
Six? Wait, that seems like one more than last time I checked… let me see what is going on and get back to you… HA!
Instead of dropping bombs on these ISIS guys… or ISIL… is it ISIL now??? Isn’t that one of the kids in The Sound Of Music movie???… but, why don’t we try dropping Big Macs on them instead?
I know, it sounds like a crazy idea at first… most of my ideas seem crazy at first, and it isn’t until later, after much careful reflection, that you realize that only some of them are crazy, but others are actually a rare type of brilliant… and no, it isn’t my job to figure out which is which… that’s what you are all here for.
But think about it. Dropping burgers on people will make them much less angry than dropping bombs on them. It could even be considered a humanitarian gesture.
The thing is… and this a pretty good thing, even for one of my things… that these are McDonald’s Big Macs… and they are just as deadly as any bomb… it just takes longer for the death to occur.
And in the meantime, the ISIS terrorists will be too fat and lazy from chomping down those fat-laden, cholesterol-filled meat bombs… especially in that desert heat… to do much serious fighting. And particularly if we drop some of that new-fangled, legal-in-some-states medical/recreational marijuana with the Big Macs…. and some fries and huge drinks.
I’m just saying that there is more than one way to fight a war, and my way is cheaper… and slightly less morally repugnant.
I mean, I know that I make jokes about taking over the world, but in a way, I sort of really am… Now, come on, Greenland, give me some love!!!
Dear ISIS, you petulant, spoiled, obnoxious little baby-men…
Islam was once renowned for its tolerance of other religions and open-mindedness, as well the beauty of its architecture, its culture and its interest in education and learning. So what the hell happened to you guys? Why do fundamentalists always think their god is going to give them extra bonus points for blind exuberance and mindlessly getting carried away?
Yes, you are supposed to convert the infidel… with words. Your religion asks you to be thoughtful and contemplate the wisdom of its message. It asks you to convince others of the truth of these messages. Converting people is the challenge. If you kill them, you lose your chance to do that. You are lazy and stupid and you are taking the cowards way out. Because it might take living side by side with unbelievers for decades, and engaging them in conversation, and listening to their viewpoints, and expressing the value of the words you say you believe in.
But you can’t do that because you aren’t that bright. Why? Because you now reject the very education that Islam was once famous for. And you are impatient… which indicates that you do not have enough faith in your faith to win a war of ideas and words. You see the irony here, right? Well, probably not, which is a shame.
Somewhere along the line, you decided to listen to the holy men who preach a religion of hatred and violence. But there are other holy men out there that are telling you to spread the word by other means. You made a choice. It is the wrong choice. Someday you will meet your god, and he will gaze upon you with pity and sorrow, and you will know that you let him down. When there is a moral choice to be made between violence and peace, and you choose violence, it says more about your character than it does about your religion. It shows that you are unable to see the words of love and joy and sharing and caring and see only the words that feed your hatred and small-mindedness. When there is a choice between peace and violence, it is better not to do anything that is irrevocable. When you stand before your god, it is better to have to explain that you may not have converted many infidels, but that you were a man of peace and did all you could to spread his words, than to explain why you thought cutting the heads off unarmed, non combatant prisoners, or blowing up school children seemed like such a good idea at the time.
I hope you do get your virgins in paradise. I hope they are all the victims of your violence during this life, and in the next life, they are the ones with the power and the strength. The sad truth, from my perspective, is that they are probably all better people than you, and will decide not to extract their revenge. If this is the case, my next most fervent wish is that you all live for eternity feeling the shame of what you did in the name of your god, and know forever that in your zeal and thoughtlessness, you caused him anguish.
I know you have been taught all your life by your teachers and holy men that you are right and everyone who disagrees with you is wrong. However, believing you are right is not the same thing as being right.
I can see how in the early days of trying to prove how right you are, your frustration and anger at not being listened to led you to act out in some crazy ways. Hijacking airplanes or blowing up abortion clinics, protesting at soldier’s funerals or screaming that gay people are going to hell, it certainly did get you noticed. Again I feel the need to point out that being noticed is not the same thing as being listened to.
