Well, once again I find myself in an awkward situation where a person who has been commenting on my blog for a long time has somehow never ended up having me return the favor. So I went over to: http://bumblepuppies.wordpress.com/ just to find a clever way to introduce our next victim… uh… guest… and I only had to read the ‘about’ page and the two most recent posts before I hit the follow button.
Here is the interview. I haven’t read it yet. I like to add my little silly comments right as I am preparing the interview for posting to keep it fresh… and if you think these clever little jokes in-between the regular interview questions and answers are easy, they aren’t…
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1. What do you like best about my blog?
My favorite part of your blog is you.
(That’s my favorite part too!!!)
2. Do you like monkeys?
Of course I like monkeys. Didn’t I just say I like you?
(I would also have accepted just plain ‘yes’)
3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each day for one hour you had to stand under the Eifel Tower naked, would you still go?
No. Paris was fun for a couple of days but a month is too long to spend there. If I had a month’s time for travel, I’d go elsewhere.
(But would you spend one hour a day wandering around naked? Don’t try to weasel out of the main point of the question)
4. What makes your blog unique?
My intellectual superiority.
(No… seriously… oh, fine, we are trying to be funny after all)
5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the first order you would issue?
General Tso’s chicken with a side of fried rice.
(See, now that is funny and it makes sense. It takes a lot of energy to run a universe. I myself am running 126 of them as we speak, and I burn a lot of calories)
6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
When I was in high school, my mom once forgot to do laundry. That meant I had to wear white after Labor Day.
(I have lost all respect for you, and I am going to unfollow you as soon as I am done being frightfully clever… and I don’t even have the fashion gene… or fashionable jeans)
7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid, or a baby?
A kid, roasted over an open flame and seasoned with pomegranate sauce and zatar. I could eat goat all day.
(You had me worried for a moment… I think of this blog as a family friendly place… for the most part, where kids came roam around… well, not the part where I tried to get you all to help me write a funny porno movie script, or the weird pictures of Dick Cheney, or some of the comments I get, or Inner View #4… and I have been told that I do not know where the ‘line’ is… but I do know that cannibalism involving human infants would be at least one step over that line)
8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick Cheney ever did?
He offered to drop from the 2004 presidential ticket if it would help Bush get reelected. Whether you love or hate Cheney’s politics, he was effective at getting policies through and he should have put governance concerns ahead of Bush’s reelection.
(I am not that bright, and I can’t tell if that was a pro-Cheney or an anti-Cheney answer, so I am going to move on before my spleen pops)
9. What is the worst thing that you ever did?
I read “Pride and Prejudice” in high school instead of the Cliff Notes.
(You went to high school???)
10. If you could have dinner with one fictional character… including cartoons… who would you pick?
Monkey, from the book of the same name.
(I don’t know that book… but I do know that you would have earned more points with me if you had said: one of the monkeys from Arthur’s adorable children’s book called ‘I Like Monkeys’, and available on the book page on this blog by clicking on the picture of the book in the sidebar over there to the right, and did I mention that he wrote it and painted the illustration of the cute monkeys and other neat things?)
11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a barbecue, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring yourself to kill and eat the cow?
There’s no need to kill the cow. It will eat or stampede through the wall before things get desperate. While I wait, there’s always milk.
(The walls are 12 feet thick reinforced concrete, and it is a bull! Milk it carefully. HA!)
12. What one word describes your blog best?
Crustacean.
(What do lobsters write letters on? Crustationary)
13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your family for if they declared their undying love for you?
No. Celebrities are overrated and they have too many STD’s.
(I get the feeling that not every one is being completely honest with this question)
14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that? And can I have a picture of you?
My name is Kermit the Frog. I’m sure you can find a picture of me easily.
(What is very small, green, and smells like pork? Never mind, don’t answer that… it’s an old joke)
15. What makes you cry?
Smoke-filled rooms.
(I could assume you are just sensitive to smoke, but I would rather assume that you sit in smoky rooms listening to soulful music as you weep silently at the haunting beauty of a moving song)
16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or dead, who would that be?
Jane Austen. I figure I could write a nifty little bestseller about the encounter.
(You do realize that answer is going to fly right over the heads of most of the people here… half of them don’t even know who Dick Cheney is, so references to literature are more or less wasted)
17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me?
No. I believe you still owe me one automobile. Pay up.
(Why does everybody keep getting me confused with Oprah???)
18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able to do?
Fly. (Ever see Dumbo?)
(I have kids, of course I have seen it… are you going to accept having gigantic, freaky ears too???)
19. Which drug side effects from those TV commercials disturb you the most?
Suicide for depression medications. It kind of defeats the point…
(But you would die happy)
20. Who the hell do you think you are?
Kermit the Frog.
(Kermit the frog was my second choice on that game I played with the train full of dead heads where we tried to decide which famous person, real or made-up had the best personality for your soon-to-be child to be born with.)
