Why I want Conan the barbarian to come to my house for Christmas…

You all know I love that big crazy barbarian. But you may be asking yourself why I would think it would be fun to have him around during the holiday season. Well let me break it down for you.

In the first place, Conan is always ready for any adventure that involves chopping. So you know he will help you get a really good Christmas tree…

a1Also, I think that Conan would really rock the Santa look…

a2Ho ho ho indeed.

And from a guy’s point of view, I bet Conan would give the kinds of gifts that a man really likes to get…

a5Oh Conan, you are so silly. That isn’t what I meant and you know it. My wife isn’t going to let me keep that. You do like your little jokes…

a4That’s what I’m talking about. Much better than that ugly sweater with the red reindeer nose that actually lights up that I got from… never mind…

So go ahead. Put a little barbarian in your festivities this year. Liven things up. You don’t have to sip your eggnog from the hollowed out skull of a foe you crushed under your heel. But don’t be afraid to try something new or let your emotions show. Let the wild part that is inside all of us just a little closer to the surface. And live your holiday like you mean it…

a3Merry Christmas Conan, wherever you are.

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Okay…. you caught me… this is also a recycled post. In fact, it is recycled twice now, because I did it back in 2012 and used it again last year.

Posted in Conan the barbarian, My art, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Oh yeah… I just remembered I told you I would share some pictures of my new ‘shameless self-promotion’ t-shirt…

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Okay, it is a lousy picture. I am back-lit, so you can’t see me… or the shirt very well… (It says ‘Ask me about my books’)… but I guess you should remember the picture from the post I did about it when I was doing the layout. And I just got out of the shower and my hair is standing up like a hedgehog. I lays back down as it dries, just so you know.

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And the back says: ‘Yeah, I write books…’ with pictures of my books…

Hey, I didn’t say the pictures would be good ones… I just said I would share them.

 

Posted in Pictures of me | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments

But, WordPress, dentists and polygamists just aren’t all that funny…

If you are like me… and you should thank your lucky stars if you aren’t… you frequently find yourself scrolling down the ‘humor’ topic-page-wall-thingy… whatever you call those places where WordPress sticks your posts due to which tags you use. I suppose it is inevitable that people misuse their tags. I do it on purpose quite a lot. Because it’s funny. I like sticking random tags like ‘free porn’ on posts, just to distract perverts from spending all their time looking at naughty pictures… and because hey, their stats count just like everybody else’s. And if you ever get really bored, try tagging any post as: ‘sitting on the toilet’, because on the popular wall-thingies you get bumped down pretty darn fast, but I had a post that sat… (oh, delicious irony)… on top of the ‘sitting on the toilet’ page-thingy for weeks… (And no, it wasn’t a weird post or anything, I just thought I invented a new form of multitasking by using my electric razor to shave my face while I was sitting on the toilet whilst… doing something else. This did save me time, but like many of my ideas, it sort of went off the rails. Learn from my mistakes and do not try this… or you will end up with your underwear filled with itchy, scratchy little hairs, and that is nowhere near as fun as it sounds)…

I suppose it is also inevitable that companies are going to use WordPress to advertise.

But is anybody else getting sick and tired of scanning the humor posts and seeing all the posts put up by ‘Discover Dentists’??? (Sorry, that Discover Dentists is supposed to have a registered trademark after it, but I don’t see a button on my keyboard for the little R in a circle… why is there not a button for that? I would use that on everything I type)… I don’t know how to break this to you, but dentists are not funny. Even I have only done one or two posts about dentists, and I can make anything funny. That’s what I do. As for ‘finding’ dentists… well, that is even less funny than actual dentists.

And as long as I’m on the subject of stuff that isn’t funny but still ends up on the humor-topic-page-wall-thingy, can we make that guy who does all those posts about polygamy go away? I admit that it is clever that he does them in multiple foreign languages and even brail, but still…

Posted in stuff about blogging, thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Some silly homemade Christmas ornaments, a great wrapping job, and a Santa tiki… yeah, I said a Santa tiki…

What, you don’t have a hand-carved Santa tiki???

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Yeah, I have a Santa tiki… well, my wife does, because I gave it to her for Christmas last year… no… that isn’t the only thing I gave her.

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And on my Christmas tree, I have little bears made out of cookie dough. My kids baked them when they were little… but I added the tie dye outfits…

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I also have a Cat in the Hat ornament that I made. I drew it, cut it out, inked and colored it, and mounted it on wood…

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And I made this cute little mouse in a present picture that is inside a clear plastic ornament. I should have taken a picture of the back, because it is the same picture but from the rear…

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Now the pictures up above are from a post I did last year, but the next few I just took. What reminded me of this post was taking a picture of the present that my 15-year-old daughter just wrapped for me…

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She likes to wrap gifts in a way that conforms to their contours… and no… I don’t know what it is… I also don’t know why she added the word ‘poop’ to it. I guess the obvious thing is that my kids might be almost as weird as me. I will be sure to share some pictures of whatever it is when I open it on Christmas…

a 1 a 2But taking the pictures under the tree reminded me of the post I did with the ornaments I made, and because not all the ornaments make it on the tree every year, I looked, and sure enough, I spotted some that I missed in that other post…

a 1 a 3I know, I really went with the tie dye theme during that cookie dough project. The glass one is a fun project that families can do together. You just buy the clear glass ornaments and then pour paint inside them and swirl it around.

a 1 a 4Anyway, thanks for sharing a little Christmas art… and love… with me.

Posted in Stories of my life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Hey ISIS…

You have been experiencing an insurrection lasting more than four hours.

You should immediately call your doctor to avoid permanent injury.

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Ho ho ho…

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Okay… that was a cheap shot… and I feel horrible about it… and also incredibly ready to unwrap some gifts…

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Life… and death… imitating art…

I think we should send a news crew to North Korea to interview Kim Jong Un and ask him why he was so upset about us doing a comedy movie in which he is assassinated during an interview… and while they are there interviewing him… they should kill him… just sayin’…

Posted in thinking about stuff | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments