
Oh yeah, Martinelli’s sparkling (non-alcoholic) apple cider and champagne… it is a little like a mimosa, but more bubbly… and appley… now we just need a cool name for it.

Oh yeah, Martinelli’s sparkling (non-alcoholic) apple cider and champagne… it is a little like a mimosa, but more bubbly… and appley… now we just need a cool name for it.

I keep telling the elves not to wash my stuff in hot water.
(Author’s commentary): Uh… I got nothing. If you aren’t reading this, then my commentary doesn’t matter, and if you are, then you already know what is going on… HA! But I do like the feisty old man in this chapter.
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The Seven Kingdoms
Chapter Forty
Hildy turned from her self-doubt to the very real problems of fighting the biggest battle in the history of her world. She winked at the old man, and put a hand on each of the little girls’ heads. “Take them to safety in Middletown, and I will see what I can do about saving your kingdom.”
The old man gave her a grin that was more of a grimace. “Well, I appreciate that, young lady. They already burned my farm, and took away my daughter, who was out in the fields when they came, but let’s see how you do with the rest.”
Hildy couldn’t be angry. The old man was scared, missing his daughter, and worrying about what might happen to her, all while being in sole charge of two young children. “I will do what I can to get your daughter back to you,” she told him with great sincerity.
“I know you will,” he said, looking into her eyes. “I never meant to imply otherwise. I’m an irascible old so and so. Everybody says so.”
Hildy put a hand on his shoulder and winked at him again. She patted the girls on the head one more time, and hurried to join her army.
“I would come and fight with you, if I didn’t have the little ones to look after,” the old man shouted at her back.
“I know you would,” she yelled over her shoulder. She looked ahead to where the road passed through the cut in the ridge. A plan was beginning to form in her mind. She began to run, and as she ran, she shouted to the soldiers around her. “Follow me!” She raced along the road. She nearly laughed aloud as she continued to shout for her army to follow her, repeatedly. She never did come up with a catchy rallying cry, she considered ruefully. Follow me isn’t exactly inspirational.
Her soldiers ran, around and behind her. She passed the fire troops, pushing their twenty carts filled with jars of oil. They began pushing the carts faster, more of them grabbing hold to lend a hand. Sanara, leading them, waved at Hildy as she trotted past her, urging her slingers on to greater speed. Hildy noticed that Nius Tar and her bodyguard of one thousand soldiers had seamlessly formed a protective bubble around her as she ran. She soon overtook the front of her army, and still she ran, pulling them along with her like a great, billowing cloak.
The forest began on either side of her, young trees scattered about as the woods spread out over the plain. She stopped when she got the base of the ridge, where the ground started to rise, and the road started climbing towards the pass. The trees were thick here on both sides of the road. It was perfect for what she had in mind. She went further up the rise and stopped once more, her personal guard gathered around her. She spoke loudly, addressing all of them that could hear her. “Stop the men here. Find every troop commander and have them move their men into the trees, forming lines facing the road. But tell them to get far enough into the trees that they can’t be seen from the road. I want half the army on one side, and half on the other. And tell them I will let some of the Skull army go past us before I order the attack. When they hear shouting, they should send their troops forward, but nobody makes a sound before that.”
Her guard troops blocked the road and began passing on her orders. Hildy looked back down the hill at the road stretching away into the distance. It was a race now. Could her army hide before the first Skull troops crested the rise and spotted them? She turned back around and studied the road where it disappeared over the crest. She was happy to see one of her scouts running down the hill towards her.
“How much time do we have before they come over the top?” she asked, less politely than she might have.
The scout studied the army, seeing how fast they were moving. “It’s going to be close,” he decided.
“Get back up to the top, and signal me when they are near you,” she ordered. “And stay out of sight of them.” Then she sent runners down the hill to hurry her army along. The last of the stragglers had just slipped into the woods when Hildy glanced, for at least the hundredth time, back up at the top of the hill. The scout, standing beside a tree at the side of the road, and staying just below the crest and out of the enemies’ line of sight, was waving frantically. Hildy waved back at him, then turned the wave into a swatting motion, to remind him to get further back into the woods. Then she turned and darted into the thick forest herself, a predatory grin on her face. The time for worrying about what she could have done better was over. Now was the time to show the Skulls what her army could do.
