Paris… part 1…

To be honest, going through the Chunnel on a train was less exciting that I thought it would be. It really is just a long tunnel. You have no sense of passing under the English Channel. I suggest, when you travel from England to France, that you take a ferry from Dover. That way, you get to see the famous white cliffs of Dover.

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That first picture if a trifle misleading. We didn’t actually make it that close to the Eiffel Tower on the first day. We had a long day of traveling. By the time we checked in to the hotel and went out for dinner and got my mom settled in for the night, the sun was going down. But, you know, it’s Paris, so I have lots of pictures of the Tower to burn through. HA!

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My wife, Mollie and I did walk along the river Seine to where we could see the Tower.

a 3We did get to enjoy our first sunset in the City of Lights.

a 4This was my third time in Paris, but I did enjoy the look of wonder on my wife and daughter’s faces.

a 5And it really is an enchanting place.

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What you might not know is that the Tower is now not only lit up from the ground, but they have covered the entire thing with small lights… that flash flicker and sparkle and sometimes change colors. Every hour on the hour, between dusk and 1 am, they put on a five-minute light show.

a 7The trick is taking lots of pictures so you are sure to get the Tower when the lights are on.

a 8I think we got that covered.

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Because Paris is all about the lights… at least at night.

a 10We will get up close and personal with the Tower in later posts. Oh yeah, we will. But we did have some other cool adventures to share.

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Goodbye, England…

It was time to leave England and take the train to Paris…

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I still miss cousin Dot’s house in the English countryside and the little garden.

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I miss the quiet little street with the brick houses, and the little day care center around the corner full of adorable little kids all yelling with their adorable little accents.

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I felt like I got to know the real England, at least a little bit.

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On the last night there, after we returned from our Liverpool adventure, Mollie, my wife, my mom and cousin Dot, got out all of Dot’s photo albums. Mom and Dot talked for hours about our family history. They looked at pictures, and talked about the people in them. Mollie hand-wrote a family tree. I know I am adopted, but this is the only family I have ever known. This is my history.

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Hey look, it is that same headstone we visited on our first day in Leyland.

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And that lady in the middle, the one with the red arrow pointing at her… (don’t worry, I used Photoshop, I didn’t actually draw on a photo with a red marker)… that is Grandma Nellie, my dad’s mother. I guess this was taken when she was visiting the family in England. It is hard to tell when this was taken. She lived to be 98, and she sort of looked old even when I was a little kid. By this point in the family history, I was snoring in one of Dot’s cozy chairs… hey, it had been a long day… but look at the guys in the back row… see those ears? Those are the Browne ears… except these people all still have the Browne without the ‘e’ on the end… no… I am not explaining it again… did you read the earlier posts?

The next morning we left for Paris.

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Which of these are real towns in the United Kingdom, and which are just silly words that I made up… a game…

Haltwhistle

Hexham

Ballinamallard

Swindon

Kettlewell

Wasdale Head

Workington

Mallwyd

Furnace

Peebles

Crumlin

Nuneaton

Wolverhampton

Thrapston

Thornaby

Darlington

Hartlepool

West Woodburn

Ecclefechan

Alnwick

Hay-on-Wye

Llanybydder

Kidderminster

Fawsley

Abergavenny

Wisbech

Long Eaton

North Hykeham

Coningsby

Horncastle

Worksop

Thirsk

Bridlington

Hunmanby

Hutton-le-Hole

Kirkbymoorside

Northallerton

Masham

Bowness-on-Windermere

Seascale

Howtown

Pooley Bridge

Penrith

Middleton-in-Teesdale

Amble

Sanquhar

Cumnock

Troon

Dalmellington

Alloa

Bridge of Earn

Lochgoilhead

Balquhidder

Dalwhinnie

Balloo

Moy

Sixmilecross

Newbuildings

Fivemiletown

Ballygawley

Gweedore

Llandysul

Narberth

Machynlleth

Dyffryn

Llanrhaeadr-ym-Mochnant

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Before we continue with more posts about our European adventure, I thought this would be a fun game to play. I just looked on Google maps and typed up a bunch of names from the United Kingdom. Just so you know, I did used names from Scotland, Ireland and Wales, just to make it more interesting. Try and see if you can figure out which of those are real and which ones aren’t…

*Don’t read the hint below until you at least try to play the game.*

***HINT***

(Every single one of those names is a real place in the United Kingdom. I didn’t make any of them up. I was going to make some up and throw them in, but really, can anybody make up more awesome names for real places than the ones on the list right there? I didn’t even zoom in on the maps very far. These are all fairly large towns. If I had zoomed in farther, I would be willing to bet that we would find some awesome place names. Maybe you should try doing that. Get to know your world a little better. I know we saw some awesome names while we were cruising around the English countryside )…

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A poem for Donald Trump… and I should probably apologize for this one right here at the top…

Donald, may I call you Don?

Or would you prefer Mr. Trump?

