Next, we interview the enigmatic mystery that is: List of X. You should really check out: http://listofx.com/ This is some funny stuff. If you like lists… about stuff… then this is the place for you to go… seriously… put it on your list…
Also, I am sad to report that I am no longer taking requests for this interview thing. I have a few more people in line, and by the time we get done, we will all be ready to move on… and I want to finish off with some weird ones, so I might interview an artificial intelligence… and some aliens from my sci-fi novels…
But don’t panic, I will either come up with a new list of questions, or turn this into part of my Crazy Questions series…
Here we go…
1. What do you like best about my blog?
It’s totally unpredictable and indescribable. Wait, did I just happen to describe it? Wow! see, told you it was totally unpredictable!
(That answer made the crack squirrels in my head stop working while they scampered around searching for the meaning of the answer to that question)
2. Do you like monkeys?
Of course I do, I evolved from them!
(Some people insist that they did not, in fact, evolve from monkeys… and I often find myself agreeing with them… they didn’t evolve at all)
3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each day for one hour you had to stand under the Eiffel Tower naked, would you still go?
No, because that would give me a serious case of the Eiffel envy.
(I should have considered the fact that it isn’t fair to make my male minions stand in front of any towering edifice naked… the comparison can only be demoralizing)
4. What makes your blog unique?
I’m the only blogger who would answer every question with the list of 10 reasons. (I also have 10 reasons why I didn’t actually do it here.)
(I like the fact that you always do ten things… I can count to ten without taking my pants off!)
5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the first order you would issue?
People must pass a spelling and grammar proficiency exam before being allowed to comment on the Internet.
(But then you wouldn’t have met me)
6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
That I couldn’t come up with a funny answer for this question.
(Well, you aren’t supposed to be ‘coming up’ with stuff… we are trying to get to know the real you)
7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid, or a baby?
No preferences for spending the day. However, for spending the night – definitely with an adult.
(Now that was a great freekin’ answer!!!)
8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick Cheney ever did?
(See, there is no bad answer to that question)
9. What is the worst thing that you ever did?
I stole the answer to question #8 from Trent Lewin’s interview (https://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/inner-view-3/)
(Did I mention that one of my crack squirrels is a lawyer?)
10. If you could have dinner with one fictional character… including cartoons… who would you pick?
Roadrunner from the cartoon. This bird is really annoying, but it’s poultry and looks low-fat, which should be good for my cholesterol.
(I did that Photoshop picture of the coyote getting ready to eat the cooked Roadrunner when I went through my weird cartoon phase… also, me an my daughter Mollie once saw a roadrunner right down the street from our house… sorry, did you really think this was all about you???)
11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a barbeque, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring yourself to kill and eat the cow?
If that’s the type of the situation where no one ever lets me out of the room, I would die of starvation AFTER I kill and eat the cow.
(People, are you paying attention? Do you see why I love this guy?)
12. What one word describes your blog best?
Humor x 10 (you said “one word”, but there were no restrictions on multiplication signs and numbers).
(This is turning into one of those things where they do a TV show and think that one person will be the star but people end up loving another character more and it ends up being more and more about them… I think that happened on the Big Bang Theory with Sheldon)
13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your family for if they declared their undying love for you?
Dick Cheney. If Dick Cheney declared his undying love for me, I’d have to leave my family to go into hiding.
(You could just shoot him in the face… I wouldn’t mind)
14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that? And can I have a picture of you?
Yes, you can do anything you want with my picture, absolutely anything. And that is why you can’t have my picture.
15. What makes you cry?
(I know… they are such a beautiful… fruit… vegetable… thing… I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry… sniff)
16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or dead, who would that be?
I’m not really the cussing type. My parents taught me that cussing solves nothing. On the other hand, if you can get me a high-powered sniper rifle…
(Please… pick Dick Cheney pick Dick Cheney pick Dick Cheney)
17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me?
Let’s just say, I was going to answer PMAO in question 13. But then Dick Cheney declared his undying love for me and I had to act fast. By the way, any word on that rifle?
(I honestly thought, when I snuck that question in, that it wouldn’t end up resulting in a thinly veiled death threat being made against me… once again, I have underestimated my minions)
18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able to do?
Sneak into the circus without paying.
(Would you also like to be able to steal those weird rectangular snack things that are made of old popcorn glued together with a sticky pink sugar coating?)
19. Which drug side effects from those TV commercials disturb you the most?
What TV commercials? TV commercials?… Ohhhh! Memory loss!!
(But if it also caused anal leakage, then the memory loss might be a good thing… a really good thing)
20. Who the hell do you think you are?
Who am I?? Umm… Well… Ummm….. Damn you, memory loss!!!
(It’s okay, I don’t remember why I thought that question would be funny)
21. Now tell us why we should follow you…
Because 300 spambots can’t all be wrong. But mainly, because PMAO follows me. Is there any higher seal of approval? Other than Dick Cheney’s undying love?
(It’s all true, each and every word… and I do not follow people lightly… nor does Dick give away his heart in a willy-nilly fashion)
Just for you…
1. Seriously, how do you think up all those crazy things you put in those lists?
Sometimes, a topic inspires me, and I come up with 4-5 jokes on it in about a minute. Then I bash my head against the wall for an hour or two until I make it to 10.
(I could loan you some of my crack squirrels… they aren’t always funny, but they work fast)
2. How did you decide to do the lists in the first place?
I have been writing jokes for about 15 years. Then, three years ago, I came up with a genius idea to number them.
I must admit, I thought this was where you would admit that you stole the idea from David Letterman’s top ten list)
3. Would you ever consider doing a list all about me???
Sure, why not? Once I have a bout of inspiration and a bottle of Aspirin.
(I think aspirin causes memory loss)
Now, go check this guy out…