and blankets as well. She ordered fleet commander Reef to put to sea with the entire fleet, including the slower barges, and for the fleet to stay close to shore, keeping pace with the army as it marched. She knew she was taking a risk, but she left only a token force of two thousand men, mostly older men and young boys, to guard the more than eight thousand Skull prisoners. These guards had no armor, and most had no spear blades to put on their staves. She made up for it by arming them with knives and a few fire slings. If it was a risk, it was a calculated one, for so far, none of the Skull prisoners had shown any inclination to continue fighting for their former masters. In fact, many had been clamoring to be allowed to join the resistance army.

The army marched down the coast road until midday, when they stopped for a quick lunch. Hildy was glad she had thought to have food loaded onto the trade ships, which could be brought ashore quickly by using the longboats. Hildy had come up with an ingenious plan. She would signal the fleet by waving a white rag tied to the end of a long stick. The fleet would then pull closer to shore, a little way ahead of the army, and begin bringing food to the beach. When the army caught up, the food was waiting for them. It wasn’t hot, and it wasn’t fancy, but it would keep the army moving, and save the troops from having to carry their own provisions.

They used the same procedure that evening, as darkness drew near. The troops ate, and then slept, with only the blankets carried in the ships, to cover them. The next day was much the same, except that, when the army arrived at the beach where the food awaited them, an unexpected visitor was waiting for Hildy beside the stacks of boxes and casks of water. It was Tarry Oar, her spy master. He gave her his friendly grin, and suggested they take a stroll along the beach.

He led off with an apology. “I have failed you, commander, and for that, I am truly sorry. I am here, above all other reasons, for the purpose of warning you that the enemy plans to land troops on Middle. It would seem that this warning is a little tardy.”

Hildy couldn’t help but smile. He was such a strange and delightful little man.

“In my defense, I have only just returned from risking life and limb, sneaking around on the kingdom of Skull, and I couldn’t have gotten here any sooner without increasing that risk considerably. While my warning about the enemy landing might be late, I do have other information that might prove useful.” He paused, seeing that Hildy wanted to say something.

“You’ve been to the Skull kingdom?” Hildy was surprised. “I thought you went back to Smilingman.”

“I did, but only for as long as it took me to prepare for the mission in question. I have a few reliable contacts on Skull, but one I trust above all the others, and I thought it was time I try to contact her, a dangerous task for which we had no set procedure.”

“She?” Hildy prompted.

“Ah, yes, well, you see,” he began, “I was once engaged to be married to a lady of Skull, in my youth. Unfortunately, while I was off voyaging, in order to earn gold with which to support my bride, she, uh, caught the eye of king Nardis Skull.”

“What happened?” Hildy had to ask.

“He did what he does, young lady.” A faraway look came to his eyes as he peered towards the sun, setting over the sea. “He, um, enjoyed her company for a short while, and then had her locked away in one of his many palaces, never to be so much as seen by any man again, not even himself.”

“I am so sorry. I had no idea.” Hildy was horrified.

“Yes, well, I have kept busy with other things,” he said in return. “But I finally managed to contact her. That is why I had to go to Skull. She always had an ear for gossip. Another old friend has a daughter who works as a cook in the palace where she is kept with other women who have taken the king’s fancy. She managed to slip a few notes in and out. I have learned that king Nardis and his pet wizard are here, in Middle, with the Skull army. He means to crush you and your forces once and for all.”

Hildy nodded for him to continue, and he did.

“He has fifty thousand troops with him. They still don’t know about the flame sling weapons, as near as I can tell, although they might learn something of them if any of their ships that escaped from the sea battle off Middletown report to him. I don’t know exactly how many ships he brought here, but it is virtually all that remains of his fleet, just as the soldiers he brought are almost all the troops he had on Skull.”

“Then they outnumber us more than three to one,” Hildy pointed out.

“And you must defeat them quickly, before he decides to bring reinforcements from the other conquered kingdoms,” he reminded her. “For now, he doesn’t think that he needs any more troops to beat you, even though he isn’t sure exactly how many troops you have. And he does have one new trick to try out. He brought two thousand of his fanatical black robes with him. He is going to place them behind the three front ranks of his soldiers when they attack. The black robes have orders to kill any soldier who hesitates or tries to retreat, and they all know about those orders.”

“The man is a monster,” Hildy said, feeling a shiver run through her body that had nothing to with the chilly breeze blowing in off the sea.