Into the primaries you have been drawn

You say America is in a slump

As much as I would love to end up as your pawn

I’m afraid I’m not that much of a chump

I can hardly wait to see the dawn

You thing in the night that goes bump

Most of us just want to see you gone

You human-shaped camel’s hump

With your hair like a poorly manicured lawn

And you head like a rotting stump

Yes we cannot wait until you’ve withdrawn

You ambulatory garbage dump

What causes you to ramble on?

What makes you such a grump?

Your morals have been overdrawn

You spew vile like a septic tank pump

America’s not falling for your con

So go take a flying jump

If you insist on behaving like Satan’s spawn

I would like to sit down with a thump

And it’s your face I would like to sit upon

So that you can kiss my big, sweet rump…

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Okay, I feel better now. I am sorry about that, but this guy might be my new Dick Cheney. I just think that when a small piece of evil lodges inside your brain, it is better to drain the infection before your head swells up and pops like a giant zit. Besides, once I started unleashing my pent-up rage, I discovered that the real challenge of this piece was not channeling the anger… no… it was trying to see if I could actually do a fairly long poem where I rhymed every other line with Don and Trump and still have it make sense. I know he hates to be called Don, but if you can come up with any good rhymes for Donald, you are better with words than I am.

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Day tripper… part 3… Liverpool was… wait… oh, that is the cutest puppy ever!!!

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As we walked back to the train station, my wife and Mollie stopped to do some souvenir shopping, and while I waited I met this little guy. He is a bulldog, and I think his name was Chumley. I love bulldogs. I like the way they start breathing hard when you scratch them just right.

a 2Liverpool was a fun day trip. We saw the Beatles museum and we saw them doing that scene from an upcoming movie. And I just noticed that somebody scratched part of the ‘m’ off that sign up there… HA!

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No, Liverpool is not full of the rare English humped zebra… we saw these signs all over London too. It has something to do with the way that the lines are painted on the street and how pedestrians should cross the street there, but even the English people we asked weren’t really sure what it was all about or how it worked.

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That is the front of the Cunnard Line building. They were using the back of this building as a movie set pretending to be 1940’s New York… if this confuses you, I suggest you look at the last post I did in this series.

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Liverpool is an interesting place.

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It is a port city, a dock city, a maritime city, a working city. It is built around the river Mersey, and has been a center of trade for almost as long as there has been an England.

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We were there on a gray, drizzly day that really suited the temperament of the city.

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This area was so heavily bombed during World War Two that over two hundred ships were salvaged just in the river and the shallows of the estuary during the war… I read that on a plaque. That means that the Germans sank so many ships in this area… with bombs and mines and torpedoes… that 200 ships sank in waters shallow enough for them to be refloated and fixed. We can safely assume that many more ships were sunk in the deeper waters offshore or were too badly damaged to be used again. This is just one port in England. This gives you some idea of the scale of the war, and particularly the battle of the Atlantic, where England strove to import enough food and supplies to keep itself going.

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There are a lot of museums and old historic ships in Liverpool, and if you like boats, it is worth a visit for that alone.

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We are nearing the end of our day trip to Liverpool. It is almost time to get back on the train to cousin Dot’s house.

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I hope you enjoyed yourself.

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I will never forget the weird bit of movie history.. and real history… that we stumbled upon.

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These are the kinds of memories that stick with you… because how often do you see a 1940’s New York police car rolling through the streets of Liverpool?

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Day tripper… part 2… wait… why are there World War Two era U.S. soldiers in Liverpool???

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No way… are they filming another movie? Everywhere we go in England they are filming movies. What’s the deal?

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Yes, that looks like a movie camera. And that is a real bobbie closing off the street.

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And that is a 1940’s era American police car.

a 4Turns out that this street in Liverpool has buildings that look more like New York in the 1940’s than anyplace in New York. So they kept closing down the street, and resetting all these old cars and all these movie extras and the two soldiers, and making them relive the same moment over and over.

a 5We must have watched the same cars drive down the street, the same people walk down the sidewalk, and the same two soldiers cross the street a dozen times. This was just like that scene from the James Bond movie we saw being filmed in London!!!

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This movie is, supposedly, starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant… neither of which we saw, just so you know… and is about Meryl as a rich lady who wants to sing opera but is terrible and nobody has the nerve to tell her. Mollie tells me the movie is called Florence Jenkins. You could Google it.

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But it was fun watching this bit of old and new history rewind and replay over and over again.

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And I did tell you that I have a real talent for being wherever something unusual is happening anywhere around me without even knowing it was happening in advance.

a 9As another note of historical interest, I think that big building on the right is the back side of the Cunard Line headquarters. You might recognize the name. It is a huge cruise ship line and they owned the Carpathia, the ship that rescued the survivors of the Titanic. They also built both the Queen Mary and the Queen Mary 2.

a 10The building was really beautiful on the other side, and I might have a picture of it to share in the next post… wait… is that guy not wearing socks? That seems historically inaccurate.

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Anyway, I hope to see you later for the end of this part of our adventure.

