Love yourself… I mean, maybe not as much as I do… but still…

a 51Oh man… I kill me…

Posted in My art, Pictures of me | Tagged , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Gettin’ in the mood…

imageedit_1_4326736666Nom nom nom nom nom…

Posted in My art, my weird moving pictures | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

How the god of the old testament reminds me of an irresponsible gun owner, and why that made it impossible for me to take religion seriously… seriously…

You know how, every once in a while, and way more often than you think it could or should happen, some idiot leaves a gun lying around, and then some kid ends up shooting either another kid or themselves?

The very first time I ever heard the Adam and Eve story… and I mean way back when I was a kid myself… the first thought that popped into my head was that god should never have left those two alone in the garden while he went to work. That apple was the moral equivalent of an adult leaving a loaded gun lying around and leaving, after telling the two naïve, curious, little ones they could touch anything… except the gun.

I mean, let’s not even drag the snake into this. What kind of responsible god would do such a thing? Especially one who supposedly knew exactly what was going to happen.

If you add in the story about the same god sneaking into a virgin’s bedroom late one night and knocking her up… or asking a loyal fan to slice his own kid’s throat to show how loyal he is… well… sorry… that isn’t a god I can get behind, even without all the genocide and slavery and other such nonsense.

Yes, I know he later sent his own kid down to do a public relations campaign to soften up his image, but sorry… too little too late.

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Oh, I’m a lumber jack, and I’m okay…

a 27Okay, I swear that is the last one… probably…

Posted in My art | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Oh, I’mbuma lumbumajack, but I’mba otay!

a 25I guess you will either get this one or you won’t.

Posted in funny famous people pictures, My art | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Oh, I’m a lumberjack…

a 25… but I’m not okay…

Posted in My art, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Look deep into my eyes…

a 53Hey… my eyes are up there…

a 63

Posted in My art | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Please… just put me in charge of this crazy planet… for a year or two…

I started a Facebook campaign recently, running for the position of Supreme Leader of all the Universes.

And I won.

There has been some suggestion that my victory was due mostly to low voter turnout.

But if you do not mind a suggestion, there are some very good reasons why you might want to consider putting me in charge of everything. Just for a year or two. You know darn well that I will get bored being the Overlord and move on to something else. That’s just the way I am.

But here are a few things I will try to get done before my attention begins to wander;

1. I will take away everyone’s cars, and replace them with those bumper cars you see at fairs and amusement parks.

The advantages to my plan are numerous. It will drastically reduce our consumption of oil and gas, and curtail global warming. Billions of dollars will be saved if we eliminate traffic accidents. Texting and driving, no problem. Heck, you can drive drunk if you want. We wont even need lanes on the freeways anymore. If someone cuts you off, just ram them. No more road rage. I even believe that drive-by shootings will become a thing of the past, because no self-respecting gang banger is going to roll up in a clown car and bust some caps. And even if they did, they couldn’t get away fast enough to do them any good.

I realize that we would still need an effective long distance electric rail system to supplement this plan, and the transition phase will be a little tricky, but you just let me worry about the details. Also, if you are a fan of the show Top Gear, you will know that this idea was suggested on a recent episode, but ask anyone who knows me, I have been talking about this plan for fifteen or twenty years, so it is my plan.

2. Taxes will be based not on how much you earn, but rather on how much of a jerk I think you are. The advantages of this system should be obvious.

3. Sports figures will no longer be paid millions of dollars. They all say the love the game, so they shouldn’t mind. It is still just a game after all. The money we save will be used to pay stay at home parents and give teachers raises.

4. All high school students will be required to show up early once a week at school, and help pick up the trash they tossed around, while the custodians stand around watching and offering helpful suggestions. They can also clean the bathrooms while they are at it.

5. All teenage boys will be required to pull their pants up. Or they have the option of replacing their boxer shorts with lacy pink panties so that we can all snicker at them.

6. The amount of time you get to spend on Facebook, or your blog, or talking and texting on your cell phone, will be directly linked to how interesting you are. I am sorry, but those of you who have nothing interesting to say will have to find other hobbies.

7. Corporations will not be allowed to be people unless they try to be good people. They have to help with the chores, be good listeners, lend a hand to their neighbors, and be responsible citizens before I will even consider allowing them to be people.

8. Hypocrisy will be penalized. If you claim to be pro-life, and you cheer when Texas brags about its death penalty numbers, you will be fined. If you proclaim yourself to be all for family values, but you are cheating on your spouse, it is going to cost you. If you are a person who brags about being religious and you use that as an excuse to look down on anyone else, or think you are better than them, get ready to get your wallet or purse out.

This next part is going to be tricky, because I know Americans like their guns, but here it is;

9. You can all own one gun. That’s it. Just one. Choose wisely. Oh, and did I mention that you can only buy one bullet at a time, and that they will cost $5,000 each?… (it is called the Barney Fife law)…

10. You can not call hunting a sport. Shooting a deer with a high-powered rifle with a scope is not a sport. Sports never start with one team not knowing the game has begun. If you climb into a cage with a bear and a pocket knife, you can call that a sport.

11. There will be no more attempted murder charges. If you shoot someone and they survive, you will be charged with murder and being a bad shot. In fact, if you fire a gun anywhere within range of another human being, that is a murder charge, and a being an idiot charge on top of it.

To finish off this piece, I have two final rules;

12. Prejudice will be against the law. If you think that being the color that you are makes you better than people who are not that color, then keep it to yourself. Because if I hear you say that out loud, you are going to be arrested, tattooed some other color, and be forced to become what you despise. Same thing if you go around saying cruel things about gay people. The police will come to your house and dress you like a drag queen, and then glue that fabulous sequined evening gown to your body with glue that can never be removed. You have been warned.

