Our next guest on my strange interview series in this guy, from this place: http://trentlewin.com/ He lives in the frozen North is a mystical kingdom called Canadada or something like that. Not only is he my number one commenter according to that WordPress end of year review thing, but he is the guy who came up with the idea of having me interview you all.
Seriously, if this doesn’t make you laugh, there is something wrong with you…
————————————————–
1. What do you like best about my blog?
I mostly like the strange compulsion to be naked while reading it. Is that strange? I’m not necessarily saying that I’m naked right now, but I’m not saying that I’m not either. Hey, stop peeping! Also, I like the variety in your blog. It’s always different. And you actually interact with people.
(Now you know why I love this guy)
2. Do you like monkeys?
I have a monkey. He perches on my shoulders and forces me to type. Occasionally, when I don’t listen properly, he slings feces about the room. He is very accurate, so beware.
(I will take your word for it)
3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each day for one hour you had to stand under the EifelTower naked, would you still go?
I would never consider going to Paris clothed.
(Are you bringing your monkey… and a hammock for him to lay in?)
4. What makes your blog unique?
It’s got weird characters, none of whom are me. It’s got a certain aroma. It’s got wine and coffee in abundance. It’s got the monkey, I already told you that! And it’s got odd stories, some long, some short, some that don’t end, some that end too quickly.
(I know what you mean about those stories that never end)
5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the first order you would issue?
Please please bring back the Montreal Expos. Also give us world peace and no more war. And no styrofoam, that stuff sucks.
(That is more than one order, and styrofoam is delicious)
6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
This interview?
(I expected a better answer than that, but it made me proud, so let’s move on)
7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid, or a baby?
All three please. I love kids. Adults are okay.
(Once again, you got greedy… is that a Canadian thing… like that Rob Ford guy? Adults are just babies that society ruined)
8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick Cheney ever did?
Being born. That guy is a serious wanker.
(Only about one third of the people here know what a wanker is, and only that many because I am huge in England, Canada, and Ireland)
9. What is the worst thing that you ever did?
I slept with Dick Cheney! Oh wait, that could be the answer to question 6. I ain’t proud.
(Nor should you be)
10. If you could have dinner with one fictional character… including cartoons… who would you pick?
George Bush Jr. He’s fictional, right? No one like him could exist. But I would probably have to spoon-feed him at dinner, and that would be a pain. So I will pick Darth Vader instead. I love that guy. He has the best headgear.
(Darth Vader was our 58th President)
11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a barbeque, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring yourself to kill and eat the cow?
I would hack that beast to pieces and eat every last part of it. Apologies to all Hindus. And vegetarians. And especially vegetarian Hindus.
(Why, are you going to eat the vegetarian Hindus when you finish the cow?)
12. What one word describes your blog best?
Unpredictable.
(Wow, I did not expect that, so you might be right)
13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your family for if they declared their undying love for you?
Nope. Hey, how do you know that my wife’s not a celebrity already? You don’t, do you?
(I think she should be famous just for marrying you)
14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that? And can I have a picture of you?
I’d be okay with that. But I ain’t giving you a picture. There are few existing photos of Trent P. Lewin. Also, my middle name is P. As in P.
(Ha… you said P. As in P.)
15. What makes you cry?
Seeing the bottom of an empty wine bottle. Armageddon, the movie. Frozen testicles. A beaver back from the war with PTSD.
(Okay, a scorched, battle-traumatized beaver might just push me over the edge)
16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or dead, who would that be?
Gandhi. I’d tell him to get a job, the freeloader. Also, Adolf Hitler. He sucked and could do with a good verbal paddling.
(What part of the word ‘one’ do you not get? They have ‘ones’ in Canada, don’t they? Stop being so greedy)
17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me?
Yes.
(YAY)
18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able to do?
Penis trapeze. It’s easier than it sounds but only Canadian men can do it.
(Only Canadian men would want to be able to do it)
19. Which drug side effects from those TV commercials disturb you the most?
Intense voluminous premature ejaculation. Terrifying.
(I missed that commercial, and I watch a lot of TV. I am an American. Are you just making this stuff up, because we are trying to get to know you intimately)
20. Who the hell do you think you are?
Trent P. Lewin, owner of Trent Lewin’s Word Emporium, a fine establishment serving nothing but mild migraines and excessive incontinence. I said incontinence, not impotence! Why on earth would you bring up impotence? Why? Why? Why?