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Uh… I guess I’m not done doing silly pictures of Eric Idle…

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But then again, he did help me get permission to use the Monty Python quotes I needed for the alien who learned how to speak English by watching old episodes of the Flying Circus in my action/humor science fiction novel… the upcoming book three of my series which is going to the publishers in a matter of days… the earlier books of which are available right over there in the sidebar… so… uh… yeah…

Here is the original pictures, if anyone cares…

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Oh, and my wife and I might go and see Mr. Idle… who is still following me on Twitter, if you were wondering about that… up in LA at the Hollywood Bowl in Spamalot! Live! On Stage! Maybe… I hope… I will let you know…

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Day tripper… part 1… (or); chasing the Beatles…

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My daughter, my wife and I took a day trip from Leyland to Liverpool. This was one of Mollie’s big dreams for her first trip to Europe, to see where the Beatles grew up and the famous Beatles museum there.

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As you can see from this handy map which I have thoughtfully included, Liverpool is not all that far from Leyland and cousin Dot’s house.

a 2I must admit that the museum was pretty awesome. We learned lots of interesting things, like the fact that the city of Liverpool now paints the name Penny Lane on walls on Penny Lane because if they put up signs, the fans just steal them.

a 3There is a recreation of some room where John Lennon wrote some songs, but the guitar and or the piano might actually have been his.

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That is George Harrison’s first guitar.

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And there is a full-scale recreation of the Cavern Club, one of their early venues.

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This was where they honed their sound and met their future manager, Brian Epstein.

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That is Mollie doing the Vanna White hands to a famous Beatles poster. Unfortunately I had to cut the rest of her out because of security regulations laid down by my wife.

a 8If you ever wondered who all those people are…

a 9I hope you return later for some more of our adventures in Liverpool. What, you know I turn every day into an adventure, right?

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The real England… part 5… (or); A really big fuss over a really small horse…

Towards the end of that fabulous day in the English countryside with our cousin Dot, where I had shared an early morning walk with my daughter, we had visited deceased relatives, and a weird house built in the freekin’ 1300’s, we went out to dinner with a few other relatives of the non-deceased variety.

During this lovely meal, one of my distant kin asked me what else I really wanted to see during our time in Great Britain. Hey, you know me. I am all about the babies, dogs and horses. I had met dogs and babies.. but no horses…

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Well, the relatives all tried their best to figure out where I could met a proper English horse, and they all figured the best chance, without driving for miles and miles, would be out in the pasture lands located conveniently on the other side of a popular ice cream place. This allowed me to sweet talk my wife into letting me wander off to meet a horse while they all took care of their dessert needs.

a 2I strolled down a hill and over a bridge above a canal. See that canal boat up there? Look to the left, between those two big trees, and past those white flowers… which turned out to be stinging nettles, by the way… and you will see a little field behind a fence. That is where I would meet my new little friend… and a bunch of those stinging nettles… after I hiked way the hell past this point…

a 3And past a bunch of sheep… one of whom, a baby, had crawled under the fence and me and a nice English couple had to herd him back to his mommy…

a 4And then I looked back… and hey… that looks like a horse… right back where I was ten minutes ago… but I was on an adventure now and was sure I could find a whole herd of horses to meet…

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But after climbing a fence or two… I mean, not trespassing, there were these steps built over the fences for people… but then again, maybe I was because who knows how that works in the United Kingdom… But I was suddenly in an open field with a bunch of cows… and not a horse in sight…

a 6So I went all the way back, over the fences, down the hill, over that bridge, along the canal…

a 7And met this little guy… and what is more English than a Shetland pony? (Okay, technically, the Shetland islands are part of Scotland, but I am Scottish Lord after all)… so…

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A story… about a guy… with some pictures thrown in…

Once there was a guy who had a dream, a dream of conquering the world… with nothing more dangerous than a silly blog…

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He was sure that people would follow him…

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But he began to have doubts. What if his head was just swollen with false pride?

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All of his illusions began to shatter…

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He felt like he was just a clown…

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His world felt like it was falling to pieces…

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He felt like small change…

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He just wanted to give the gift of laughter to the people!

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He pulled himself together and stepped away from the dark side of his own mind…

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I am the best, he told himself…

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I am not just an ornament…

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I am a hero, the stuff of legends…

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I have value…

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And he suddenly realized that he didn’t suck…

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People liked him…

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They really liked him…

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I mean, they really liked him a lot…

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And he knew that people would keep a bit of him with them forever…

a 1 a 75He knew that he had the right stuff…

a 1 a 79And he was sure that if he could just draw enough people in…

a 1 a 77 If he could just get the people on board…

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That his flame would burn brightly…

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And the world would be his…

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Okay, you have probably figured out by now that this posts is not really a short story at all. No, it is just a clever way to use up more of the old pieces of art with pieces of Art… me… in them from all my old posts. I am still going through them all to organize them. But I finally figured out that you were all getting sick of my silly ‘name that piece of Art’ series where I thinly disguised the pictures as a ‘come up with a clever name’ contest.

Anyway, it was fun to see if I could come up with a story to link together a whole bunch of pictures from a whole bunch of posts that originally had absolutely nothing to do with each other.

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