Monthly Archives: June 2014

A funny thing happened to me at the funeral… (Or): I really need to stop blurting out the first thing that pops into my crack squirrel-infested head… (or): the poorly-hung urinal…

I was at a funeral yesterday. It was not a depressing one… she was 99 years old. She was an old friend of the family, and led a crazy cool life. I had to stop and use the facilities in … Continue reading

Posted in Stories of my life, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 38 Comments

I’m glad that people no longer use the expression: the world is your oyster…

Because not everybody likes oysters. I mean, I guess life can be like an oyster… It can be very difficult to get into, and it can be very messy once you do get into it… the odds are you aren’t … Continue reading

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , | 127 Comments

Sometimes, when I meet someone, and they tell me it is a pleasure to meet me…

… I can’t help thinking inside my head: ‘well, yeah, you say that now’… Because they most likely said the same thing to the last person who totally ruined their life…

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , | 47 Comments

Sometimes, when people ask you how you have been, or what you have been up to…

You need to give them the full rundown. I mean every dirty, boring bit. Every ache and pain, every triumph and tragedy. Tell them everything that has happened to you since the last time you saw that person. Not just … Continue reading

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 58 Comments

Why do we tell each other to have a good day?

Whenever anybody tells me to have a good day, I always say: ‘Hey, you have two or three good days, in case I don’t see you for a while’. Stop being so stingy. What, are you saving up all the … Continue reading

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , | 68 Comments

The best father’s day gift in the whole history of having children… (or): Wow, do my kids know me or what?

Oh yeah… that is exactly what you think it is… a stamp with a picture of my face on it! Being the self-obsessed person that I am, you can surely imagine how freaking exciting this is for me. My older … Continue reading

Posted in Pictures of me, Stories of my life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

What the heck, WordPress???

Where is my sidebar???

Posted in stuff about blogging | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments

Twit wit…Part 27…

*** Warning, might contain naughty words*** ———————————– *And now you have walked on the rice paper of wisdom without leaving the footprints of ignorance… you may leave the temple, Grasshopper. *So a picture is worth a thousand words, but love … Continue reading

Posted in Twitter tweets | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Oh, and I got two new Tweets from Eric Idle of Monty Python… so for those of you keeping score of my celebrity Twitter stalking… that’s 6 from Eric Idle, 1 from William Shatner, 2 from Ricky Gervais, 1 from James May of Top Gear, and 4 from Dana Carvey, who is still following me on Twitter for some unknown reason… but still no love from Hugh Laurie, dang it.

Okay, these are not in order, and part of the conversation is missing, and there is no context, but still… be jealous… be very jealous… Arthur Browne‏@ArthurBrowne1 17h @EricIdle We stole our tune from one of your old drinking songs… … Continue reading

Posted in Twitter tweets | Tagged , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

More tips for taking great pictures of reef fish when you go to Maui on your second honeymoon…

First of all, and I hate to state the obvious here, taking pictures of fish requires the ability to swim… Oh, and don’t forget to take the obligatory underwater selfies… those never get old… and a good underwater camera will … Continue reading

Posted in dogs and other animals, My travels, Pictures of me, Stories of my life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments