Have you ever considered…?

Have you ever considered the fact that if we cured all diseases, then the larger population would cause food shortages that would lead untold numbers of people to die of starvation? If we stopped all kinds of violence against one another, more people would starve or die of diseases. I have a sneaking suspicion that if we cured all diseases and ended all violence and solved the food problem, an asteroid would hit us. Or we would ruin the planet as a place to live… which we are already doing, but we could do it faster with more people.

I am not trying to depress you. And I don’t have any answers as to what all this means. I just wonder if anybody else ever thought about this stuff? Just like I sometimes wonder if vegetarians ever really thought through the ramifications of what would happen if they converted everyone on the planet and we stopped eating meat. I mean, people don’t raise cows for fun. They sell them. For meat. If people stop eating meat, those millions of cows aren’t going to be put in retirement homes.

Well, now I am not sure exactly where I am going with all this, so I think I will stop going there now.

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Paris… part 3… (or); get the right hotel…

The hotel you stay in can make or break a vacation destination. Fortunately, my wife is one of those people who meticulously researches everything before settling on one choice. Also, my mom, a seasoned European traveler, already knew about this place…

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That is the double-room suite at the very top of this place…

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Yes, it’s the majestic Hotel D’Orsay, located just yards from the fantastic Musée d’Orsay, which is full of great art, and which we will be visiting soon.

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This hotel is just fancy enough… but not too fancy. It is fancy enough to really enjoy the few moments of down-time, but not so fancy that you are reluctant to leave and see Paris.

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The top floor suite comes complete with rustic… what are those big cabinets called? Armoires? Which sounds like a French word to me… so… uh… yeah. The ceiling also had those cool old support beams. Those weren’t just for decoration.

a 16I think that parts of the hotel are really that old.

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The hotel is not located on the most exciting street in the city, but it is in the center of everything. Also, it is just one street over from the river Seine.

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This room was a great place to eat those big boxes full of French pastries we brought back from the bakery. It had real old world charm.

a 19And we had these two little matching balconies in the back.

a 20From which, once again, the view was interesting enough to remind you you were in Paris, but not so breathtaking that you wanted to just stay in your room.

a 21And again, as you can see from these views out the front windows, it is not an exciting street, but that is the big art museum right over there with the big windows on top.

a 22And a quiet street cuts down on the traffic noise.

a 23See those stairs? In France, you leave your hotel key at the desk. You do not take it with you. And they do not have extra room keys in most hotels. So if you leave the room key with your mom while she is napping and go out on the town, the poor person at the desk has to run up all these stairs to let you into the room when you get back, because hotel policy will not let them ride the elevator. I loved the guy who worked the front desk at night.

a 24My daughter, on the other hand, seems to have been more impressed with the free stuff the hotel provides for the bathroom… because I did not take that picture.

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Paris… part 2… (or); when you travel, keep your eyes open… and your nose… and your mouth…

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When you travel, you can learn a lot about where you are by the food they eat. And you aren’t really experiencing a culture unless you eat their food. This is particularly true in France.

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Mmmmmmm… the stinky cheese! The thing… and this is one hell of an awesome thing… about France is that they not only make great food, they know how to live with food… no, wait, that sounds wrong. They know how to incorporate food into their daily lives. That’s much better. See, in any town of any size in any part of France, each neighborhood has its own bakery, cheese shop, butcher shop, vegetable market, and specialty food shop. And people stop each day and buy their food fresh. Yeah, you heard me. They eat bread that was just baked and cheese that was just made and meat that was just cut, and vegetables that were just pulled out of the ground. They have a relationship not only with the shop owners, but with the food and where it comes from as well.

a 3If you ever do go to France, you need to stop at some of these little shops and let your eyes… and your nose… and your mouth… and your stomach… live a little…

a 4Trust me on this.

a 5I mean, seriously, if there is a better smell in the world than a bakery full of fresh bread or a shop full of stinky cheese, I don’t know what it could… oh… wait…

a 6Did I forget about the French pastries???

a 7True, most of the bakeries also make pastries, but the places that just make the pastries will blow your freakin’ mind!

a 8The only thing better than going into a pastry shop in Paris is going back to your hotel with a few boxes full of their pastries after a hard day of sightseeing.

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I don’t know why this is the only picture of a box of pastries I could find… because I know we got more than one box…

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Oh, and my wife found these little sealed cups of French wine on the train. This is an awesome idea… if you like wine… which I don’t… but there does seem to be something decidedly un-French about this idea.

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Paris… part 1…

To be honest, going through the Chunnel on a train was less exciting that I thought it would be. It really is just a long tunnel. You have no sense of passing under the English Channel. I suggest, when you travel from England to France, that you take a ferry from Dover. That way, you get to see the famous white cliffs of Dover.

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That first picture if a trifle misleading. We didn’t actually make it that close to the Eiffel Tower on the first day. We had a long day of traveling. By the time we checked in to the hotel and went out for dinner and got my mom settled in for the night, the sun was going down. But, you know, it’s Paris, so I have lots of pictures of the Tower to burn through. HA!

