In the first place, he is my head minion. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a compliment to you, but trust me, it is. It means that he is more loyal than a Golden Retriever. Okay, that sounds a little dismissive and demeaning, but it isn’t meant to be. I don’t know how else to sum it up. You know that post we are doing, the one where we are still trying to break the record for most comments on a WordPress blog post? The one that now has over 26,000 comments? Trent did more of those comments than anyone… except me, of course, because I replied to every comment that anybody did on there. But he not only acted as host when I was busy, greeting new people and making them feel at home, but he also came up with some incredible antics of his own on that post… like the time he split himself in two and tried to seduce himself.
Next, in the ‘above and beyond the call of duty’ stuff that Trent does, did I mention that he is editing that World War Two London murder mystery novel that I wrote here on the blog? For free… yeah, you heard me. Oh, I am going to send him a signed copy, and put his name in the credit page of the book, and I did write him into the book as a character. And I am going to do countless blog posts singing his praises. But other than that, it is free. How freekin’ awesome is that?
Also, Trent does comments on my blog all the time… good comments… some of them are longer than the posts he comments on.
And, he just seems to get me.
For those of you who have not met Trent, let me tell you a little about him. He is Canadian. That means he is almost as sophisticated and worldly as an actual English person. Oh, I realize that Americans tend to think of Canadians as exotic foreigners that ride through the wilderness in a red coat astride a giant bull moose, wearing a hat made from six live beavers, pausing now and then to suck maple syrup right out of a maple tree. Sure, we think the Canadian Prime Minister is a crack addict who lives in a log cabin designed to look like Buckingham Palace. Yes, we think that the only real cities in Canada are just giant pharmacies where our old folks go to buy cheap medicine to smuggle back across the border in their support garments. But once you make it past these generalizations and stereotypes brought about by our refusal to learn anything about the world beyond our own borders and a complete ignorance of geography, history, and current events, you will come to know that Canadians are a warm people… they have to be, they live in igloos.
Trent is a ferocious and unapologetic author. He writes things with thought and depth and big words… with shocking twists and plot lines that remind me of what I imagine a Canadian road map must look like. He doesn’t do posts very often. He isn’t like me, crying constantly for attention. He is content with his own brilliance. As well he should be.
So go say hello to Trent. He is probably still snowed in, huddling in his log cabin by a fireplace, a fireplace filled with burning maple trees, beavers, and totem-poles. Because in Canada, that is what keeps the wolves outside.
Pouring My Art Out 
I also love Trent – I just don’t have time to read him because I have these other friends (I’m pointing at you ART) who post multiple times a day, trying to hog all my attention! Anyway – our prime minister is not a crack addict – that’s the mayor of the largest city Toronto! Our prime minister is a boring guy!
we do not care about the details…
sounds like a great guy…and he’s a Canadian. what a coinky-dink! 😉 I’ll check him out.
He will like that… but tell him I sent you…
I’m not 100% convinced that Trent isn’t just plotting to photoshop you out of your own blog.
He’s crazy – crazy like a Canadian Salmon!
(That’s a thing, right?)
It’s more a thing than Canadian Bacon, that’s for sure!
but is there anything better than Chinook salmon wrapped in Canadian Bacon?
(Or is it Bacoun?)
*forfeits all chances of ever being allowed in Canada again*
That’s it, you are definitely banned.
Wait – nooo! I’ll learn french. I-I’ll be polite!
I’ll take hockey seriously as an organized, commercially viable sport!
Oh no you didn’t.
Tell me you didn’t just diss hockey.
NOW we are seriously going to fight.
We will meet for battle on the sacred beaver plains, clad in tanned hides and pelts, beneath the midnight sun.
Speaking of which, did you sample a Beaver Tail during your visit to Ottawa? They are DELICIOUS!!!
Good lord! My wife had heard of them and said we had to try them. I had no idea what they were, and then we saw a shack by the skate rental on the Rideau.
I think we went three or four times in our two days in Ottawa. YUM!
Right??? 🙂
We have nothing like those in NY.
No idea why not. the nut carts just aren’t the same.
????????????
Peanuts, almonds, cashews, chestnuts. Salted, sugared, cinnamon sugared…
mmmmmmmmm
The nuts are pretty awesome though.
wait… beaver tails are really beaver nuts?????
Ahem. That’s beaver scrotum, officially.
how official does that really need to be???
Dude. As a man you have to ask about the official-ness of scrotum?
Yes… I do…
is that a real thing???
sigh
seems like they would be chewy… I do love those maple candies shaped like maple leaves… or are those only for the tourists…
I have honestly never tasted a maple candy. It must be a tourist thing.
dang it
release the flaming beavers of war!
Put in a mouth guard… or is that mouuth guuard?
you must be confusing Canadians with North Dakotans or Minnesotans. 🙂 Ahh you betcha.
The lines are beginning to blur
Take the movie Fargo for a spin on Netflix. I think you’ll find them speaking “Canadian”. 😉
p.s. For what it’s worth, every American I’ve ever met tells me I sound like I’m from California. Whatever that means.
It means you are speaking Canadian wrong… HA!
Evidently.
We can’t all be gifted linguists like me…
I will play hockey and then knouck someone’s teeth out
No me… my dad was born there…
Canookian bacmon
HA
Those are some crazy fish I bet
It is good when people just “get you” isn’t it? there is that uncanny connection, almost like you can finish each others sentences.
