That’s what locker room talk sound like? No wonder I never go into those places… (Or): What goes on in my head when I am alone in a car on a long drive: The crack squirrel chronicles… part 4…

Whatever kind of room you find yourself in, guys, if another guy comes up to you and starts talking like that, tell him to shut up… or words to that effect. In fact, if you want to punch him in the face, I will pay your legal fees.

(That was a joke, I can’t afford your legal fees, but maybe we could do that crowd sourcing funding thing, whatever it is called… we will work something out)…

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I don’t spend much time in locker rooms. If I did ever end up in one… you know… like if I was chased in there during the zombie apocalypse by hordes of the undead, and some guy in a towel started talking to me about women like that, I would feed him to the zombies. Just sayin’.

Once again, this isn’t a political post. This is just another insight into the inner workings of my skull… where the crack squirrel apocalypse is in full swing… sigh.

 

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Naked babies… and no, this isn’t a political post, I swore I was laying off those for a while… (Or): What goes on in my head when I am alone in a car on a long drive: The crack squirrel chronicles… part 3…

Okay, I know, I said I wasn’t doing politics here until after the election, but I was stuck in a car, by myself, driving through through the darkness and heading past L A and beyond, and the thing is… (we all knew there would be a thing in here somewhere)… that, in those circumstances, it is hard not to dwell on the simmering anger that stems from that orange baboon-man. Also, I am not filtering these in any way. This is just an insight into the way my crack squirrel-infested cranium works.

Anyway, here is the thought that popped, unbidden, into my head:

I wonder if we are going to hear breaking news accusing Trump of buying a baby beauty pageant… and then walking in on babies while they are being changed.

(This reminds me of an old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a baby? Only one… but the bay has to really want to change)…

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Orangielocks And The Forebears… (Or): What goes on in my head when I am alone in a car on a long drive: The crack squirrel chronicles… part 2…

Once upon a time there was a strange orange man with strange orange hair who was very concerned about other people and where their ancestors came from. He did not like people who had forebears who did not look and behave exactly like his own forebears did. They made him nervous. So he went out looking for a group of like-minded people.

He discovered that there were two main parties. He thought that sounded like fun. He liked parties.

The first party he tried to join was too nice. They just didn’t know how to hate anybody.

The second party, well, he did like all the hating and the judging, the rules that were for other people but not for them, at least, not those near the top. He didn’t really think that they were quite hateful enough for his taste, but he figured he could fix that.

And they all lived… uh… well…

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This is the second idea that popped into my head during my long and lonely drive to the Bay Area. Once again, this is just a little glimpse into my head, and will probably not make sense if you haven’t read the first post in this series.

Also, I know I said I wasn’t doing any political posts until the election was over, but this isn’t a political post. It is a scary… I mean ‘fairy’ tale.

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What goes on in my head when I am alone in a car on a long drive: The crack squirrel chronicles… part 1…

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This morning, at 4:00, I left San Diego. Later, I watched the sun come up from the top of the range of mountains North of LA. Right now, I am at my mom’s house in the Bay Area… and we will get to the reasons for that later.

We all know that I have crack squirrels living inside my head, right? Well, have you ever wondered what it was like to be me on a long, lonely car ride? And I don’t mean an exciting road trip ride on undiscovered highways, or even a familiar but beautiful stretch of road. I mean a long, grueling, 8 or 9 hour trek with very little to look at that I haven’t seen thousands of times, and most of that is boring.

So, just to give you a little insight into the inside of my cranium, I am going to do a series of posts over the next day or two, based on the cryptic little scrawls I jotted down in a notebook… mostly in the dark… while fighting LA traffic.

Now, don’t panic. I won’t do the whole day’s worth of random weirdness that is my lot in life. I stopped taking notes when I took that picture. This is just two hours worth of mental meanderings.

Some are just random thoughts, and some are ideas for actual posts, which I will fill in… or out… before I share them.

This first one is easy… and I am doing these in the order that I thought them up… but, this question popped into my mind:

I wonder if Donald Trump ever had a pair of those ‘truck nuts’ dangling from the rear of one of his limousines?

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Yeah… I did that…

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I will be AFMKOAA today…

That’s: ‘Away from my keyboard on an adventure’!!!

I will keep you posted.

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What’s wrong with this picture? (The answer is way down at the bottom of the post)…

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Did you spot it right away?

…ooo000ooo…

Are you still trying to figure out what it is?

…ooo000ooo…

Maybe you need to watch the nature channel more.

…ooo000ooo…

Or the National Geographic channel.

…ooo000ooo…

Or go to the zoo…

…ooo000ooo…

I will give you a few hints.

…ooo000ooo…

I didn’t change the size of anything…

…ooo000ooo…

Or add anything…

…ooo000ooo…

Or take anything away…

…ooo000ooo…

But, if you are color blind, this is a cruel joke, and I sincerely apologize…

…ooo000ooo…

Because this is what a peacock looks like…

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Yeah, that actually took me a few weeks to do with the color replacement brush on my new version of Photoshop on my new laptop…

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But I kind of think it was worth it.

 

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City Dreams… part 15…

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City Dreams… part 14…

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Wolfgang Puck is Graham Norton… with a fake accent…

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If you don’t know who either or both of these people are… well, that’s what Google is for… and you aren’t watching nearly enough TV… but admit it, you have never sen them in the same room at the same time, have you?

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