Our next interview is with a good friend of mine… I love her… (She made me say that… I had to come back and edit this part just to add it… she has self-esteem issues… but she really is a big jar of awesome sauce) Go check out her blog: http://benzeknees.wordpress.com/

Here is the interview…

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1. What do you like best about my blog? 

No matter what kind of mood I’m in when I arrive at your  blog, I’m usually happier when I leave!

(I am usually happier when you leave too, so we have that in common! HA!!! I kill me!!!)

2. Do you like monkeys? 

I do  like monkeys, but only when they’re far away – they are kinda  stinky!

(You have been hanging out with the wrong kind of monkey)

3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each  day for one hour you had to stand under the Eifel Tower naked, would you still  go? 

No.  First of all I hate to fly, so they’d be  peeling me off the ceiling of the plane on such a long trip, secondly no one is  seeing me naked!  My name is not El Guapo!

(I have never seen a naked person get peeled off the ceiling of a plane before… and I have been around… and I bet someone has seen you naked… parents, doctors… somebody)

4. What makes your blog unique? 

My blog is unique because even though I have dealt with some  pretty nasty issues in my past (child abuse, rape, health issues, sexual  harassment, etc.) & I sometimes do posts about these issues, I still try to  look on the lighter side of life.  Besides no one but me is married to  Kelvin, so no one could write “Life with Kelvin” but me!

(I still think you should make that into a Sitcom… maybe leave out the abuse stuff)

5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the  first order you would issue?

I want a Tardis to travel  around in!  But it must have a nice plushy bed too!

(Why is everybody so greedy? I said ‘first order’… not a wish list. Also, the Tardis obviously comes with the job.)

6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened  to you? 

I have a ton of embarrassing things happen to  me, I can only tell one?  Maybe having to admit to a doctor in the  emergency room I had given myself whiplash by slipping on some  ice?

(Now I want to move to someplace cold even more! But whiplash? Really? Not a busted wrist or bruised butt? What did you do, rear end yourself?)

7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid,  or a baby? 

Definitely a baby!  I love  babies!  Babies & I have secret communications.  If a baby looks  at me it will always smile.  Maybe I just look  funny?

(I have that too!!!!! Babies love me… and dogs… never trust someone if babies and dogs don’t like them!)

8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick  Cheney ever did? 

Who is Dick  Cheney?

(You know, creepy guy, he was the vice president of the United States during our ‘glory’ years, he steals people’s hearts to stay alive, invades other countries for no reason, single-handedly took away our moral high ground by institutionalizing torture, has a man-sized safe in his underground lair, shot his friend in the face while hunting for birds that can’t even fly and then somehow made the guy he shot apologize to HIM on national TV, and is generally just a scary, blood-sucking agent of darkness… ring any bells???)

9. What is the worst thing that you ever did? 

My little sister was always a miser with her money.  When I  was 12 I got caught shoplifting, so I stole her savings so I could run  away.  But I got caught & had to give the money  back.

(Hey, somebody finally answered that question. Thank you. We forgive you.)

10. If you could have dinner with one fictional  character… including cartoons… who would you pick? 

Indiana Jones – I think the conversation would be fascinating  about all the adventures he had!

(Umm… I have a hat just like his)

11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a  barbecue, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring  yourself to kill and eat the cow? 

No, I could kill the  cow before I starved.

(Okay, calm down, it isn’t a race, you don’t get extra points for going first, you aren’t even hungry yet… sheesh)

12. What one word describes your blog best? 

Humorous.

(How long did it take you to come up with that one?)

13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your  family for if they declared their undying love for you? 

No.  Celebrities are just people.  Behind all  their glam & everything they still have all the same faults as anyone  else.  Plus putting up with paparazzi?  Not in this  lifetime!

(What??? Celebrities are people??? I knew Soylent Green was people, but celebrities? That is just sick and wrong)

14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny  things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I  actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that?  And can I have a picture of you? 

I would be okay with  you doing funny things to my photo as long as I was totally  unrecognizable.  The whole reason I don’t post pics of me & my family  is because of a stalker, so I wouldn’t want to start that whole thing again by  being recognizable.  I would have to hunt for a pic of me my stalker might  not recognize before I would give it to you.

(Well that sucked all the fun out of that idea)

15. What makes you cry? 

Any  animal in pain.

(Awww… that is sweet… now make them stop showing those commercials of abused animals where they ask for donations right in the middle of my Andy Griffith Show reruns… and also those commercials of the starving kids, and the ones of all those medications with the scary side effects)

16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or  dead, who would that be? 

My first reaction was to say  Hitler, but he was too insane to even take notice if I had the  opportunity.  So my next choice would be Osama bin Laden – because he has  changed the world I live in & not in a good way.

(I would also have accepted Dick Cheney… wait… how can you know about bin Laden and not Cheney? You people up North really do live in a giant plastic snow globe, don’t you?)

17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me? 

In person, you might be a bit annoying (you know the whole  crack squirrel thing would probably drive me nuts), but thousands of miles away  – I like you just fine!

(Ha… you said crack squirrels drive you nuts… and that was hurtful… I don’t talk about my cranial squirrel infestation all day long to people in real life… it just works on the blog because I can blame them when things go horribly wrong… like that time I got kicked off WordPress for 4 days when my spam joke went of the rails)

18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able  to do? 

I don’t like the circus so I don’t think  there’s anything I’d like to do.

(I bet Kelvin would like it if you could juggle while doing back flips)

19. Which drug side effects from those TV commercials  disturb you the most? 

I love when they start listing  side effects & they slip in DEATH in such a casual way.  Yeah, I’ll  take that drug right away!

(But it cures migraine headaches!!!)

20. Who the hell do you think you are? 

I think I’m an intelligent, literate woman with a good (if  somewhat dry – think Monty Python sometimes) sense of humor, a lot of life  experience who is a good friend and an excellent  listener.

(Umm… I have a whole scene in the third sci-fi novel with an alien who only speaks Monty Python… every line is a line from a sketch… and that is how I got Eric Idle to Tweet me back and I asked him how I can get permission to use that chapter… seriously, I have to slip a plug in somewhere)

21. Now tell us why we should follow you…  

Because I’m cute!

(But since you won’t let us see a picture of you, we only have your word for it)