21. Now tell us why we should follow you…
Because I taste good, especially to those pesky Parisians.
(Well, those are the people who proved that snails taste okay if you put enough garlic and butter on them, so…)
Just for you…
1. Who does your hair?
Me. I keep it short enough that I don’t need a barber.
(Do you use one of those Flowbee things where you have a razor attached to a vacume hose and just clip and suck the hair right off your own head???)
2. Have you ever been arrested?
No. Sorry to be so boring.
(Don’t apologize for that… we already decided that the world needs boring people, or we wouldn’t have proctologists or business executives)
3. What is the weirdest animal you ever ate?
Alligator, but that’s only because the restaurant didn’t have nutria rats.
(You ate at the wrong place. Any decent place would have alligator stuffed with nutria rats. Seriously, I only know about those rats because I watch Swamp People. I love a show that is filmed in your own country and they still have to add subtitles… but not Duck Dynasty or whatever, I never watched that even before I found out what douchebags those guys are)
4. What is the meaning of life?
To come, to see, to conquer, and then to take a nice long nap.
(Ooohhh… a very Conan the barbarian answer, and I love that guy… not the movie ones, the ones from the original books… I do posts about Conan all the time… me and him, we saved a guy’s life once together… I am not making this up… I did the post)
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Okay, people, you know the drill. You have been amazed by his answers, now go check out his blog. I did, and now I am following him, so if I have less time to be funny here, it is all his fault.
Pouring My Art Out 
Does fighting your own demons count as ninjas??
Heck yeah it does.
then I have never stopped
Good.
and how do u know i don’t fight ninjas in my spare time and i wish more people would just tell the damn truth however embarrassing it may save a lot of suicides and cut down on the number of depressed. Instead of putting on that mask before we walk out the door and pretend everything is hunky dory we would all feel less alone and a failure if others admitted they felt shit too and they screwed up big time
I hope you do fight ninjas. I did a bunch of silly posts of ninjas. And honesty is a weird thing. Too much is bad, not enough is bad. I think people found you to be delightfully honest without being mean spirited.
ah you are such a sweetie I fear I am falling in love with you but I note from a recent post that you are taken; ah no good men left, none available anyway.
I’m thinking of having a dog, they seem the only good guys left!
I sometimes worry I am too honest and tell people too much about my vulnerabilities and life story; one they might not give a damn and therefore I am cheapening my own pain and secondly they may use it against me which one ‘friend’ has done already. So I cut him out but it did make me wary.
My honesty is mainly targeted at myself and I do have strong opinions but I try hard not to be mean. Do no harm and treat others the way you’d like to be treated seem to work for me.
You can only be the best person you can be, but there are a lot of people out there. Some of them must be the ones you are meant to get to know.
i admire your eternal optimism whether at my best or worse still me
I am not optimistic at all. I am a sarcastic cynic. But there are so many people in the world, the odds of finding some good ones is still pretty high.
btw why did you describe me as ‘brave’ in your closing comment in the interview?
You opened up, told the truth, it just seemed brave to me. I’m not saying you fight ninjas, just that you don’t mind telling embarrassing stories.
or just a fool
Not at all. Opening up is the secret to good writing, and making friends and finding love.
I prefer beautiful. Don’t you hate it when people tell you diplomatically that you are beautiful inside? Code for you are buck ugly but hey never mind you have a good heart.
Well, we can’t really go around telling ugly people they are ugly, can we???
no honesty has a limit and can’t be cruel
Being human is complicated.
tell me about it it sucks you have to play nice even when others don’t I believe that is called taking the moral high ground and rising abovve it all. Bitter moi?
I am not a very good high ground taker…
correction: subversive well maybe sub-service too
hey… I am posting your interview in about ten minutes…
HA… you are funny.
Bumblepuppies! How have we never met? It’s nice to meet you. I’ve had alligator, just once. It tastes like chicken, does it not? Your answers are very clever. I will be by to check out the puppies. You can order me a car, too. Aren’t you ordering cars now?
Once again, this isn’t the Oprah show.
I like the color blue. Seaspray Pearl is a nice color! Count me in for that car. And thank you!
sigh
Hey would it be too narcissistic to nominate myself as a potential ‘victim’? I’ve never been interviewed, it would make me feel ‘important’. Could you make my dream come true, like on Xfactor??
Well, I was sort of ending this after the last few I still have to post, but if I can’t make a dream come true, what kind of blogger would I be… are you following me yet? I am just curious. And I need an email address to send the questions to.
Yes I have just started, rude not to, I only discovered your existence. Email address chowanyau@gmail.com Thanks for making my dream come true!
Okay. It might take a few days to get to it. Have fun
No rush thanks I will be looking out for it with great anticipation my few minutes of fame does that make me a ‘celebrity’?
