Pouring My Art Out

I started to get a little worried that my choice of facial hair might not be the best one for me…

I have gone on record to say that I only grew the mustache because if I do not maintain one, my mouth makes me look as if I am constantly giving the world a slightly condescending smile, like I know something that the rest of you do not know. While this might actually be true, it is certainly not the impression that I want give. Nor do I wish to appear as if I am happy all the time. Only blithering idiots are happy all the time.

So I decided to see if my facial hair works on other faces…

That isn’t a bad look. But I imagine that you might be thinking that a baby looks cute no matter what kind of facial hair it decides to grow…

Is it just me, or does he look like Borat and Frank Zappa had a love child? No doubt the Bieber fans among you think that once again I picked a face that was going to be adorable no matter what I did to it. So let me try the other end of the cuteness spectrum…

Ha… Who is laughing now? Even that horrible bridge-troll of a man, Dick Cheney, the guy who decided that America didn’t need to hold the moral high ground, looks good with a little bit of me grafted to his face. Now he looks like a high school principal or a certified public accountant, and not like someone who shoots his friends in the face.

And speaking of the other end of the spectrum…

Now that my facial hair is acquiring a touch of grey, it is suitable for use on more respected members of the human race…

Would Ben Franklin have been even more beloved if he had gone with this look? It certainly couldn’t have hurt his popularity any.

And what of his famous contemporary, the Father of our Nation?

Can’t you just see that on your money?

And I think he could have pulled off this look at any age…

The more I toyed with this little experiment, the more I became convinced that this look would work for anybody…

Even Jennifer Lopez.

And I didn’t even use a picture of my mustache when it was young and in its prime. Or even well-trimmed…

When you get right down to it, my mustache is sort of a classic. And I am not the only person who thinks so. Without trying too hard, I thought of two people who went with a very similar look…

The man who invented nonviolent revolution, and led his country to freedom…

And the man who many consider to be the smartest man ever to live.

I rest my case.

For now, I may or may not be finished talking about mustaches.

I guess we will just have to wait and see.