(Seriously, what did you do before you found my blog???)
21. Now tell us why we should follow you…
If you don’t, I will send the monkey to destroy you. Just kidding. He doesn’t even have a passport. Well, I do strange things and I don’t post very often, so I try to put something into whatever I do post. You might occasionally glimmer some interesting writing thereabouts. I don’t know. What kind of question is this? What happened to the funny ones? The monkey grows angry.
(I do strange things and I post a lot… so I win)
Just for you…
1. Why are you always hanging around my blog flirting with the cute girls?
There are cute girls here? Wait, there are girls here? Whoooo-hooo!
(There were more before you started getting all weird)
2. Tell me the truth, does the Canadian army really have a secret corps of flaming ninja attack beavers?
In fact, the entire Canadian army is comprised of ninja attack beavers, but we only light them up when they’re about to engage in battle. The smell is atrocious, but if you have ever seen anything more terrifying than a flaming beaver bearing down on you, I don’t know what it is. Well, there’s the flaming moose I guess, but that’s top secret, I can’t spill the beans on that one.
(Never spill beans on a flaming moose… even I know that… I was a Boy Scout)
3.What is the coldest it has ever gotten where you live, and the deepest the snow ever got?
I don’t know. -25 degrees Celsius. Do you know what Celsius is? Did you know that the US, Liberia and Burma/Myanmar are the only countries in the world not on the metric system? What gives? What’s the problem over there exactly? As for snow, about 3 feet I guess. I love snow. In Canadaland, we get lots of it.
(Celsius is a green crunchy vegetable… we are just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up to our advanced measuring systems)
4.Do you really like Americans, or are you just too polite to tell us the truth?
We love Americans. True story.
(I find that very heartening… and hard to believe… Americans don’t even like Americans, that is why they keep shooting them)
Pouring My Art Out 
Pingback: Inner View… # 7 | Pouring My Art Out
When it’s super cold in far north Canadadaland, it would be extremely difficult to do penis trapeze or penis anything.
We all think that.
12.5 million Canadian men can’t all be wrong. Hmmm, this does give me an idea for a post…
I think they can… never underestimate the ability of a man to be wrong, no matter where he comes from.
Well done.
Thanks… if you mean me…
Of course. Pardon my brevity. ( Trent is pretty smooth too )
If you have an inclevity towards brevity express it through levity.
Stupendously splendiferously expressed
I think I meant ‘proclivity’…
I don’t know what that meant… but thanks…
Audra, you need to be interviewed at some point. I would kill to read that. But I would not kill a beaver. It would be a crack squirrel. And I would kill it several times. Because it’s a crack squirrel.
Crack squirrels should be killed.
An interview with me would be zzzzzzzzz barfo Rama lama
Yeah I don’t think so…. I’d LOVE to see one. Art, you paying attention out there?
In addition to killing crack squirrels, they should be cooked and eaten.
Tastes like chicken yo
With a delightful hint of crack.
yeah… try the A-1 sauce, the flavors work well together.
and crack
And no way Jose
Dang
Really I’d be a boring interview. You know that
I don’t think so, dude. You’re edgy and have a mountainous personality in my opinion.
Mountainous. Ooooh I love that. Let it rip eh? Thanks Trent. I trust all is well? I need to catch up in my reading of your fabulous self. I see in my reader I am grossly behind. Heading into the home stretch for school. Booh fecking ya
Did you just call her personality fat???
Not everyone is a exhibitionist.
Gnad
awww… we have a shy one…
Pshhhht
HA
I am sort of done with the inner view thing. It is a lot of work, and I am ending it with something special… to me at least.
And if you eat one of the squirrels, you will be awake for four days.
ding dang
Boopsie boop
Hey… this is a family-friendly blog!
I’m am family. I’m Trent’s evil twin
I wouldn’t brag about that if I was you…
If you kill one of mine, I will make you breed with the queen to replace it…
Hmm . . .an enlightening insight into what makes PMAO tick and what makes Trent Lewin Tock. And anybody who wants to cuss out Ghandi is Aces in my book.
That says it all… I think…
This is an excellent point. But I think I’m more tick and Art is more tock.