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My wife, Mollie and I did walk along the river Seine to where we could see the Tower.

a 3We did get to enjoy our first sunset in the City of Lights.

a 4This was my third time in Paris, but I did enjoy the look of wonder on my wife and daughter’s faces.

a 5And it really is an enchanting place.

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What you might not know is that the Tower is now not only lit up from the ground, but they have covered the entire thing with small lights… that flash flicker and sparkle and sometimes change colors. Every hour on the hour, between dusk and 1 am, they put on a five-minute light show.

a 7The trick is taking lots of pictures so you are sure to get the Tower when the lights are on.

a 8I think we got that covered.

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Because Paris is all about the lights… at least at night.

a 10We will get up close and personal with the Tower in later posts. Oh yeah, we will. But we did have some other cool adventures to share.

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Goodbye, England…

It was time to leave England and take the train to Paris…

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I still miss cousin Dot’s house in the English countryside and the little garden.

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I miss the quiet little street with the brick houses, and the little day care center around the corner full of adorable little kids all yelling with their adorable little accents.

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I felt like I got to know the real England, at least a little bit.

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On the last night there, after we returned from our Liverpool adventure, Mollie, my wife, my mom and cousin Dot, got out all of Dot’s photo albums. Mom and Dot talked for hours about our family history. They looked at pictures, and talked about the people in them. Mollie hand-wrote a family tree. I know I am adopted, but this is the only family I have ever known. This is my history.

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Hey look, it is that same headstone we visited on our first day in Leyland.

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And that lady in the middle, the one with the red arrow pointing at her… (don’t worry, I used Photoshop, I didn’t actually draw on a photo with a red marker)… that is Grandma Nellie, my dad’s mother. I guess this was taken when she was visiting the family in England. It is hard to tell when this was taken. She lived to be 98, and she sort of looked old even when I was a little kid. By this point in the family history, I was snoring in one of Dot’s cozy chairs… hey, it had been a long day… but look at the guys in the back row… see those ears? Those are the Browne ears… except these people all still have the Browne without the ‘e’ on the end… no… I am not explaining it again… did you read the earlier posts?

The next morning we left for Paris.

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Which of these are real towns in the United Kingdom, and which are just silly words that I made up… a game…

Haltwhistle

Hexham

Ballinamallard

Swindon

Kettlewell

Wasdale Head

Workington

Mallwyd

Furnace

Peebles

Crumlin

Nuneaton

Wolverhampton

Thrapston

Thornaby

Darlington

Hartlepool

West Woodburn

Ecclefechan

Alnwick

Hay-on-Wye

Llanybydder

Kidderminster

Fawsley

Abergavenny

Wisbech

Long Eaton

North Hykeham

Coningsby

Horncastle

Worksop

Thirsk

Bridlington

Hunmanby

Hutton-le-Hole

Kirkbymoorside

Northallerton

Masham

Bowness-on-Windermere

Seascale

Howtown

Pooley Bridge

Penrith

Middleton-in-Teesdale

Amble

Sanquhar

Cumnock

Troon

Dalmellington

Alloa

Bridge of Earn

Lochgoilhead

Balquhidder

Dalwhinnie

Balloo

Moy

Sixmilecross

Newbuildings

Fivemiletown

Ballygawley

Gweedore

Llandysul

Narberth

Machynlleth

Dyffryn

Llanrhaeadr-ym-Mochnant

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Before we continue with more posts about our European adventure, I thought this would be a fun game to play. I just looked on Google maps and typed up a bunch of names from the United Kingdom. Just so you know, I did used names from Scotland, Ireland and Wales, just to make it more interesting. Try and see if you can figure out which of those are real and which ones aren’t…

*Don’t read the hint below until you at least try to play the game.*

***HINT***

(Every single one of those names is a real place in the United Kingdom. I didn’t make any of them up. I was going to make some up and throw them in, but really, can anybody make up more awesome names for real places than the ones on the list right there? I didn’t even zoom in on the maps very far. These are all fairly large towns. If I had zoomed in farther, I would be willing to bet that we would find some awesome place names. Maybe you should try doing that. Get to know your world a little better. I know we saw some awesome names while we were cruising around the English countryside )…

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A poem for Donald Trump… and I should probably apologize for this one right here at the top…

Donald, may I call you Don?

Or would you prefer Mr. Trump?

Into the primaries you have been drawn

You say America is in a slump

As much as I would love to end up as your pawn

I’m afraid I’m not that much of a chump

I can hardly wait to see the dawn

You thing in the night that goes bump

Most of us just want to see you gone

You human-shaped camel’s hump

With your hair like a poorly manicured lawn

And you head like a rotting stump

Yes we cannot wait until you’ve withdrawn

You ambulatory garbage dump

What causes you to ramble on?

What makes you such a grump?

