I officially declare this to be: International Be Horrible To White Men Day!

One of the best things about being Supreme Ruler Of All The Known Universes… (a position I acquired mostly due to low voter turnout, I freely admit)… is that I can create my own international holidays… (I should warn you that your boss might not have gotten the memo yet, so don’t blame me if you get in trouble for taking the day off)…

Today is now ‘International Be Horrible To White Men Day’!!!

Here are things you can do to celebrate this special day… (uh, as long as you aren’t actually an adult Caucasian male… because this day is going to suck for them):

Enslave a white man, and put him to work doing whatever you need done for absolutely no pay.

Go into a white man’s house, plant a flag, and kick him out… or just kill him… preferably with smallpox, if you have any handy.

Lynch a white man… (if this seems a little too drastic, feel free to just make him drink from a separate water fountain or ride in the back of a bus).

Make him do the same job as you, but pay him less.

Tell him to go into the kitchen, take off his shoes, and make you a sandwich… preferably while he is pretending to be pregnant by duct taping a 50 pound bag of dog food to his stomach .

If you are policeman of any other race than the Caucasian race, or any sex other than male, please, by all means, feel free to gun down as many white men in the streets as you can.

If all of those seem like too much work, just treat white men with contempt, call them insulting names, demean them, and push them to the margins of society… or at the very least, be smug and condescending to them.

Okay, people, get out there and make me proud… you know those bastards deserve it.

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***** (Author’s Note)*****

I am in no way advocating doing any of these things, nor am I making light of them. This is a tongue-in-cheek attempt to start a serious conversation about race in modern life, and how we all relate to one another. Sometimes, to make a point, you have to step back and look at things from the other person’s point of view. If this post upset you, I apologize. If it made you laugh, I am gratified. If it made you think… I hope you leave a comment to get the discussion going.

Now, while I wait to see how much trouble I am in, I think I will go back to doing funny pictures where I Photoshop my face onto monkeys.

 

 

 

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A poem for Mr. Trump…

Donald, may I call you Don?

Or would you prefer Mr. Trump?

Into the primaries you have been drawn

You say America is in a slump

As much as I would love to end up as your pawn

I’m afraid I’m not that much of a chump

I can hardly wait to see the dawn

You thing in the night that goes bump

Most of us just want to see you gone

You human-shaped camel’s hump

With your hair like a poorly manicured lawn

And you head like a rotting stump

Yes we cannot wait until you’ve withdrawn

You ambulatory garbage dump

What causes you to ramble on?

What makes you such a grump?

Your morals have been overdrawn

You spew vile like a septic tank pump

America’s not falling for your con

So go take a flying jump

If you insist on behaving like Satan’s spawn

I would like to sit down with a thump

And it’s your face I would like to sit upon

So that you can kiss my big, sweet rump…

*****************************

Okay, I feel better now. I am sorry about that, but this guy might be my new Dick Cheney. I just think that when a small piece of evil lodges inside your brain, it is better to drain the infection before your head swells up and pops like a giant zit. Besides, once I started unleashing my pent-up rage, I discovered that the real challenge of this piece was not channeling the anger… no… it was trying to see if I could actually do a fairly long poem where I rhymed every other line with Don and Trump and still have it make sense. I know he hates to be called Don, but if you can come up with any good rhymes for Donald, you are better with words than I am.

*****

Yes, I know I already posted this when he first entered the race, but it still holds up…

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Disney villains come out in support of Trump…

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All the villains from every Disney movie ever made have all signed a petition asking the American people to please elect Donald Trump… just so people will forget about hating them for a little while.

Posted in cartoons, funny famous people pictures | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

The best tweet I ever got…

Eric Idle ‏@EricIdle 23m23 minutes ago

Do you think Size matters? I like the discerning, the non ranters, the readers, and people who are funny like U.

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That is the actual tweet… copied and pasted… from Mr. Eric Idle of Monty Python fame. I did a lame tweet to him, making a joke out of the fact that John Cleese has more followers than he does on Twitter… and that is how he replied.

And he still follows me on Twitter.

How cool is that?

Posted in Stories of my life, Twitter tweets | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

That guy who is marrying my daughter…

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First of all, let’s get one thing straight… I am way taller than Jason… That picture was taken in my mom’s kitchen a few Christmases ago… and I am crouching down so I can hug him with my knees and legs and not just my arms. I like to do that, because I know it creeps him out, and that makes me laugh. Look what a good sport he is… he is hardly cringing at all.

