Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 13…

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I also want to give credit to the makeup artists who worked on the new Star Wars movie… it couldn’t have been easy to portray all those storm troopers during their teenage years…

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I promised you a fashion show…

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And have I ever let you down??? There I am, at my mom’s house in the Bay Area, on Christmas morning… wearing my new Japanese kimono! My wife found it… somewhere… and it is actually made in Japan… which is cool… and a little weird… because I am 6 feet 4 inches tall… so somewhere in Japan, right now, a sumo wrestler is running around naked…

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Hey… don’t judge me and my weird family… we have this tradition of giving matching pajamas or funny boxer shorts… okay, you can judge a little. But before you do, you should really do a search going back to the Christmas where me and my brothers all got matching feety-jammies… I did a whole series of posts about it… and then did some funny Photoshop pictures… of things like a Star Wars sleepover, and Nazis in feety-jammies…just type: ‘feety jammies’ in the search bar and see what happens. And it could always be worse… my older daughter’s boyfriend ended up with a matching set of Grinch boxer shorts and hat.

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Oh… and I may have mentioned this before now… but I am going to take blacksmithing lessons!!! My older daughter, Jessica, is not only setting that up for me, but she got me all the gear too… the leather apron, the 3-pound hammer, goggle and gloves… and if the blacksmithing doesn’t work out, I can always become a crazed serial killer.

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Oh, and this is what happens when you wear a wool watch cap to a beach cleanup in San Francisco, and then keep the hat on all day long…

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Admit it… the reason you like me is because I am willing to share pictures of myself like this with you… right?

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 12…

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Once again, I must applaud the makers of the new Star Wars movie for the level of character development they fit into the film… I mean, the movie is 16 hours long, so they have plenty of time… but it is cool to watch the storm troopers as they grow into ferocious, soulless, killing machines.

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But hey, high school wasn’t easy for any of us, right?

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A little sun, a little snow…

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Driving home through California’s Central Valley is always a little depressing, especially after the Christmas holidays. For one thing, I hate leaving the Bay Area, because I still think of it as home. Also, the valley is boring… and long… and you have to drive through L.A. after it.

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My wife flew home early for some work stuff, but my younger daughter, Mollie, and I managed to make it out of the Bay Area and into the valley in time to watch the sun rise. Oh, and, thanks to a gift certificate to a hard-to-find-music music store given to me by one of my brothers, Mollie and I had fun picking out some CDs to listen to on the long, 8-hour drive… that’s with no traffic… which never happens in L.A.

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So all though the valley, and up the Grapevine, the highway that climbs the mountains just North of L.A., we were groovin’ to the best of Cream, Jimi Hendrix, and Little Feat. Oh, and also Greenday, which she picked out, and which I sort of like… considering that I am a musical dinosaur… but I do introduce my kids to the classics.

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We always get excited when there is snow on the Grapevine. As civilized people living in San Diego, we keep our snow close enough to visit, but not right where we live… the same reason they keep lions and tigers in a zoo… you know, so you can drive a little ways and see it, but it doesn’t try to kill you right outside your door.

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See… free-range snow… in its native environment…

Okay, this isn’t really the end of our trip to the Bay Area. I have been saving the best for last. I haven’t showed you what I got for Christmas yet… and, just so you know, I am going to put on a fashion show for you… so be prepared.

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 11…

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I really like that in the new Star Wars movie, they show the storm troopers in more depth. We get to learn about their personal lives, and what they do for fun. They aren’t just mindless killing machines, raised by an oppressive, evil regime to terrorize others… some of them really know their trivia.

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 10…

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One of the most exciting scenes in the movie was when two evil Jedi knights faced off against each other. The loser of this duel did not go down easily. He just kept screaming that “it was just a flesh wound”, even as he was hacked limb from limb.

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 9…

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Okay, technically, this isn’t really a  (fake) spoiler for the new Star Wars movie at all… this is just a reminder to all evil intergalactic empires not to even think about coming here and messing with planet  Earth…  seriously…  if you make it past the military and the cops, you still have to deal with extremists, religious zealots, racists, militias, rednecks, bikers, gang-bangers,  assorted free-range mental patients, and a few billion Chinese people coming at you out of the coal smog… hell, you will lose half your storm troopers just taking on the republican presidential candidates… that is a whole army of pure stupid just right there!

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 8…

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One thing that really impressed me about the new Star Wars movie is that they show a future where the evil empire is no longer only accepting certain body types in the ranks of the storm troopers. Because evil comes in all shapes and sizes, and science fiction should reflect that.

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 7…

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The thing about raising a bunch of psychopathic killing machines from birth is that sometimes, kids don’t want to learn how to subjugate people and use high tech weaponry… they want to play on the swings…

Hang in there, little trooper.

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Star Wars spoilers… (but not really)… part 6…

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The sad and scary thing is that, in the new Star Wars movie, they raise the storm troopers up from birth… (okay, sorry, that is almost an actual spoiler, but it shouldn’t really surprise you, and hopefully, the cute little baby butt will take some of the sting out of it)…

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