Your morals have been overdrawn

You spew vile like a septic tank pump

America’s not falling for your con

So go take a flying jump

If you insist on behaving like Satan’s spawn

I would like to sit down with a thump

And it’s your face I would like to sit upon

So that you can kiss my big, sweet rump…

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Okay, I feel better now. I am sorry about that, but this guy might be my new Dick Cheney. I just think that when a small piece of evil lodges inside your brain, it is better to drain the infection before your head swells up and pops like a giant zit. Besides, once I started unleashing my pent-up rage, I discovered that the real challenge of this piece was not channeling the anger… no… it was trying to see if I could actually do a fairly long poem where I rhymed every other line with Don and Trump and still have it make sense. I know he hates to be called Don, but if you can come up with any good rhymes for Donald, you are better with words than I am.

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Day tripper… part 3… Liverpool was… wait… oh, that is the cutest puppy ever!!!

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As we walked back to the train station, my wife and Mollie stopped to do some souvenir shopping, and while I waited I met this little guy. He is a bulldog, and I think his name was Chumley. I love bulldogs. I like the way they start breathing hard when you scratch them just right.

a 2Liverpool was a fun day trip. We saw the Beatles museum and we saw them doing that scene from an upcoming movie. And I just noticed that somebody scratched part of the ‘m’ off that sign up there… HA!

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No, Liverpool is not full of the rare English humped zebra… we saw these signs all over London too. It has something to do with the way that the lines are painted on the street and how pedestrians should cross the street there, but even the English people we asked weren’t really sure what it was all about or how it worked.

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That is the front of the Cunnard Line building. They were using the back of this building as a movie set pretending to be 1940’s New York… if this confuses you, I suggest you look at the last post I did in this series.

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Liverpool is an interesting place.

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It is a port city, a dock city, a maritime city, a working city. It is built around the river Mersey, and has been a center of trade for almost as long as there has been an England.

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We were there on a gray, drizzly day that really suited the temperament of the city.

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This area was so heavily bombed during World War Two that over two hundred ships were salvaged just in the river and the shallows of the estuary during the war… I read that on a plaque. That means that the Germans sank so many ships in this area… with bombs and mines and torpedoes… that 200 ships sank in waters shallow enough for them to be refloated and fixed. We can safely assume that many more ships were sunk in the deeper waters offshore or were too badly damaged to be used again. This is just one port in England. This gives you some idea of the scale of the war, and particularly the battle of the Atlantic, where England strove to import enough food and supplies to keep itself going.

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There are a lot of museums and old historic ships in Liverpool, and if you like boats, it is worth a visit for that alone.

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We are nearing the end of our day trip to Liverpool. It is almost time to get back on the train to cousin Dot’s house.

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I hope you enjoyed yourself.

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I will never forget the weird bit of movie history.. and real history… that we stumbled upon.

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These are the kinds of memories that stick with you… because how often do you see a 1940’s New York police car rolling through the streets of Liverpool?

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Day tripper… part 2… wait… why are there World War Two era U.S. soldiers in Liverpool???

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No way… are they filming another movie? Everywhere we go in England they are filming movies. What’s the deal?

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Yes, that looks like a movie camera. And that is a real bobbie closing off the street.

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And that is a 1940’s era American police car.

a 4Turns out that this street in Liverpool has buildings that look more like New York in the 1940’s than anyplace in New York. So they kept closing down the street, and resetting all these old cars and all these movie extras and the two soldiers, and making them relive the same moment over and over.

a 5We must have watched the same cars drive down the street, the same people walk down the sidewalk, and the same two soldiers cross the street a dozen times. This was just like that scene from the James Bond movie we saw being filmed in London!!!

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This movie is, supposedly, starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant… neither of which we saw, just so you know… and is about Meryl as a rich lady who wants to sing opera but is terrible and nobody has the nerve to tell her. Mollie tells me the movie is called Florence Jenkins. You could Google it.

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But it was fun watching this bit of old and new history rewind and replay over and over again.

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And I did tell you that I have a real talent for being wherever something unusual is happening anywhere around me without even knowing it was happening in advance.

a 9As another note of historical interest, I think that big building on the right is the back side of the Cunard Line headquarters. You might recognize the name. It is a huge cruise ship line and they owned the Carpathia, the ship that rescued the survivors of the Titanic. They also built both the Queen Mary and the Queen Mary 2.

a 10The building was really beautiful on the other side, and I might have a picture of it to share in the next post… wait… is that guy not wearing socks? That seems historically inaccurate.

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Anyway, I hope to see you later for the end of this part of our adventure.

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Uh… I guess I’m not done doing silly pictures of Eric Idle…

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But then again, he did help me get permission to use the Monty Python quotes I needed for the alien who learned how to speak English by watching old episodes of the Flying Circus in my action/humor science fiction novel… the upcoming book three of my series which is going to the publishers in a matter of days… the earlier books of which are available right over there in the sidebar… so… uh… yeah…

Here is the original pictures, if anyone cares…

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Oh, and my wife and I might go and see Mr. Idle… who is still following me on Twitter, if you were wondering about that… up in LA at the Hollywood Bowl in Spamalot! Live! On Stage! Maybe… I hope… I will let you know…

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