Hildy was probably closer to the road than anyone else in her army, at least if they were all following her instructions. Nius Tar and some of her personal guard were a little way behind her, watching over her. She crouched down behind a large tree, then turned her head and winked at Nius before turning back towards the road. Soon she heard the first Skull soldiers. They were talking loudly. A moment later, the first of them came into view. More followed, and more after that. Hildy began to do a rough count as they passed her.
Two things struck her about these troops. The first thing was how shabby they looked. They were poorly equipped. Some had no armor at all, or just bits and pieces, and the armor looked poorly made. The men were filthy and many were pathetically thin. They didn’t march in formation, just shambled along like sullen children on their way to do unwanted chores. They were talking, but it wasn’t the joking and playful insults and stories of past adventures and romance that she heard from her soldiers on the march. These men were grumbling and complaining, from all she could hear. There were no officers that she could see, either.
The other thing she noticed was how many old men and young boys that were mixed in with the rest. Why were these troops leading the army? Was this representative of the whole army, or did their king send them out ahead not caring if they ran into her army and were slaughtered? Either way, she could almost feel sorry for this rabble. But they carried spears, and fate had put them on the wrong side of this war.
She was glad that she had thought to have Zar load barrels of the various shades of green dyes onto the she ships of the fleet before they left Middletown. Each day, during the meal stops, one of the thousand-man units had spread their armor on the beach, and the men took turns, splashing and dribbling the dyes onto their equipment. They had made a game of it, and many a soldier had ended up more colorful than he had intended. It took a few days for the dyes to come off human skin. The idea of her troops, many of them dressed in black armor, running out of the woods from both sides to attack similarly dressed enemy soldiers, and the confusion that might have resulted, was chilling.
She waited until about two thousand of the enemy soldiers had passed her position. She didn’t want to let any of them get past her soldiers hiding in the woods lower down the slope. The time felt right. She stood, turning sideways, looked back at Nius Tar, and lifted her spear point towards the road. “Attack!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. The men who could hear her repeated her yell, and stood, grasping their spears, and rushing forward. Hildy wasn’t at all surprised when her guard troops advanced only until they surrounded her, but the rest of the army charged the road with wild abandon. Her soldiers continued to scream that single word as they moved forward, and it spread down the ridge as more men heard it and took it up. Then she heard it coming from the woods on the other side of the road, moving towards her and getting louder and louder. The sound of so many men yelling that one word was terrifying. Maybe it wasn’t a clever battle cry, Hildy decided, but it got the job done.
Hildy stepped closer to the road, just to see how things were going. The men of her personal guard clustered nearer around her as she got closer to potential danger. She took a few more steps, and the knot of men around her grew tighter. She loved them for wanting to keep her safe, but this was going to get old quickly. And they were blocking her view. By the time she pushed her way through to the road, the attack was over.
As far as she could see, looking down the road, were Skull soldiers, holding their empty hands up by their shoulders. Their spears lay scattered at their feet. A few of the prisoners had minor wounds, but only the few who had been so startled by the attack that they didn’t drop their weapons fast enough when ordered to do so. She looked up the road towards the cut and saw Skull soldiers streaming up the hill as fast as they could run. Most of them had dropped their spears as well.
“We can’t stop here!” she shouted to the troops around her. “Form up in your units and make for the top of the ridge.” She realized that she had to do something with the prisoners, even as her men began to trot past her.
She beckoned Nius Tar over to her. “Send half your men down the hill. Have them strip the prisoners of everything but their tunics. And I mean their sandals, too. Then tell them to start walking to Middletown, and when they get there, to turn themselves in at the camps. Tell them they will be easy to spot, in their black tunics, and if they stop and cause any trouble, or try to hide, we will find them and make them sorry. They can eat any food that was left by the refugees, but if they steal any from anywhere else, I will have them all killed. Slowly. And hide their armor and weapons in the woods. Make small piles and then throw some leaves over them.
Nius Tar grinned, and went to relay the orders. Hildy turned to the nearest prisoners. “Did you all hear what I just said?”
Those that had, nodded. One, an older man, spoke. “You don’t need to worry about us, great lady. We never wanted to be here in the first place.” He threw his helmet on the road and began to unstrap his leather chest piece. The others around him did the same. Soon, the prisoners were making their way down the slope, staying off the road as much as they could, to allow the resistance army troops to pass them in the other direction.

