*Legal disclaimer* This post contains images that you may never get out of your head. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. In fact, because the content I am about to share with you is so unsettling, I am going to start off with pictures of me petting cute dogs on that day we went to San Francisco to see little Willy and John and Eva, to give you a chance to bail out and thereby save yourself from mental trauma…
I may have mentioned once or twice that dogs and babies love me. Do not trust people who dogs and babies don’t like. Dogs and babies are very particular, and will never steer you wrong…
These pictures were taken when John took us to their favorite beach near the Golden Gate bridge. We were waiting for Willy to wake up from his nap. I made friends with all these dogs over the space of just a few minutes…
I don’t just mean that friendly dogs like me. I mean that dogs who bark at people or bite people will come up to me. I am that good. And that isn’t to say that grown up people don’t like me. They do. Most of the time. Although I might be an acquired taste. A little bit of me goes a long way. Here is me bonding with my daughter’s boyfriend at my mom’s house. Just sharing the Christmas love. Making him feel at home and part of the family…
I am really much taller than he is, but I crouched down to give him the full hug experience. Doesn’t he look thrilled?
Okay, you have had time to change your mind and close this page and go somewhere else.
I tried to warn you.
This is your last chance.
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
What you are about to see is true. Even the names haven’t been changed to protect the innocent. My family has a tradition of giving funny gifts at Christmas. For some reason we started giving each other pajamas. I think this all started when I and my three brothers were very young. We were so excited on Christmas morning that we never bothered to stop to put on pants before running into my parent’s room to start opening our stockings and presents. We just showed up in boxer shorts or whatever. It never occurred to us that this might be considered weird… Until I got engaged and my future wife spent her first Christmas with us. And the boys all showed up at the Christmas tree in their underwear. Hey, don’t judge us… it’s tradition!
So now we joke about how we invented the ‘pants optional’ Christmas. And a lot of years, someone will give my brothers and I some jammies… just to make sure we do not revert to our old ways. Because nobody wants to see that happen.
This year my brother Jack and his new wife, Pearl, could not get time off to join us in the Bay Area. But to keep the tradition alive, they sent our gifts… full on feety jammies!!! How they managed to find them in almost the right sizes is beyond me. Must be the magic of the interwebs. I, as I have said many times, am 6 feet 4 inches tall and have size fifteen feet. And my fetty jammies almost fit me.
This is your last warning.
Turn back before it is too late.
Okay, you asked for it…
From left to right, we have:
My brother Sid, sporting some leopard spots and looking a little like a super hero who has seen better days.
My nephew Alex in a lovely snake skin motif. He looks like a commando at a sleepover.
Sigh… yeah… that is me in the horizontal stripes. My ensemble came with a sock monkey patch and sock monkey feet. The monkey hat, which you may remember from the first picture in this post, was a separate gift and did not come with the jammies. But hey, what can I say? I like monkeys.
And last but not least, my Brother Henry. He is Alex’s dad and he is the one who is in the band with me. And is he rocking the zebra stripes or what?
So there you go. I hope this image will not be burned into your soul for all of eternity, but I did try to keep you safe.
And can I just say that feety jammies always make a good gift. They are warm. They are comfortable… well, mine were a little snug, but… and when you put them on, they make you feel like a little kid…
And boy, are they flattering…
Pouring My Art Out 
Roflmao!!! I LOVE feetie jammies I have a pair.. penguin….. that my daughter bought me for Christmas one year.
Mine are a little snug… size 15 feet… but do you have a matching penguin hat???
LOL! No I don’t. mine are a little snug too. but I wear them anyways.
Good for you.
OH and I checked your daughter’s blog! Excellent Blog! good luck to her.. and you too of course..
Thanks. She is a clever kid.
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I’ve done my part. Where the heck is BTMOA?
She is not a follow-througher… but thanks.
Frère Jacques, frère Jacques,
Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matines! Sonnez les matines!
Ding, dang, dong. Ding, dang, dong
Lather, rinse and repeat.
Are you just mocking me?