No… it might make you a celery… ha!
as long as it doesn’t make me a spud
Only you can make you a spud… and you need a comfy couch… and a TV… and some junk food…
oops i have all the ingredients required
Welcome to the American dream!
but I’m chinese and we didn’t hand snowden over na na na na
Well played… and I love the Chinese… history, food, culture, art, all the best inventions. Where do you live now? Because I want to get a view from China on my stats.
hk
Is that Hong Kong?
special administrative region of china one country teo systems got to love them talk about thinking outside the box
Well, they probably invented the box… so…
Maybe you can bring your laptop, hop on a boat, go somewhere on the mainland, and then send a comment to my blog… would that work?
slow boat to china what century are you in? We spuds don’t travel well
I forgot about your grand ambition…
spuds don’t travel well and no slow boat to china in 2014 need time travel bk to the future
So a Tardis…
Yep actually I live near the border a hop on the train would do it but then The Mainland Chinese and their censorship would probably confiscate my laptop for subservice material and treason and I’d be thrown in jail afer a kangaroo trial so as much as I love you, the answer is no.
Btw have you received my scintillating answers?!
I just posted it!!! Awesome… and yes, do not go to jail just for me… if they showed my blog in the trial, they would never let you out.
hey thanks for the plug; much funnier with your input, we make a good double act. And how was it for you dear? That good huh?
And I don’t need to ‘know’ you to detect wit and intelligence, I am an English grad after all!
Yep the ex messed me up pretty good but I am a recovering addict.
I rsolve in 2014 to relegate him in the locker marked the past and throw away the key, seems I have failed miserably and we’re only into the second week.
Hey… there are plenty of other men out there… and only most of them will break your heart, crush your spirit, and trample your soul.
And yes, that was good for me… I had to have a smoke afterwards. Thanks, and I hope you get a lot of new visitors now.
thanks l’m sure not all are bad apples
Right. Some are sour grapes, rotten pears, or clingy peaches
or plain arseholes is a rose not a rose if it was called by another word?
Well, I don’t know if a rose is a rose if you call it an arsehole… HA!
I used to watch Duck Dynasty until they developed the unfortunate Walmart affiliation. It is not okay to get rich exploiting people. Those people are a bunch of hypocrites.
The Swamp People, that’s the one with all the people in the bayou catching alligators. I like the woman and the crazy guy who wears women’s underwear.
I missed the underwear part…
Now he’s funny! I’ve also eaten alligator and it tasted like KFC and this was in Trinidad many years ago
I ate that too.
Fun times…better entertainment than TV or watching the grim weather outside!
Yay… we are funnier than an arctic storm and reruns!!!
Flash frozen?
partly… but it was the good parts
This was a good idea Art, we get to know so many other bloggers! Not in a nice cocktail party type of way, but in a weird & wonderful way!
And I get to see if I can come up with new clever comments each time.
I was told to remind you to give my blog a good throughout check out!
This guy is funny!!!
I admire your literal usage of my own words to make your point… sigh…
Thank you! 🙂
yeahwhatever… ha
I want a car too! And some frog’s legs.
Go to Vegas… your odds are better.
Sigh. That’s depressing.
ha?
I want a car! I’ll leave the frogs legs though
What kind of car do you want Art to give you? Let me know, I don’t want to place an order for anything too rich.
A Mustang burgundy colour.
Good call. Art, I’ll take an Audi TT please.
Audiovisual
Boooooo….
no
Nice Trent!
sigh
I’m all about style, Zoe. I’m sure you’ve noticed. Wanna drag race?
oh it’s on stylin Trent!
ha
Have you ever driven anything that wasn’t being pulled by dogs?
Yes flip you need to know more about Canada!
who are you calling flip???
you
oh
We need Art in a bikini at the start line to drop the flag. On second thought… ewwww….
nice try
Photoshop time?
I di pics like that already.
did… I did… did did did
I was thinking we need what?!!! Ugh now I’m going to have to spend the rest of my night trying to shake that mental pic!
Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good. Now just think if he’d posted such a pic…
NO! no more thinking! lol
I didn’t know there was any thinking going on here!
well you suggested thinking…
I had the best intentions of actual thought, but then this happened, and now I have Art-in-teeny-red-bikini in my head. As a true Canadian, I feel that I should apologize.
Oh man!!!! $#@%@@$ see what happens when thinking is done?!
Yes you should apologize! My aching head….
Don’t worry, your headache will fade when you’re behind the wheel of that nice Mustang. Just don’t hit my Audi.
mussstttaaannnngggeee!
ha
😀 😀 😀
You make me laugh.
she makes me sigh
Sigh.
Like that?
No… much better than that…
Well eck.
ha
Well ten my work is done 😉
Yes… ten your work is done.
damn i saw that just as i hit send! then then!