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There are Jessica and Jason, just a little more than a week ago, the morning he proposed to her. They were in Sedona, Arizona, where he took her to a nice hotel to ‘pop the question’, and I suppose this was taken about the time that my wife and I were driving there… and his parents were flying there… so we could all surprise Jessica at the restaurant they were going to dinner at, which he sneakily set up in advance, so we could share that special day. I did posts about all this. Notice how cleverly she is showing off her new engagement ring.

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To be perfectly honest, I always thought that Jason kid was batting a little out of his league… but then again, they are perfect for each other, and they are almost sickeningly happy whenever they are together… also, the truth is, I love that boy. He treats my daughter right… by which I mean he manages to somehow handle all her moods… because man, that girl is a handful… and I ought to know, I was a house-daddy before it became a ‘thing’, and that girl is high maintenance. But he keeps her happy while still somehow making her feel like she is in charge, and he doesn’t put up with any crap either… it is an incredible juggling act… something I never managed to pull off…

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Another picture taken at my mom’s house over the Christmas holidays… I don’t know if that was this year or not… but just the fact that he can live in a house for a week with us and all my brothers and nieces and nephews and my crazy friends coming to visit and all of our weird family traditions and the inherent madness that goes with that season… wow.

And, best of all, from my point of view, even though, in the grand scheme of things it isn’t that important… but the kid loves me. He doesn’t just tolerate me or humor me… like most of my friends and family do… he like me. We do stuff. We are, right now, designing a computer/board game hybrid, involving naval warfare in the time of the pirates, that might revolutionize the game industry… (okay, we all know I am a computer moron, and he is doing all the real work, but I have been studying history for a long time, and I do play some games, and I am giving some good ideas and a person to bounce ideas back and forth with)… And he is the one who designs all the covers for my science fiction novels with his crazy 3-D computer modeling skillz.

Jessica made a comment once about how we were male bonding. I told her, no, we are bonding on a molecular level… and I still, when I see him, and we are having a good time, interlock my fingers, raise my eyebrows, and say: “molecular bonding, oh yeah!”

Posted in Stories of my life | Tagged , , , , , | 16 Comments

Book Review: Double Service, by A.H. Browne

Well… really… what can I add to this???

Trent Lewin's avatarTrent Lewin

014e1bf8-f76b-4921-9ee5-c14736520126_D Art Browne writes at pouringmyartout.com

        “Detective Charlie Baker was not in a good mood.” Thus begins the story. What to call Double Service? A World War II mystery? A love story? Rather than give a proper review, I’d like to delve into the editing process behind this book, given that I, Trent P. Lewin, edited the thing. That’s right. Me. And yes, that means I’m totally biased about the thing, so there!

        I edit naked. True story. There is something liberating and breezy about sitting down at your computer sans clothing and imagining the mental processes of Art Browne (known on the cover of Double Service as A.H. Browne). It allows you to commune with his body and mind, even from far away, almost as though he were there tickling your fanny as you make your way through 205 pages (twenty two chapters) of this novel. Fanny-touching aside…

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Goodbye, Sedona…

I don’t really have any particular reason for this post, other than the fact that I took a bunch of photos of the red rock country around Sedona as we drove out, and I don’t want to waste them…

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Sedona sunrise…

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So, yeah, there we were, in Sedona, Arizona, just for the one night… to surprise our daughter on the day her boyfriend proposed to her…

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And we had to leave at eight the next morning.

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But, even though I was a little hung over…

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I still got up before the sunrise…

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And walked up a hill in the dark…

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So I could take some pictures…

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Because that is how much I care…

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And you know I like to share my life with you.

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Because that is what I do here.

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But man, it was cold out there…

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And I almost missed breakfast.

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My daughter is getting married… sigh…

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Okay, I know I said that my wife doesn’t want me to post pictures of the kids… but Jessica is an adult now… and she follows my blog… and she said I could post pictures of her… so…

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My little baby is all grown up…

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My little bear is getting married… sniff… stupid allergies…

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I know she is grown…

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But in a way, she is always going to look like that to me.

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I was a stay-at-home dad… way before it became cool… and that kid always had me wrapped around her little finger… and you know what? She still does.

 

Posted in Stories of my life | Tagged , , , , , , | 36 Comments

Trump and Palin… part 5…

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All In The Family… a story about a racist and a dingbat… now why does that seem so familiar… oh… right…

Posted in funny famous people pictures | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments