Depression’s Dance… Written by Hasty Words
I am so honored to do this review for my good friend Hastywords.
She wrote a book called Depression’s Dance. She asked me to review it. I read it… and now I do not even know where to begin.
I like to think that I am good with words. I write all kinds of stuff. I also like to think that I can even reach inside myself and pull real emotions out, and then use words to make you feel what I feel. I even, rather pompously, named my blog ‘pouringmyartout’ because I thought that was what I was doing, at least occasionally.
But I now know what pouring your soul out really looks and feels like.
Because that is what she did.
She reached inside herself, through the doubt and pain and sadness, and she dipped her pen into her very soul and then put that soul on paper to share with us.
I write because it makes me feel important.
She writes because what she has to say is important.
She shares the most intimate parts of her life, not for the glamour of being noticed, but because, despite the pain that reopening these wounds might cause, she can help other people who are battling depression. This is a truly selfless act. I hope that she finds some release, some lessening of the pain by sharing her burden, but I know she isn’t doing it for herself.
There is a darkness to her words… because depression is an evil and malevolent foe. But she battles that dark dragon with fire and wit and charm and passion and love and caring and tenderness.
She writes poetry that you will feel vibrating in your very core, even if you are not troubled by depression yourself. And if you are fighting this demon, she will lift you up, she will share your pain, she will accompany you on your journey. She will fight by your side.
No, the poems aren’t all rainbows and sunshine. If you want to read poems about that, the world is full of such fluff… I know, because I write some of it. This isn’t about happy endings and false hope. Because depression never gives up. They say that alcoholics are never cured. They just fight the battle for the rest of their lives and try to regain the victory each and every day. Depression is much worse, because it can use alcoholism or substance abuse as its allies. It can attack your sense of self-worth, your motivation, your very view of yourself. It turns the mirror back on you, but it plays with your perception of yourself when you look into your own eyes. Depression is an evil bitch with a horde of willing servants to give it aid.
Now don’t get me wrong. The book isn’t all heartache and darkness. She is fighting the battle and gaining ground. Depression might never be destroyed, but she pushes it back into the dark corners where it belongs. Not all the time, not every time. But she finds the light and the love and the moments that bring joy. They say great novels about heroes can only be as great as the villain they are striving against. She is fighting the greatest devil of them all and never wavering, never giving up, never backing down.
And like all great stories, she has her loyal companions on the quest for victory over the dark oppressor. As Frodo had his Sam and Merry and Pippin, Hasty has her lovely daughter and steadfast husband. You will see pictures of them. And the book isn’t all poetry. There are uplifting quotes and stories of life that are moving. This is an epic journey through a life tinged with sadness, and yet so moving, so powerful, that you will find yourself cheering through the tears.
And I love the pictures! I have gotten to know Hasty fairly well. I consider her a friend. I did a whole series of posts a long time ago called ‘Steal your face’. (I stole that title from the name of a Grateful Dead album). I went around gathering pictures of my favorite bloggers… with their permission… and did funny stuff to them in Photoshop. Hasty did one of me in retaliation. This led to a series of posts I did called: ‘The Hastwords War.’ You should do a search and look at them. I got very use to looking at her face as I worked on a bunch of pictures of her in Photoshop. And I will tell you that Hasty has eyes you could fall into. They are stunning, captivating, glorious windows into a wise and sweet and caring soul. I admit I came to love her just a little… for the words she wrote on her blog… you know… in a not too creepy way… (Hasty, if your husband reads this, all I can say is, I’m sorry about this, but it’s true)… How a woman who looks like that can have issues about self-esteem is one of the great mysteries of life and shows how insidious depression really is. It can mess with anybody’s mind.
The ‘Hastywords War’ led to an offshoot series of posts I did about her daughter where I took pictures of that adorable child and did some funny pictures of her too. That series was called: ‘Hey, Hastykid’, and might be fun for you to look at also. I even did some pictures of her husband, and I enjoyed that too. I am not trying to make this about me. I just think it might be a good way to get to know this lovely family in a… slightly different way. And when you look at the pictures of them together, looking so happy and carefree, you would never in a million years think that the woman in those pictures was beset by terrible doubts and mournful sorrow.
I try to keep this blog family-friendly, but I want to say one thing: Fuck Depression!
I hope that one day Hasty pushes depression so far into the shadows that it never rears its ugly, festering, slimy head in her life again. But until that happens, I will support her, and be her friend, and read her words, and cheer her victories, and scream vile names at that evil-demon-bitch-goddess known as depression.
Hasty, may your dance with that beast be a short one, and end with you dancing on her obnoxious face… in some really sexy high heels.