(Author’s commentary… or should I call these ‘Arthur’s commentaries???): I love the old man at the end of this chapter. He is even funnier at the beginning of the next chapter… which might be the last one I post on the blog. If I post the whole thing, nobody will ever buy it. I still need an editor or two, for anybody who can spell and punctuate, and wants a free, signed copy of the book sent to them, and a very nice dedication page written about them… hint… hint…
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The Seven Kingdoms
Chapter Thirty Nine
The rain was gone the next morning. The army marched in brilliant sunshine. The day passed, and the following day, in the strange, new routine. On the morning that followed those days, as the army prepared to march once more, the first of the scouts sent to keep watch on the enemy came into camp. He reported to Hildy. “The enemy army is enormous, but we can’t get an accurate count. We can never see all of them at once.”
“I know how many of them there are,” Hildy told him. “What are they doing?”
“They sent a much smaller force down the coast road on the other side of the kingdom, but the main army is marching this way. You are headed right for them. They aren’t moving very fast, but they are burning the towns and farms behind them, and sending everyone they can catch back to their base. The good news is that most of the people fled into the wilds before the enemy could get their hands on them.”
“Their base? Where is that,” Hildy asked.
“One of the other scouts managed to get close a look at the two small cities right on the tip of the kingdom. The Skulls didn’t burn them, and they left a small contingent to guard them. The scout saw some of our people being rowed out to the Skull ships, men women and children.” The man gritted his teeth as he delivered this news.
“Hostages,” Hildy said, feeling her anger rise, “and more conscripts for their army. How long until we bump into the enemy?”
The scout pondered this for a moment. “I can’t really say, commander. I don’t know how fast you can move, and the Skulls move at different speeds, depending on what they find. But they do seem to be spending a lot of time scouring the countryside for any kind of food. And I can tell you this. When the roving units do find anything, they don’t send it back to the army most of the time. They eat it right there.”
Hildy thanked the man and told him to get some food before reporting to his unit commander. She went and found the leader of the scouts herself, and told him to send more of his men out. Three were to cross to the other coast and watch the smaller enemy force there, and the rest were to help the men watching the main army. It wouldn’t do to let the smaller force get behind her forces.
Soon after, the army began its morning march, they started seeing the first refugees streaming down the coast road towards them. The people were frightened. They had only been liberated by the resistance army a short time before, and now, once again, Skull troops had marched into their towns and onto their farms, and this time, it was worse than before. The people fled, carrying little or nothing with them, even as Skull troops began to ransack their homes behind them. Hildy felt terrible about it, but she kept her army on the road, forcing the refuges off to the sides. The faster the army moved, the less territory the enemy would take, and the less refugees there would be.
Some of the fleeing people had been warned by the runners Hildy had sent out. These people carried a few changes of clothes, a little food, and perhaps a blanket or two. But for the rest, Hildy felt she had to do something. She used her flag to signal the fleet. The fleet commander himself came ashore in one of the Wavebounder’s longboats, to see what was happening.
“Unload some of the army’s food for these people, right here,” Hildy told him. “And send a few of the fastest ships back to Middletown. Bring more food and blankets and clothes, and drop them off half a day’s march apart.”
He just nodded and ran back to the longboat.
Hildy stood on a large rock and shouted, to be heard by as many of the refugees as possible. She told them to keep moving towards Middletown, and that supplies would be waiting for them on their journey. Then she left to take her position in the center of the marching column.
Just as the army stopped for the midday meal, a pair of the runners she had sent out to warn the kingdom of the new invasion, found her, and gave their report. “We got to as many people as we could,” one told her. “We went until we saw the first Skull soldiers, the front of their army, then we started back, warning people as we went. We didn’t stop on the way, but we yelled at anybody we saw to get out of there. We figured that was the best way to do it, to warn the most people.”
The two men looked haggard. “When did you last sleep or eat?” she asked.
We brought a little bread, dried fish, and some water with us, and ate while we walked, then we started running again,” the other man replied. “I think we slept for a little while, the night before last, but I’m not sure exactly what day this is.”