Just passing the time while skewing you.
Don’t stop…
No matter how many times I hear that from so many, I never get tired of it.
Just tired
My cross to bear. Sigh.
Stay away from cross bears.
99 bottles of beer on the wall; 99 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around; 99 bottles of beer.
98 bottles of beer on the wall; 98 bottles of beer, etc
No drinking on the bus.
The wheels on the bus go roungd and round, round and round, round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round, etc.
Not on my bus they don’t.
Shakin’ it here, Boss.
Now eat 50 eggs and call it a day.
The spell check doesn’t work as nicely in Firefox. Must be one of their own. It works quicker, but the dictionary is slimmer.
It has been dieting
You’re gonna owe me big time. July 15. Don’t forget. Should I send some suggestions? Not likely H will remember me. She’s going to be gone for 3 weeks like we should care. Light the cigars and break open the Cognac. We won’t have to share with her. She didn’t share any of the Cuban cigars I’m sure she is smoking after her little trip. Didn’t even give us a thought. She’s lying back puffing out smoke rings as we speak.
You are private, but you share your birthday, a bit of info needed to hack accounts… interesting…
Hadn’t considerd that before pulling the trigger. Perhaps you can delete. It’s just us here, but who knows. I know when I google my username comments from one specific blog do come up. Don’t know why just that one. Could have to do with the frequency of replies to that blog. Thanks for looking out for me, though.
That is what I do.
Thanks. My ‘duh?” moment.
Never a duh moment.
I do have to get up and go to church tomorrow.
Why, do you run the place?
I’m running low on guilt.
Free refills.
The things we do for love.
Love is a many splendered blind thing that means never having to say you are sorry…
While feeling free to be abused with impunity.
Don’t be insensitive.
Or incensed?
No burning stuff in the house.
Happy now? Actually I as looking for this earlier this evening to show my wife your pics. Had to settle for those look-alike photos from the Bay.
Hello, Mrs. Forehead! How are you?
She says that you, H and me are like the Hardy boys and Nancy Drew.
Can’t we be the Scooby Doo gang? I’m Shaggy.
She said your beards not shaggy enough to be Shaggy. Hard to argue that.
It grows,,,
She just expressed her desire to be know as “green-eyed lady” and not Mrs. Forehead. After decades of experiential history, I strongly recommend complying. One husband to another, digress at your own risk.
I like the sound of that anyway. And much better than green-skinned lady…
Shades of your alien fixation. Are those lenses green by chance. Shades. Lenses. I kill me.
Not quickly enough… bam!
After seeing those photos, I’m following you. Forever.
Oh… right… the pj’s… I forgot all about those… sigh… Well, welcome aboard. Don’t wander off without a guide, some rope, snacks and water… a knife… flint and steel… and clean underwear…
OMG, you’re brave posting those pics. Too funny seeing grown men in one piece PJs with feet and everything. Maybe there’s a Tall section in stores selling PJs only special people know about. That might be how you got a pair that almost fits you. Or is your brother’s wife an excellent seamstress?
Great pictures btw. You look like you were all having fun 😀
I am telling you there is stuff down there in my old posts that will blow your mind.
LOL, I’ll save them for tomorrow. It’s almost midnight here so I’m signing off!
ok
Very attractive! How can you unsee something like this?
Bleach… wash your brain or drink it… either way…
I am now scarred for life. Thank you.
I tried to warn you. I should have put up a sign that said ‘you must be this crazy to go on this ride’.
holy shyte…your even weirder than i am…..now tidy up your room……..
That was Mollie’s side… and.., oh, never mind…
If Santa has not finished himself off after this, he has no shame…..
You don’t shoot the messenger…
Horizontal “strips” huh? Your Freudian slip is showing.
Maybe I should fix that… or maybe not.
Yes, the boyfriend looks pleased. And, the feety jammies are great! Because you are so brave as to post pictures of yourself in them, the next step is to wear them while rocking out with your band. 😉
We should all wear them. That might be… eye catching?
Eye catching. Yes.
Ha!
