So I was getting ready to go work at my job as a private security officer, but I still had my sleep shorts and flip flops on. My wife called me for something. I decided to give her a silly dance. She took a picture. Really, what more do you need to know?
That thing is bigger than my hand… and I have big hands… unlike someone I could mention… HA!
Before that happened, it was a lovely sunset.
Later, I walked outside, into a dimly lit area behind one of the buildings I work in. I saw something moving by my foot. I thought it was a leaf blowing in the breeze. A really big leaf.
Then I realized that there was no breeze.
I know they aren’t really dangerous. There is just something about a spider that big that is inherently creepy.
Ahhhh… soothing, tranquil sunset.
I know, but I do these for Eric on Twitter, and there is no sense wasting them… wait, you do remember that I met him, right?
At first, you were all like: “wow, I can’t believe this person is actually interested in me!” It was so unexpected, so exciting. Things were happening. You hadn’t felt so alive in a long time. You were going to set the world on fire. You felt important and loved.
Now, you are past the ‘hot’ portion of the romance, and into the ‘crazy’ part. The part where this ‘exciting’ person is getting you into bar fights with bikers. The part where they are screaming racial insults out the window of your car at gang members. The part where you wake up in the morning and the person isn’t there, but there is a turd on the pillow next to you. The part where you realize that your bank account is empty and your car is gone too.
But you don’t want the excitement to end. So you are ready to forgive and move on… you know… if they ever come back.
This doesn’t happen all the time.
Heavy rain doesn’t do this.
You need a very light mist…
Or a very heavy dew.
And spiders… you need spiders…
I know, these aren’t the eye-catching orb webs.
These are more like the front porches of funnel webs.
But, as soon as the big black and yellow garden spiders come back, I will get some shots of their webs… oooooh… I just had an idea…
You remember how I put that little spray/mister bottle in my camera bag so I could get pictures of roses and other flowers with fake dew drops on them?
I can use that on the orb webs even if it isn’t misty or dewey… oh yeah!
Hey now… simmer down…
I am at work when the sun goes down.
I got my fancy new iPhone.
There is a big, grassy valley behind one of the buildings where I work.
And San Diego has pretty nice sunsets.
So guess what…
You have to look at sunsets now and then.
I know, life is rough.
For example, I have to walk like thirty yards to take these pictures.
And I have to remember to go outside near sunset.
So we are all in this together.
But if we work together, and hang tough…
I think we can get through this.
Oh yeah.
Now go catch your breath.
Also, have I mentioned that I really love Photoshop?
I know, I give good advice on making your life better all the time, but this is just another of those silly things that will make you, and perhaps even the people around you, smile.
All you have to do is say the following:
“Farty parts and poopy pants,
poopy pants and farty parts,
farty pants and poopy parts,
poopy parts and farty pants”…
Okay, I lied. That isn’t all you have to do. You have to pick a silly tune to sing those words to. Once you have done that, the next step is to pick a funny, cartoony voice to sing the song in.
There is one other thing…
You have to do this over and over, going faster and faster. Don’t worry when you mess it up… and you will.
Oh, and do not do this at work, you might get fired.
But DO do this at the grocery store, or the dentist office waiting room, or when you are in the yard doing some gardening, or washing the dishes. And mostly, do this when little kids are around. Not TOO LITTLE! It might offend someone. Use your common sense and good judgement. I don’t have either of those, so I am counting on you. And do this in front of adults too. Family, friends, complete strangers. Trust me. Either they will smile at you and you should keep them in your life, or they will quickly move away from you. If they do, let them. You don’t need them in your life.
Okay, now go out and be silly. Take your inner child to the Disneyland of your imagination.
Hit this button!
Click it! Just do it!
Click to go to book page with links
A book for kids... Click to go to book page with links
Otherwheres Collide-my newest book
My latest novel
Pouring My Art Out by Arthur H. Browne is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.Based on a work at https://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
Pouring My Art Out 