Hildy looked down at their feet. One man’s sandals were held on his feet with bits of rag, ripped from the hem of his own tunic. The other man was barefooted. She could see blood drops in in his footprints, leading up to where he stood. She felt her eyes fill with tears, and, impulsively, she grabbed each man in turn and hugged him close. She asked their names, and told them that she would never forget them. Then she told them to eat and get some sleep before returning to Middletown.
“But we want to fight with the army,” the first man said, while the second man nodded and looked at her pleadingly.
Tears began to stream down her cheeks, and she just nodded, unable to speak. She put a hand on each man’s shoulder, and turned away.
The army marched through the afternoon. Marching near Hildy were the two runners, each wearing new sandals, donated by a pair of sailors from the fleet who had been manning the longboats bringing supplies ashore. The two runners had no armor and no weapons. They weren’t trained soldiers. They had told her that they would pick up what they needed from slain or captured Skull soldiers. She liked having them nearby. They gave her strength somehow.
Refugees continued to stream by in the other direction, in groups and alone, the old and the young, helping one another along. The soldiers cheered them, and told them there was food waiting for them on the way. In turn, the fleeing people cheered the army, thanking them, and telling them to stay safe.
The next day was very much the same, and the day after that. The next day was not at all the same. It started off much like the others, but as they began marching after the midday meal, they noticed that the stream of refugees became a trickle, and then dried up altogether. They marched for a long while without seeing anyone at all, and then an old man appeared, holding two little girls by the hands, and pulling them along behind him. Hildy stopped to speak with the old man, who had a long, white, pointed beard that stretched past his belt.
“Hello, grandfather,” Hildy began, smiling at the two young girls.
“Ha!” the spry old fellow bellowed. “These young ones can call me that, because I am their grandfather. I know who you are, in your fancy green armor. And you had better watch out. Those Skull soldiers are not far behind us.”
Hildy immediately called for the leader of the scouts, and sent three of them ahead. The road had turned a little inland where she stood, and she could see that is passed into a patch of forest and then rose, climbing the forested slopes of a ridge than ran across their line of march and down almost to the sea. She told the scouts to climb the ridge to where the road ran through a low cut, and see what was on the other side.
“Why didn’t you ride in the boats?” the old man asked.
Hildy turned back to him. “Excuse me?”
“The boats,” he repeated, pointing out so sea, where the fleet sailed slowly along with the marching army. “Why didn’t you and your soldiers just ride down here in them? Would’ve been faster, you ask me.”
Hildy was annoyed, but didn’t let it show. “I didn’t know exactly where the enemy was, or if they were landing troops at other points around the kingdom. And it isn’t easy to land troops from the sea onto a beach, even if the enemy isn’t slinging rocks at you while you land.”
“I’m sure you know best, missy,” the old man said. “Seems to me you are doing just fine, running the army and all.”
“Thanks,” Hildy replied, sounding a little more sarcastic than she meant to. The truth was that she had been agonizing over whether it had been wise to march the army all this way rather than using the fleet to move them. She was more annoyed with herself than with the old man. She watched her army trudging past her, all so sure she knew what she was doing. More sure than she was.
Her inner dialogue was cut short by the return of one of the scouts. “The front of the enemy army is on the other side of that ridge,” the scout reported, still panting from his run. “Lots of them are spreading out on the flat plain beyond the ridge, heading for the farms there. But a lot of them are staying on the road. They are making for that pass right there, and there are a lot more coming behind them.”
I don’t even know where to start with this one. I happened to hear somebody on the TV singing that horrible Christmas song… you know the one… the one that starts off with: Baby, it’s cold outside… yeah, that one, the one where the guy is basically whining and pouring drinks into the girl to get her to stay overnight… the creepiest ‘Christmas seduction/date rape’ song of the holiday season, easily beating out that ‘Santa Baby’ song, which is pretty creepy in a lot of other ways…
Well, the thing is… and this is the ‘thing’ that almost made me blow my first sip of morning coffee right out through my freekin’ snout… but you know what is creepier than a guy pouring booze into a girl while singing about how the driving conditions outside are very unsafe, and that he is so concerned about her that he believes having her sleep with him would be less tragic than her dying in a fiery car crash? I will tell you what is creepier than that… when a guy who is 90 is singing it to a girl who is 30… in a freekin’ bookstore.
This has ruined Christmas for me… and reading books…
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This post is recycled from last year… they are still showing the commercial… I changed their ages, just so you know.


And Merry Christmas!