So it was YOU who invented “Pajama-Grams!” Now I know who to report to the international courts and the Hague! 😉
What! No Bunny Slippers? Aw!!!
Great fun site. You are to be commended (and possibly committed). 😀
You are not the first to suggest any of those things, but thanks.
Next year you need PJ’s with a Squirm of Worms pattern.
I may have to have those custom made.
BWahahahahahahahahahaha! Snort. Gasp. Chuckle. Titter. TeeHee. Choke. BWAhahahahahhahahahaha! Sniff. Gulp. Gasp. Oh my god. That has by far got to be the funniest thing I have ever looked at this early in the morning…which is saying something because I prefer NOT to do mornings…ever…but I would totally do mornings more often if I were guaranteed things like this. Now I need to go wipe the tears out of my eyes, blow my nose and change my undies…laughing that hard at my age is a damp experience.
That maybe the nicest thing that anyone ever said to me… in a weird sort of a way…
I honestly don’t know what to say…….
I know what you mean… sigh…
Va-va-voom. Sexy! 🙂
I was not expecting that reaction… but thanks!!
ahahah that’s funny.
also hugging the boyfriend!
I should have hugged him while I was wearing the jammies, because that would be a good picture.
that’s what i was thinking, and he should have been in some!
Now you are pushing the limits of good behavior… behaveoir… behavoir… morals…
pft
sigh
snork
I can’t top that.
you’re right
Hey now… don’t get cocky…
you’re right, i shouldn’t
Pride goeth before a foul… or something.
oh it can be foul!
Or a fowl…
are we talking football?
I hope not.
good me too!
Then we are on the same page…
yes
Well… I am flipping ahead a few chapters so I stay a few steps ahead of you…
okay
pft
Ha!
😉
I am so turned on, you have no idea.
That may well be the funniest thing I ever heard, not that I didn’t hear those words when I was younger…
Oh my piggy eyes! Please don’t tell mommy where they got that. She’s been looking for a onesy sock monkey outfit for me. Rolls eyes – there is no way I’ll look as hot as you. Snort – XOXO Bacon
Some day you are going to have to explain your love of pigs, you do realize that, right?
I love this post! I love the sock monkey, I love the brothers, and Alex is such a cute kid. Your family must have had a wonderful time.
You aren’t even going to make fun of me???
I haven’t been reading as much as I’d like to because I’ve been working too much so I am easing back into it, man. You are funny and genuine and just and, as used to be said, good people. I’ll wait for a more opportune time to make fun of you.
That is fair enough.
Elroy is just being considrerate. It would be cruel to abuse the socially challenged and disadvantaged. Fun, but cruel.
She is a nice lady.
When you get tired of them (or a new pair next year), can you mail them to me? I love sock monkey. I teared up actually because I want to be a sock monkey one day and I didn’t realize my dream was so close to real.
I am just here to make dreams come true.
This is wonderful news to me.
Sure… for you… I can’t make my own dreams come true.
Maybe you’re just dreaming someone else’s dreams.
Well then they are one disturbed individual, I will tell you that.
When i was very young, as in before we differentiate mentally, I wanted to grow up to be a dalmatian on a fire truck. It still looks pretty desirable to me, except for the deaf part. I really like music.
My God, what am I doing on this blog? Is my life so void of purpose, meaning and companionship that I have sunk to this level? The rapture can’t come soon enough. Damn those Aztec’s and their bogus calendar anyway. How much longer shall I have to endure egregious self-inflicted misery such as this: A guy?, or more accurately, biological entity, that dresses like a sock monkey, and a grown woman, wife and mother who longs to be a sock monkey. And I’m worried about past fanciful musings from my life as a toddler. Lord have mercy. Forgive them Father. They know not what they do. Calvinist depravity epitomized.
The best thing about being here is that nothing lasts too long to survive it. I cover a lot of ground. There is something for all tastes. Pehaps you could tell what you like. Mean pictures of Dick Cheney? Ninjas? Original music? Stories of near death experiences?