“His people hate him almost as much as they fear him,” the spy master observed. “They are starving. They aren’t even growing enough crops or catching enough fish to feed the army well, and the rest of the people are even worse off. He left ten of his sons back on Skull, each with one thousand men, He doesn’t trust his sons, and he is right not to. He didn’t leave them enough men to challenge him when he returns, just enough to keep his people from revolting. Also, he thought that, with his sons evenly matched, they would be too wary of each other to join together and plot against him. He is probably right. They are a petty, jealous, and not overly-bright bunch of bullies.”

Hildy nodded, her mind already working on how to use this new information.

“I am going back to my ship, if there is nothing you need of me,” her spy master said quietly. “I haven’t slept in four days. We will sail with the fleet, so I will be close by. I know nothing of what is happening with the enemy army now, other than the fact that they are headed this way. Just wave your little flag in a circle if you wish to chat.” He waved vaguely at her as he moved off down the beach towards a small rowboat that was pulled up above the high tide line.

It began to rain, and the sea breeze grew stronger and colder.

Later, Hildy huddled under a soggy blanket by a fire, her back to a cold, wet rock. The rain had turned into a steady drizzle. She was almost asleep when a figure limped into the light of the struggling fire. Tull Caster dropped awkwardly to one knee, favoring his still-healing leg.

“It’s funny, but when the storytellers talk of great adventures, they never say anything about the heroes being cold and wet and sleepy and hungry. They skip to the good parts of the story and ignore the sore feet and runny noses.” He looked deeply into her eyes. “I just wanted to say that I love you. I have from the first time you threatened to punch me in the nose when I tried to tickle you, when we were very little.” He got back to his feet, gave her a grin, and limped off into the darkness.

Hildy smiled and shook her head. She was cold, but she had never felt so warm on the inside.

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Some thoughts on Christmas and Jesus by a guy who isn’t religious…

I guess one thing that always bothers me about the new, more militant religious conservative Christians, is their complete failure to grasp the message that the person they claim to follow was really trying to teach his followers. Not once, as far as I can remember, did Jesus ever stop and ask somebody what religion they followed before he offered to help them. And considering the fact that he started off with only 12 guys who could even be considered his followers, that pretty much means that everybody he helped was a non-Christian. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but the way he got new followers was to show them compassion and love regardless of what they believed. Maybe that was the whole idea of his teachings. To show so much compassion and love to other people that they became intrigued by him and ended up wanting to be more like him. And then there is the whole ‘turn the other cheek’ message which seems to get overlooked in the rush to find more judgmental biblical quotes to use to tell everybody else how evil they are.
And when you get right down to it, the only people Jesus ever got so mad at that he threw a hissy fit and ended up flipping over tables was a bunch of rich money lenders… or what we today would call bankers… something else to think about… if you are into that whole ‘thinking’ thing.

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I was raised Episcopalian, and, although I am now pretty much completely nonreligious, I have read the bible… which is more than a lot of too-religious people can say.

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Another ‘best spam of the week’ post!!!

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You all know how much I like to answer the stuff I get in my spam folder… because, hey, bots are people too! And here is my favorite spam from this week:

*Spam; michael bull scu11 hates black people

*Me; Thanks for sharing, ‘Ed’, at… ‘estonia runescape porn’… I have no idea who this ‘michael’ person is, but then again, I have no idea who you are, or if you are even a real person, or just a spam bot program that tries to pimp human pornography… but whoever this hater is, I despise him at least as much as I do you.

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A poem… yeah, I know, many of you see the word ‘poem’ and you run screaming… but this one is funny… and it is about Christmas… and why I might be way too obsessed with this blogging thing…

Family gathered for Christmas, a brightly burning log

I try to get in the spirit of things but I’m thinking about my blog

The kid’s have opened their presents, there’s booze in my eggnog

I sit and smile and nod a lot, but I’m thinking about my blog

When I go to workout at the gym, and on the treadmill take a jog

My mind is running to new ideas to post upon my blog

When I am in the backyard, and tossing the ball for my dog

I am also tossing ideas around to entertain you on the blog

When I’m in a drunken stupor from too much rum or pirate grog

I clear away the cobwebs by pondering my blog

When the road of life is muddied and I am mired in the bog

I find the path made easier by thinking about my blog

When my body is wracked by fever, my mind is in a fog

The only clarity I can find is thinking about my blog

As through the turmoil and confusion of everyday life I slog

My brain is trudging ceaselessly through ideas for my blog

In the vastness of this universe, I am just one tiny cog

And the place where I fit in the best is right here on my blog…

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Okay… you caught me… this is a recycled post from last year… but it still cracks me up, and it is still a little too true.

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