Yes, people are now aware of your point of view. Some of them may even agree with you, or at least feel that you have some valid concerns.
So perhaps now is the time to try taking your viewpoint in a new direction. When you put a bomb in a building or shoot a school girl in the head because she thinks girls should be able to get an education, you are just not getting the whole idea of a public relations campaign. If you want to get your message across might I suggest wristbands or perhaps ribbons of a certain color. Maybe some billboards. Or better yet, try a commercial with puppies. And make sure it is narrated by Morgan Freeman. People love that guy.
My only other suggestion is that if your god is telling you to blow people up or shoot school girls, maybe you are not listening to him closely enough. Which is ironic when you think about it, because your major complaint is that no one is listening to you closely enough. Just something to think about.
*****
Another old post… because I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… and I want to try the laughing thing first…
Have you ever considered the actual definition of what fundamentalism really means? It means you haven’t given any deep thought to your religion or politics. It literally means that you are still stomping around in the shallow, wading end of the pool and have been too terrified to venture out into the deep waters. It means that you got so hung up on the most basic principles of what you believe that you have never bothered to expand the horizons of your mental awareness.
Here is the actual definition of the word ‘fundamental’;
| basic, underlying, core, foundational, rudimentary, elemental, elementary, basal, root |
| synonyms: | basics, essentials, rudiments, foundations, basic principles, first principles, preliminaries; |
Are you really proud of the fact that you have never advanced past the first grade? That you stalled in the doorway of what lies before you. You stopped at the beginning of the path to gaze up at the mountains in front of you and decided that was enough for you.
I am asking you to follow the path. Climb the freakin’ mountains. Use the fundamental bits of learning that you are clinging to like some kind of life raft to float you down the river of enlightenment. Better yet, combine the bits of fundamental wisdom into new shapes and structures. Don’t get fixated on the ‘thou shalt nots’ and the catch phrases. Don’t get stuck in the worn out ruts of the plodding non-thinkers. Forge your own way. Look for the messages of love and acceptance in what you believe. They are there. And there are far more of them than the are words of hate and bigotry.
In the end, your religious and political leaders or your gods or at the very least your grandchildren and their children are going to judge you for who your persecuted and are going to admire you for who you accepted. If the people around you are caught in the swamp of fundamentalism, step boldly past them and strike out on your own.
You are smarter than that.
*****
Another old post… because I fight my wars with words, not bombs and bullets…
Why don’t we try something new… you know… just for a change… and not blow people up… or shoot them… or behead them. As I understand it, your goal is to get people to follow your religion. I am not expert, but it does sort of seem that killing people is a silly way to go about this. The people you kill can’t very well convert to your belief system, can they? And when other people see you killing innocent people just to make a point, it makes them nervous. This is just a bad public relations campaign all the way around.
So maybe you can try something new… just for a while… just to mix it up a little… just to see if maybe you really can get more people to listen to you without having to kill them.
What about this… try going door to door selling cookies…
I might have just suggested going door to door to spread the word of your faith, but that would make you too much like those other religious nuts who do that… and everybody hates those people. If, on the other hand, you sell them some tasty cookies at the same time, it will put them in the mood to listen. Maybe you could include little pamphlets in each box of cookies explaining to people why yours is the only one true god… it might work.
I suppose you could also try bake sales… or opening soup kitchens or medical clinics for the poor. Or almost anything that doesn’t involve killing people. What do you say?
———————-
*** Dear NSA agent who is reading this… I swear this is just a joke, and I am in no way trying to actually be useful to any terrorist movement… although really, if they did take this advice, would that be such a bad thing?***
I was thinking about it, you know, like I do about stuff, and the thing is… and this is a pretty important thing, if you happen to be a terrorist… but terrorism is not only cruel and evil, it is also completely ineffective. Don’t take my word for it. You can Google it yourself. There is not one instance in all of history where a group achieved substantial long-term goals through the use of terror.
If women had tried to get the vote and achieve equality by hijacking aircraft, they would still be barefoot, pregnant and making a sandwich for some man in a kitchen somewhere. If African-Americans in America had tried to get better treatment by planting bombs in markets, there would still be white-only drinking fountains in the South. Gay people didn’t resort to going on shooting rampages or strapping explosive vests to themselves, and now they can get married.