Well, I don’t know about something for “all tastes”, but certainly something for those of no taste.
A jackass and a manure spreader can cover a lot of ground too. Initially the smell may be overwhelming but if the crap falls on fertile ground something good may sprout in time. Even a blind sock monkey in Ray Charles sunglasses can sniff out a banana given enough time. The question becomes, how much value do we place on our time; that one undeniable resource that there is so little of. As we lie on our deathbeds, will we be ruefully saying, “if only I hadn’t spent so much time on Art’s blog. Waiting. Can I last that long and survive it? What would I like? The time back it took to compose and post this comment.
I’m calling in your marker:
You will laugh at my antics… That is my solemn promise to you… Or your money back… Stop on by…
Keep the money. I’ll take the time back.
Well that is just hurtful, and more than a little true. But nobody wastes more time here than me, so it all evens out in the end.
As if. If only there were an end. Hope springs eternal….
You are here because you can identify. This is a safe place to share. Tell me more about the Dalmation. Is it black or is it white or…would you say a bit of both?
Safe place to share? With the inmates running the asylum? I dunno………
Okay!
Dr. Spivey: “Well, the real reason that you’ve been sent over here is because they wanted you to be evaluated… to determine whether or not you are mentally ill. This is the real reason. Why do you think they might think that?”
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
Well, he was white with black spots and he sat waaaay up on top of the fire engine with his red fireman hat on and he was the biggest and mostest bravest and kindest and courageous of all the dogs in the entire fire department and everybody petted him, and fed him and loved him and wanted to be his friend and take him home and sit next to him in class and in the lunch room and play with him on the playground all the time and choose him first for teams instead of last but then nobody did and he was so lonely and hurt and rejected and small and fragile and…. Uh, never mind. I think I have to go pee now. Excuse me.
Nurse Ratched: “The best thing we can do is go on with our daily routine.”
I think I’ll go do that now. Bye!
I once had a judge make me have an evaluation by a shrink… the shrink wouldn’t say I was crazy, but he wouldn’t say I wasn’t either… how does that help???
Not really.
Ha!
Indeed.
I have lost control once again… sigh
I think she’s the insidious one. The enemy crawling in under wire in the dark of night, her very presence obscured by enveloping, choking clouds of flaming stealthy beaver smoke. She comes in patronizing and offering mock comfort and understanding solace for our pains and then kicks our guts out, stands over our broken bodies and stabs the maple leaf standard into our chests and while crowing Oh Canada victoriously. Then she wrests control of this precious haven of rebellion, home of the enlightened and forward thinking and spouts her dogma in an attempt to mislead the true believers that follow you. She dishonors the memory of her heritage, of French general, Comte de Rochambeau and his gracious response during the surrender of the English at Yorktown.
YORKTOWN, VIRGINIA October 19, 1781 – In a stunning reversal of fortune that may signal the end of fighting in the American colonies, Charles Lord Cornwallis today signed orders surrendering his British Army to a combined French and American force outside the Virginia tobacco port of Yorktown. Cornwallis’ second-in-command, Charles O’Hara, attempted to deliver Cornwallis’s sword to French general, Comte de Rochambeau. But Rochambeau directed O’Hara to American General George Washington, who coolly steered the British officer to Washington’s own second in command, Major General Benjamin Lincoln.
Copyright© 2004 Twin Cities Public Television.
How quickly they forget.
As Cornwallis’ 8,000 man force became prisoners-of-war, the British band played the The World Turned Upside Down, a tune that underscored the strange turn of events which had brought defeat at the hands of the provincial forces of America, to the most powerful country in Europe.
Copyright© 2004 Twin Cities Public Television.
“Yet let’s be content, and the times lament, you see the world turn’d upside down”
I study military history… I know all about the surrender… and that is one thing we must never do… not to her… I will not be defiled or deflowered by either a flaming beaver or a maple leaf!
Now, let’s not be too hasty on the “deflowering” part.
Ha… too late…
My eyes are burning! My gosh, the horror!
You need to read the fine print… although that may be hard from now on.