It is strange when it happens with people you never met in real life. You know it can’t be a chemical thing. In some ways it is deeper.
Indeed, as there is no body language or anything like that to feed off of, all you have is words and their tone. At least how you read that tone anyway.
I suppose people feel in love or became lifelong friends back in the days of hand-written letters.
Hand written letters… wow not done one of those in many years
I need to do a post about friendship at a distance.
Can friendship at a distance realistically happen? The distance thing kind of negates a portion of friendship doesn’t it? That is what I have often thought anyway.
See, it all depends of how we define friendship. You could like a person, and then meet them, and not like them… or like them more. People fall in love on those dating websites and then get married. Is a relationship in what we talk about? Or what we do together? Is sharing stories of your life the same, or at least as deep, as sharing real life experiences? It all sort of makes you wonder.
This is true, something to think about for sure, I had an opinion on that but that opinion maybe changing.
It is a lot to take in
Dude, that is beyond sweet. You made my day. And yes I am drinking, cause in Canada that’s what we do. But you made my day anyway. And yes I think I do get you, and what I get is that you are a damn good guy and your ability to stay upbeat is incredible. I mean, I’m starting to find my own snarkiness annoying, but I’m glad I can hang out with you, and that you are always here literally ripping your guts out to amuse, entertain, and make us think. And I know you do that last part. I do. And now I’ve discovered that you’re great at putting together songs…
Hold on a second, I’m going to do some blow with our Prime Minister while the Mayor of Toronto abuses a moose… okay, done.
I’m looking forward to editing the book, and it’s my honour to do so. I enjoyed the chapters that I edited already. It’s gonna be fun. And I saw Al’s review of Saloon… will be posting my review when I’m done that too.
Dude, one day, face to face meeting somewhere they don’t get snow (ie. your place) is in order. And that will be a great day. I hope I don’t let you down.
I had a lot of fun with that post I think I should do a post about every country and how Americans look at them. And yes, we do need to get together… here… although I do want to spend more time in your lovely country… when it isn’t winter…
You are welcome up here anytime. Summers are lovely here, they really are.
I should hope so
you have so much great information in your blog. I struggle to get much reading time but I know I can learn plenty from you, Thank you so much and greetings… 🙂
Thank you, kind sir! I am honored by your presence.
This is a great tribute. Beautifully written with lots of humor and warmth…it makes me smile. 🙂
I hope it makes him smile.
I’m sure it will.
If he hasn’t been drinking…
Then maybe he’ll puke?
that won’t help me
It might help him.
maybe
You choose your friends (and minions) well, Art. Trend is a great guy.
Well, he pretrents to be… ha!
Just get all your minions down to meet up when I’m over in SoCal (I’m reading all the guidebooks so up on the lingo) I wonder how many you could get, I can imagine the army marching down the street
Most of them never leave the secret lair… or their basements…
….because you chain them up
shhhh
Trent does rock! I have to say that you are totally an utterly delusional about Canada! lol
no… it is a parody of the way we Americans view people in other countries… I should do one of those for each country on the planet.
I know and many do think that way about us Canadians.
exactly
You never told us what color moose you drive.
I have a pic of my moose on redbubble
Does he go everywhere with you, and you feed him from the dinner table?
In the log cabin?
Of course
ha
Does he bring you your slippers… or snow shoes?
sorry – LoUg cabin.
bawhaha flavoUr
sigh… or: siugh
ha!
it gets better
loug cabiun
I bet you do
I really do
sure you do
go look under the animal section
http://www.redbubble.com/people/arthearts/collections/280714-animals
I can’t yet
Is it a convertible?
Sorry – coloUr.
You know it favoUr
Do you throw a drowning person a life savour?
maybe
well don’t
don’t what? i forget
me too
Ha… sorry. Haur
Yay for Trent 🙂
So I would seem to be saying
Yes you would
phew
Agreed. Trent is something else. I’m not even sure who’s minion I am anymore. Plus Trent reminds me of my kids when they were younger. Just keep asking till you eventually wear me down and I give in. I have already given in Trent. I just need to figure out what to do now.
I have always thought of Canada as a friend. It sometimes surprises me sometimes when someone refers to it as a seperate country. no, no it’s not. It’s right there see? It is Northern United States right? Just with really big states. Like Quebec and Ontario.
Hey… you were my minion first… you are right there…
good point. I was yours first. That doesn’t sound bad right? 😉
Not to me it doesn’t
#LOVETHELEWIN
Trent = awesome = Art = YOU GUYS ARE COOL.
NUFF said.
That is entirely too kind of you.
Oh amen to that. Your head minion is brilliant AND funny, and not just even for a Canadian.
I am very lucky to have managed to lure such an assortment of awesome people into my little world.
Was this Trent approved?
That’s awesome that he is editing the murder mystery for you. I can’t wait to read the final version!
I can’t wait either… and no… he has not yet passed judgement.
You are preaching to the choir here. As you know your minions have minions and I am one of Trent’s. It makes me so proud to read how strongly you grasp concept of all that is Canadian. Trent has educated you well on our ways. As only he can.
I watch the travel channel…
See, TV can be so educational.
I rely on that