You know how I have the strange habit of posting all my clever Tweets on my blog… you know, in case you don’t follow me on Twitter? Well, to give you a break from all the Maui pictures, and to mix it up a little, I decided to do another one of those posts… and it turns out to be a good thing I did… because Twitter is no longer saving all your old tweets… I scrolled back through mine, and it stopped in the middle of December. Which is a shame, because I was only up October on these posts. That means that more than a month of my tweets are now lost forever.

For the new people here, a little warning. On my blog, I hold myself to a high standard of family friendly material… mostly… I mean, stuff happens… but the point I am trying to  make is:

(WARNING… this post might now contain some words and content that are more adult in nature, and if you are under 18 years of age, go do some homework)

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*This whole ‘war on Christmas’ thing would go a lot faster if we used drones… or nukes…

*Honest, Santa, I’ve been good… I mean, there was that one thing… but we all make mistakes…

*I know what I’m getting you for Christmas… you are going to freak out…

*”When I think about you, I touch my elf”… (Santa, 1994)

*Politicians… they cost more than hookers… but they screw you for a lot longer…

*If lovin’ me is wrong, I don’t want to be right…

*Life, liberty, and the pursuit of followers…

*I see dud people…

*When I think about you, I touch my keyboard…

*Can we all be serious for just one minute… starting right now…

*Keep calm and… no… that’s it… just keep calm…

*Suck it up, people… uh… no… that isn’t really what I meant… but thanks…

*When life hands you a kick in the nuts, make the ‘ow’ face, grab your crotch, and writhe on the ground… #inspiration…

*I am following Aerosmith… and Steven Tyler is going to Tweet me… and you are all going to be so jealous…