I do that so often
nooo not you
oh…
A funny person’s work is never done, Zoe. Just ask Art.
Art? Is he funny?
Ah, right, good point. Boy I hope he’s not listening to this conversation, I currently have the position of Head Minion. It’s a pretty sweet deal, I do all his laundry, even the really grungy stuff.
I hope he’s not too! It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it!
You don’t know the half of it…
i don’t thunk i want too!
You spak funnily. You must be Albertan.
well not originally..
Nothing original about it…
Albert… with a tan…
That is actually kinda funny. Hmmm….
what???
I dunno. Every now and then, I like to sit back, put on a robe, smoke a pipe, and go hmmmmm….. this appears to be one of those moments of internal contemplation, possibly to be followed by a vigorous bath.
That sounds good right now.
sigh
What, did you bring them back as souvenirs???
Um…. no comment.
ha
ha
I been meaning to talk to you about the extra starch in my unmentionables…
I think that entire comment was actually unmentionable.
They all are, but I do anyway.
He thinks he is, we let him think he is, does it really matter?
word…
Propa wurd, yo yo.
um… maybe
Really????
who knows… my blog is blowing up… I can’t answer all these comments…
Stop wasting time on me! I’m already a convert! I’m not replying to you anymore, take care of the other minions. They need a good whipping.
Blog blowing up is good, no? Trent think goood.
It is awesome, but it is a two-edged sword of awesomeness.
I will buy you both a free car… on one condition. That on the outside, airbrushed in great detail and full size, is a picture of me reclining in a bikini… and it will also be etched in the glass og the windshield so you can see me while you drive.
You may single-handedly destroy Canadaland with that idea.
I will take good care of it when I buy it cheap… I will let my minion army roam free… free-range minions of the North! Since most of them live there anyway.
Are you sure minions aren’t actually beavers? It could happen. Beavers are cagey, hairy little critters who have all kinds of technology socked away in their dams.
dam socks…
Beavers don’t wear socks, my man.
They do in my dreams.
Oh gross… you have never met a beaver, have you?
hey now… none of your business…
Beavers are the business of all true-blooded Canadians.
Ranching, slaughtering, butchering, transporting, cooking and eating?
It wouldn’t be that bad…
pft
You are not the fist person to have that image stuck in their head.
I guess as long as it’s not the fist stuck in my head…
um????
Response to your comment.
I know, but it lost something in the translation to English.
That’s what she said?
possibly… who can tell.
ssshhh
It is… by me…
No more lol’ing either… and I will do all the thinking around here!!!
then we’re really in trouble!
yes… we are
le sigh
le ha!
I did post a few of me as women…
I’ve likely blocked that out of my memories.
How convenient
There is no element of convenience associated with bikini-clad you.
It means I don’t have to put on so many clothes… so…
I was referring to the rest of us. Oh my eyes!
Well who cares about that???
The Canadian health care system?
oh
I have the legs to make it work.
ummm no
I just made a comment to Trent… you can have the car with certain conditions.
such as
Life sized pictures of me in a bikini airbrushed on both sides of the car, plus etched in the windshield glass.
See what you’ve created Trent Lewin?!
whee
yeah… style…
Ah come on, I’m pretty slick, no? You should see my hair. It’s definitely slick. And I’m bald….. just kidding. I’m not bald.
He has never been bald… not even once… by anybody…
Okay, that’s just low brow humour! I come here for sophisticated!
And you get it… now and then… I have it imported… do you think the crack squirrels make it?
Likely. I think it’s probably crack squirrel poop.
there you go
I can give you the color… it just won’t be spread all over the outside of a mustang… and how come you know our cars but not our evil politicians???
Cars are more interesting. I must have my Mustang preferably a Shelby with a burgundy colour!
good luck
You can have a CARbohydrate… some CARbolic acid… or a CARdiac arrest
You people are just greedy… I give you my heart and soul.
But we asked for cars
I ain’t Santa Clause…
you are now
oh… cool
so hand over the loot! 🙂
You know I just hand out candy canes… other people buy the presents.
pft you’re elves make them
For somebody who lives next door to Santa, you sure don’t know much about him.
We’re neighbours and his elves make a lot of noise
Making weapons for the CIA… dude… you gotta read the new interview… this kid is awesome!
Also, you would have to sit on my lap, so…
um no kids do that not gown ups
Grown ups don’t get free cars either.
from you we do
good luck with that
You don’t know Monkey???
I included the book in a post almost a month ago:
PS: Nice job with the responses.
I had fun… so it is the cover of the book, and the spine, that intrigues you?
For that post, I just took a bunch of books off my shelf and let the post write itself.
Monkey would be fun to meet because he’s a goof-off who became a sage.
Hey… my life story… I didn’t get asked… or paid…
I am having a blast reading these! Thanks.
They are sort of fun to do. Thanks.