No, you know what did work? Social change brought about by changing people’s minds. You peacefully demonstrate. You get your message out with catchy phrases and public relations campaigns. You use the media to explain why your goal is a good one.
The really sad and ironic part of all this is that some of the original terrorist groups had perfectly valid points they were trying to make. The Palestinian people did need a homeland. They did need a voice in the politics of Israel. They were being marginalized. People would have realized that eventually. But then the PLO got frustrated and decided to try to speed up the process with horrid acts of violence.
And now, these acts of terror have become the standard method of demanding the attention of the world. And it does work for that. You do get noticed when you perform acts of terror… but not in a way that makes people want to see your point of view.
Now you are all engaged in a competition to see who can outdo the other terrorist groups in the pure scale of the terror. Sooner or later, the rest of the people on the planet are going to get sick and tired of this nonsense and come to the conclusion that the only way to end this vicious cycle is to hunt you all down in your nests and exterminate you, no matter what the cost.
So why not break the cycle? Try something new. Spread your message with flowers… maybe try staging the biggest peaceful demonstration in history. Instead of setting off bombs, try setting up giant floral arrangements. Instead of initiating a massacre, try to see if you can paint the world’s biggest mural on the side of a mountain. Instead of shooting school girl’s in the head, why not try setting up more schools for them, or soup kitchens, or what-the-hell-ever.
What do you have to lose?
Oh, and one last thing. I am fully aware of the fact that you prefer to be called ‘freedom fighters’ rather than ‘terrorists’… but I can’t help noticing that the first thing you always do when you take over any territory at all is to establish a bunch of new rules for everybody else to follow, and you kill them if they don’t… so let’s be honest, you aren’t really interested in freedom for anybody but yourselves.
*****
Another old post… ironically, I think this is the one that all my spam has been aimed at lately… what’s up with that, WordPress?
I love this crazy country. I am as patriotic as the next guy… unless that guy is running for president, because those guys are, to hear them tell it, the most patriotic of us all… which makes it all the more ironic when they also say that America is now ruined because of Obama, and they have to fix it… I mean, isn’t that sort of a contradiction?
The thing is… Hello, ‘thing’, I haven’t seen you around for a few days… that you can love something and still have expectations. You can still ask questions. You can still voice an opinion that isn’t entirely positive. Loving something blindly is like driving your car blindly. It doesn’t really matter how good a driver you are if you refuse to look at anything.
It is all well and good to proclaim that the country in which you happened to be born is the best country on the planet. We are sort of hardwired that way. But when you let the emotion become so deep-seated that you stop looking at the details… that is where it becomes blind love, and that is when you stop thinking things can get better.
We might well be the best country in some ways. But can we ignore studies that say we are falling behind in some areas? When our infant mortality rate reaches levels below that of some third world countries… when our educational system isn’t keeping up with the rest of the world in teaching math and science… when millions still have no health care, but people scream about socialism and how evil it is without having a real plan to fix the problem… are we doing ourselves a disservice?
Hey, I love my kids too. I think they are the best kids on the planet… (even though I am sure a few billion other parents out there might argue the point)… but when they are having problems in some class at school, we try to help them understand the subject. When they are having problems with another kid, we try to teach them ways to get along and compromise and talk through the problems.
The thing… (sorry, this isn’t one of my ‘things’, this is just an expression)… about blind love… or blind obedience… or blind faith… (not the band, the unquestioning belief in some religion)… is that it stops us from ever looking for ways to improve that which we love… or obey… or have faith in.
Love doesn’t mean: ‘This thing or person is perfect’. It means: ‘I care about this thing or person, and, while I love them just the way they are, I still want them to reach for ever higher goals, become even better, and never stop growing’.
I suppose that the other side of this coin is when people expect too much from those they love, and put too much pressure on them to be better… (I’m talking to you, tiger moms)… and end up making that person a miserable wretch who spends the rest of their life in therapy… but that is a topic for another post.