Yes… I always think of you as a tic… I mean a tick…
By Jove! I think you’re right!
sigh
This was delightful! Trent, I thought you were from England. I don’t know why I thought that. And everything you wrote was with an English accent. Now I have to change my ways. I think your middle name is Phillip. Am I right? I reached out into the Universe for that one.
I thought it was Phineas… and I was sure he was from Abyssinia
Phineas is a proper, clever name. Trenty, please tell us who is right. Tell us, tell us!
Oh, please do…
My middle name is P. As in P. Originally from England but now in Canadaland… it’s a long confusing story filled with frozen body parts, and now here I am.
P… just P… frozen P… we get it…
The quality of this interview — on both sides — ranks it right up there with the best of TV. Yup. It was that good, boys…
I just want you all to know that I am sooooooo far ahead of you. In fact, nobody in the blogosphere wrote about crazy, gun stealing beavers before I did.
We never wrote about gun stealing beavers at all… just flaming beavers of war and revolution… you have the gun part all to yourself…
Phew. I hate being one in a crowd!
Better to be original than popular… but both is nice…
Hey, beavers don’t hurt people. It’s the guns that beavers carry that hurt people.
And the flames…
You know, if you feed them Mexican food before sending them on an attack, when you lit them on fire, they would also be like living flame throwers.
Reblogged this on Trent Lewin and commented:
My friend Art from PMAO (personal blog hero, by the way), has an interview series going called “Inner View”. He thinks that name is very clever. He may be right. Here’s his interview with me. You got to admit, the guy is funny. This is my second on-line interview, the first was with the erstwhile Irving Dalrymple, and can be found here: http://trentlewin.com/2012/10/03/an-author-interview-with-trent-lewin/
Get out, Trent! Before It’s too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look at number 4 that I just posted… XXX rated…
Dude, where am I gonna go? I been sucked in and now I’m done!
He signed a lease.
Yeah but the landlord is a bit strange…
still
As someone who is married to a Canadian, I found this post to be 1) hilarious, 2) as absurd as most Canadian things (although my spouse always blames the French), and 3) enlightening. (Weren’t expecting #3, were ya?) Anyone who can put together a post involving monkeys, feces, and Dick Cheney has GOT to be a freaking genius!
We steal all the best comedians from Canada… wait… which one of us is a genius???
I most heartily agree.
Of course you do.
Just being agreeable.
fo schnizzle
I have to say, that turned out pretty well, knew you’d make a good interviewer. I was sober the whole time, honest!
Me too. And me too.
Yay me! And now to get weird…
Yeah… now…
Haha 😀
Makes mine seem pathetic 😆
The guy has a gift… and we sort of spur each other on… yours is fine. I assume. I haven’t read it yet.
Yeah, you two seem like peas in a pod 🙂
um… maybe
Peas in a pod? Really? That is one sad pod. And two shrivelled, wrinkled peas.
speak for yourself…
Shriveled and wrinkled? I suppose you’d have us believe that’s from the residual cold left attached to certain body parts after procreating in the snow!?
Um… yeah… that’s what I meant…
moving on…
He just has a fixation with body parts… let it go…
Yay Canadian! Arthur spell it right!
But I spelled Canada wrong in the first part… on purpose… so… nyahhhh
well pft
ha???
You didn’t even notice I spelled it wrong… HA!!!!
yes i did
ok
And when are you going to be interviewed?
It is in the pipeline
I just sent Arthur the answers to his questions and I think I’m being posted tomorrow. You’re in a couple of my answers so stay tuned! lol
uh oh…
hee hee
whee whee
Oh boy…
are you worried?! lol
Intensely. But also looking forward to it.
I am also up to my eyeballs in snow and aching from shovelling for an hour and a half this morning. Art, if you are listening in, no snide San Diego weather comments please.
Oh man I know what you mean! Hubby snow plows the driveway but I have to shovel off the back deck and dogs pooping area like 6 times a day. It can stop anytime now! I’m done with winter, and I’m a winter person! Take care
Can’t dogs poop on top of snow???
Not mine in fact most of the time it’s a real fight to get him to poop at all. When it’s too cold, to much snow, to wet, too hot…he hates pooping. Then we get the joy of his leaky anal glands…
I did my best comment on that part of the interview
lol
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
lol
stop it
stop what?
the ‘l’ and the ‘o’ and the ‘l’ thing…
ohhh lol
sigh
I just posted your interview!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woot! I’m on my way over! Mine is not half as funny as #4
but cleaner… a lot cleaner…
Yes I behaved a little
It was awesome! I laughed while I was doing my comments.