12. My last rule will be controversial as well, but here it is; Politicians will no longer be allowed to run for public office.

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Does anybody else have a dog who sleeps like this?

IMG_4506I’m just curious, that’s all.

IMG_4505

Posted in dogs and other animals, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

A beginners guide to not getting beat up or shot by the police…

The ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement is an understandable reaction by disenfranchised segments of American society to find a voice against years of oppressive treatment by law enforcement. The anger and outrage and helplessness that this movement seeks to express is completely legitimate, and this is a problem that needs to be addressed.

The thing is… and this is a ‘thing’ that also needs to be addressed, and is being overlooked by all sides in this argument… showing every video of every tragic confrontation between police and the society they are supposed to protect over and over on the news is not making things better.

Both sides are simplifying the issues. Nobody… except maybe a few despicable racists… is making the argument that black lives don’t matter. Conversely, not every incident involving police violence can be swept under the rug and, while we all should support our law enforcement officials, there does need to be oversight and a case-by-case review of all these incidents.

The problem with the endless parade of police violence videos shown by the media is that they usually only show the last part of the situation. They rarely show the entire event from beginning to end. Obviously, there are a number of these situations in which the police overreacted. But the number is smaller than the media makes it look like it is. And all these situations have one thing in common… They escalated to tragedy.

If I can offer one piece of advice, it is this;

If guys with guns, sticks, Tasers, dogs, pepper spray and handcuffs tell you to do something, do it.

If you feel you were wrongly pulled over, or are being falsely arrested, the time of your arrest is not the time to get into a legal dispute. Let them give you the ticket, or put the handcuffs on and take you to jail… then argue your case in court later.

The simple truth is that police officers in the field are your first judge. They determine whether or not you will be charged with a crime. They decide whether or not to give you a warning, a ticket, or to arrest you. Arguing with them is never going to change the outcome for the better. That is why we have courts. If you think you don’t deserve the ticket, that doesn’t mean that you can just refuse to comply with an officer’s orders. That makes them nervous and starts adrenaline flowing. That is when things always start to go wrong.

I’m not saying this is fair. I’m saying that, whatever color you are, pissing off the police is a bad idea.

I would like to point out that there are very few incidents in our history where a police officer just walked up and shot a person of any color for no reason. Same with all the other types of force the police use to ensure compliance. They don’t walk up and start wrestling with people for no reason. A confrontation with police always begins because they think something illegal has occurred. Yes, you can make the argument that the ‘stop and frisk’ policy is overdoing the ‘preventative’ role of the police. Maybe we should do away with that. I am not making the argument that having a police officer start frisking you is a good thing. I am just saying that, at that point, pulling away, or refusing to follow their instructions, or trying to run, or putting up a fight, no matter how justified you feel you are, will not end up well.

Let’s take the latest video to be making the news organizations wet themselves as an example. The one about the female African-American high school student being thrown around and arrested in a classroom. The officer might well have used excessive force. I am not defending him or his actions. But how did this start? And more importantly, why did she think she had the right to refuse first the directions of her teacher and then the commands of the officer? Believe me, I know teenage rebellion, and I will get to a story about me soon enough, but what did she think the outcome was going to be? How long did she think she could just sit there and ignore the teacher and the cop? What was the point she was trying to make, and how did she picture the ending of her one-person rebellion going exactly?

Cops do not want to get into a fight with anyone. Their job is dangerous enough. But if they decide you need to be in handcuffs, go along with them, and complain later. Cops love a cooperative suspect. Trust me on this. Just do what they tell you and once you are in cuffs, they no longer consider you a threat and everything deescalates rapidly at that point.

Now you may be asking yourself; what the hell does this old white dude know about any of this?

Well, let me tell you.

I grew up in the Bay Area in the 60’s and 70’s. And I was not a big fan of authority. I have had more firsthand encounters with law enforcement than I am going to admit to here. I was rebellious, stubborn, argumentative, and more than a little crazy. Let me give you one example.

Back in the day, a band I was managing was playing in a dive bar in San Francisco. I was out in the parking lot. It was like two in the morning. I was drunk. I saw two guys chase a third guy around the corner and into the back corner of the lot. They started to work him over with blackjacks… (a leather bag with a big, steel ball inside). I thought the guy was getting mugged, and I jumped in to help. Turns out that the two guys were undercover cops, and the third guy, the one I was trying to help, had just stabbed another undercover cop.

My bad.

After they got the suspect cuffed… and trust me, they weren’t gentle about it, even though he was white, I started to get a little upset about the fact that they had used the blackjacks on me a few times before I figured out I was on the wrong side. So I demanded their identification… because cops aren’t supposed to carry blackjacks, that is illegal. Also, I was indignant over the fact that they hadn’t thanked me for… mistakenly… trying to help a guy who was being mugged. Also… Bacardi and cokes…

At this point, they arrested me for ‘interfering in an arrest’.

Don’t worry, the charges were later dropped.

Later that night, I was transferred from a small substation to the main San Francisco jail. On the way there, a big, fat, white pimp was talking smack to the two drivers. They kept telling him to shut up and he wouldn’t. They must have radioed ahead. When we got to the main jail’s underground parking lot, they had me and a few other prisoners line up facing the wall while 6 or 7 cops worked the pimp over… a white pimp, I remind you.

Later, I was asked to testify in a police brutality trial. I declined… because I still had to live in the Bay Area. I’m not proud of that decision, but it was the right one. Because pissing cops off is a bad idea.

I have lots of stories like this, but I am not sharing them here. The point I am trying to make is that, while race might play some role in some of these types of occurrences, the thing that always plays a part in them is that somebody decided that it was a good idea to ignore what they were being told by the guys with all the hardware for enforcing laws… and compliance.

Posted in Stories of my life, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments