So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 14…

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I honestly don’t have any good Trump-era survival tips for my female readers. I wish I did… I have two daughters… and a wife… and a mom. Despite Trump’s claims that he promotes women in his companies and treats them fairly, it seems fairly obvious that he is a sexist jerk. And I would be willing to bet that a large percentage of his male supporters, coworkers and hand-picked staff and cabinet, are all the kinds of guys who think women should work in porn or at Hooters, or maybe in the office… to bring them coffee and type stuff… if they aren’t the decent kind of women who are home, pregnant and cooking dinner.

 

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 13…

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Invest your money in wall-building materials, taco trucks, and giant, gold letter T’s… but don’t actually drive around in the truck… that might get you deported… hire some Trump supporters to do that.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 12…

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Learn to breathe underwater… or grow gills… because, you know… unrestricted corporations, a gutted EPA run by climate change deniers, no oversight or ethics at all when it comes to the things that are causing global warming… I am in good shape, because I swim like a fish and have size fifteen feet. The bad news is that I live pretty close to the Pacific Ocean.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 11…

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Get healthy… now… because, you know… no health care…

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 10…

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Learn to overlook stuff. Here is a short list of things you should start with:

Ethics violations

Racial slurs

Random vagina grabbing

Abuse of power

Corporate greed

Melting icecaps

Higher taxes… unless you are rich

Poor air quality

Violent attacks on members of minority groups

Horrible and stupid tweets from the most powerful man on the planet

Women being treated like crap

I could go on… endlessly… but maybe you should just start practicing overlooking these things… and work your way down from here.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 9…

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I suggest investing in a good quality air mask. Once the regulations for the big corporations go away, you will be lucky if you can even see through the air anymore.

 

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 8…

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Disguise yourself as a Trump supporter. I know, this is… unpalatable… but you don’t actually have to shoot anyone or anything, or yell racial or sexual slurs, or punch your wife or grab a stranger’s vagina. You just have to look like you might.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 7…

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Fake your own death. I am sure this will be fairly complicated. I just come up with these brilliant ideas… I don’t pretend to be able to provide all the details. I can’t do everything. And we can’t all move to Canada.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 6…

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If you are not white and male, I strongly suggest you get some white makeup and a fake mustache. I know, I feel bad about this too, but, in case you haven’t noticed, the guy is a racist and a sexist, and he surrounds himself with people who feel the same way… even the women… I’m not exactly sure how the men who aren’t Caucasian justify supporting or even working for or with Trump, but it has to be a little unnerving.

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So you elected an asshole: A survival guide… part 5…

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Okay, I may not have thought this one through. I was going to suggest that you bio-engineer a virus that will kick off a zombie apocalypse, on the theory that the survivors would end up living in a Trump-free world. But, as soon as I started doing this post, I realized two things. Most of his followers are well-armed gun nuts or out-and-out survivalists, and they are probably going to end up being the ones who repopulate the world… oh boy… and also, Trump won’t be attacked by any zombies… because they are looking for brains… so never mind.

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