I’m glad you liked it, I wasn’t sure if it would be funny enough
Well I had to help a little, but I think we pulled it off.
pft
ha
You don’t want to know what the weather is here now…
I hurt from shovelling. Bad. It took a long long time. But it’s very beautiful and makes me want to tell a story of some kind. About snow. Hmmm… the mind wanders… it really does.
We know… you can have sex in it… move on
Don’t knock it until you knock it.
I never do.
After #4, nobody should worry
lol
yeah
yup
Weeeiiirrrddd. But he didn’t get to creeper status, so he wins!
Have you met the guy? He invented creeper status.
Wait, which part was weird? The interviewer responses, right? Those were a bit off-side.
I honestly believe a little of both. But like I told him, weird people are cool! A little diversity does a person good! 🙂
Ah heck, I was hoping you were going to take my side… sigh. But I agree, weird people are cool. I definitely don’t come here for the normal people. In fact, I don’t think I know many of those.
Hahahaha, Normal is stupid. Who would want to be boring like that, right?!
well, the world does need normal people too
Yes, true. The world needs all types of people to function the right way.
Exactly
Normal people scare me… I try to screen them but now and then one slips in… they don’t always stay long…
We could be even weirder if we wanted.
You know, I’m not even going to try and argue that because the consequences frighten me just a little.
We could have a weird-off…
No.. No I’m good 🙂
Maybe you should not look at the newest interview… I just destroyed my PG rating
… You know that makes me want to look at it even more right?
that’s okay too
I always get the last word
The combination of you too is just adorable and hilarious. And I love that the word ‘wanker’ was used. Ah, this was great!
We should be a comedy team… Like Bush and Cheney…
I can see the Chuck Lorre produced sitcom now
We need showgirls and monkeys…
Wow, no one has ever called us adorable and hilarious. We like you. Don’t tell Art that he’s a great big wanker too. I don’t think he actually knows what it means.
I do and I am and shut up.
It means ‘he who writes and draws well’ *conspiratorial wink*
Hee hee hee hee hee.
sigh
…ooo000ooo…
Are we being mean? I feel mean. *here’s a hug*
When you talk to other people here, I just pretend not to watch and try not to get jealous…
You have my undivided attent- OH A SQUIRREL
Do NOT play with the crack squirrels.
But they look so adorable
They bite and they have work to do.
*reluctantly puts down crack squirrel*
That one was stuffed anyway… I like to keep the best ones around even after they die…
Now I’m going to go to the doctor for multiple tetanus injections.
If you had grabbed a live one you would be going to the doctor for more than that.
Trent’s answer to #1 proves that he is just a tease because anyone who lives in magical Canadada (or who has read news reports of the frozen north temperatures: http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/532663/20140103/canada-mars-north-pole-cold-low-temperature.htm) knows that nudity never, ever happens this time of year in that frozen northern kingdom.
ssshhhh… don’t burst his tiny bubble…
Who you calling tiny?
Well why are you always trying to sneak the word ‘penis’ in to everything…
Sorry…as every Canadian girl knows…Canadian penises do not SNEAK anywhere…lol
So they go wherever they want to???
Everything goes where I want it…
This comment thread needs to be moved over to inner view #4!!!
That’s not entirely true. In order to prove our worth as people, we often procreate in the snow. I won’t lie, it’s not the most comfortable, and things are often over very quickly, and yes, there is usually some residual cold attached to various body parts… Ah crap, where was I going with this?
We are colder than Mars! We win! Please send a reward.
So what is the excuse for the short duration during summer… too hot? HA!
I regret to inform you that procreating in the snow is likely the only reward you get for being colder than Mars! 😛
Don’t knock it till you try it!
Don’t try it till you knock it!
It eliminates the whole problem of who has to sleep in the wet spot… HA!
Did we not have this discussion on another post??
There is nothing new under the sun… but I try…
😛
So funny. I can only imagine penis trapeze…engaging with Darth Vader would be interesting.
Don’t encourage him… he has an inflated view of his own inflation
This is why they invented youtube.
I thought it was cats…