Crack squirrels are a real problem in America. I have done posts about this scourge to our safety and way of life… in fact, if you have a few minutes, you should type the words: ‘crack squirrel’ in that search thingy up there, the one that shows up when you click on the magnifying glass. Go ahead… there isn’t anything else going on here while the crack squirrels are on strike… you might be surprised by what you find.
Crack squirrels exist because drug dealers exist. And drug dealers have found that parks are a good place to sell drugs. They have also figured out that if they hide their drug packages some place near by, the cops don’t have any evidence of their crime. So they often hide them in hollow places in trees… which is where squirrels look for food… so you can see how this problem developed.
But, being who I am, with my magical ability to get myself into situations that nobody else even thinks of, I somehow managed to come down with a case of CSCIS… that’s right, I suffer from crack squirrel cranial infestation syndrome…
Hey, I don’t know how they ended up in there… I wasn’t buying crack… but I have been to a few parks in my time because I have kids. My personal theory is that they snuck in there when I was asleep… you know… because of the extra unused space… but whatever.
The thing is… (Hey, I got my ‘thing’ back!!!)… that I have come to rely on the squirrels to do most of the crazy ideas on this blog…
Because, honestly, crack squirrels get a lot done in a day. No, all their ideas are not brilliant. But they have a lot of them. So I sort of let them run the show.
Now they are upset because they worked really hard on that post about the history of the Gaza Strip, Mideast, and the Jewish People. I am not taking sides. But would it really kill you to read it? They can be stubborn little beasts when they set their mind to something.
I leave it up to you. I can understand you not wanting to be forced to read over a thousand words, no matter how charming and clever and funny and well-written it is. Nobody wants to be told what to do… that might be part of the problem in Gaza… an unwillingness to take the easy way out for fear you will look like you are giving in.
But seriously… does that guy look like he is backing down anytime soon?
Pouring My Art Out 
Get control of your crack squirrels! It’s up to you, not us!
I tried training them…
um…excuse me for a moment people….
“snick snick snick. ttttst ttttst smmmmmmmoch smmmmmmoch smmmmmoch. sttsk sttsk sttsk nick nick snick snick ttttt ttttt ttttt.”
I just needed to have a word with the squirrels. Thank you for your understanding. 🙂
That guy in the last picture, he loves me. I know he’s got some lines, but he loves me. I can tell by the way he looks at me.
I mean “he’s doing some lines” sorry, I got distracted by how he gazes at me….
don’t make this weird… HA!!!!!!!!!
uh
Hey… that seemed to work… sort of…
It seems this has become necessary…
“PEOPLE! Stop being crack squirrel enablers. Read the post. It is a great post. It should have been Freshly Pressed (I don’t know what those WP people were smoking when then bypassed this one…but I do know it wasn’t crack). Read the post and then we can all carry on!”
Thanks. There may be a break in the strike coming soon.
Off to the park to get my own, I think a squirrel and my cat could be good companions and have lots of adventures
Keep you up at night.
that sounds rude, what are they doing?
you don’t want to know
I laughed out loud when I saw the picture of your head opened up and a crack squirrel looking out. I’m not sure if it was the squirrel or your open head that made me laugh or maybe a combination of the two. Bwahahaha!
yup…; it’s funny…; when it ain’t your head…
Awwww. That squirrel is so cute! I hope this blog continues in its current happy direction.
sigh
I feel…educated.
Wow.
uh… from this or the other post???
This! Crack squirrels…gosh. Especially the pic at the end (oh and the comment at the end cracked – OH GOD SORRY UNINTENTIONAL 😛 – me up) 🙂
HA!
Explains so much
yup