I am now a security officer…

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I told you I was embarking on a new adventure. I have been undergoing training to become a security officer. I have been cleared by homeland security and the FBI. I know how to arrest people, frisk them, watch out for terrorist activities, do patrols, fill out incident reports, deal with hazardous chemicals, fires and natural disasters. I will wear a uniform.

So, I can now add security officer to my other list of accomplishments and titles…

Blacksmith

Tiki cvarver

Author

Artist

Glass Blower

Sailor

Minister

Scottish Lord… or Laird…

World Traveler

Professional Babysitter

And many more.

I will fill you in on how my job placement goes in the days to follow.

Oh, and I found one more photo of San Francisco, taken as my wife and I were leaving the Bay Area after our recent trip to visit my mom.

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I don’t think I shared that one with you yet.

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Wait, I have some ideas for making the summer Olympics more exciting too… part 2…

Quadruple pairs synchronized diving. I know, we are going to need wider diving boards… but still… picture them revolving around the center point like a human pinwheel.

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Wait, I have some ideas for making the summer Olympics more exciting too…

So far the response from the athletes has been very positive on our trial runs… except the comments from those who were mauled, of course… those weren’t really very positive at all… but you can’t please everyone. And the tigers seem to be enjoying themselves…

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Making the Winter Olympics more exciting… part 4…

Sure… why not… everybody loves the Zamboni…

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We just need to put it on the ice at the same time as the ice dancers.

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Making the Winter Olympics more exciting… part 3…

Polar bears… going for the gold…

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I’m not sure what the correct number of polar bears needed on the half-pipe snowboard course to make it more exciting is. We could start with five… and see how it goes.

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Making the Winter Olympics more exciting… part 2…

Because curling really needs to be a little more exciting…

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All we need are a bunch of fuses that burn for random lengths of time.

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Making the Winter Olympics more exciting… part 1…

Anybody can jump off a big ramp on skis going a hundred miles an hour…

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But what if they had to slalom around pits filled with burning gasoline afterwards? I would watch that.

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Let’s filter a possum… the final chapter…

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Okay, that is enough playing around with those possum pictures I took. It is time to get back to… uh… whatever it is that I do around here. It is hard to find funny things to say when there is an asshat in the White House, the gun lobby and politicians are promoting mass murder, and all regulations have been removed from the corporations that are destroying the planet…

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But I am sure I can come up with something. I have crack squirrels living in my head!

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Goodby, Mr. Possum… or Mrs. Possum…

Release the crack squirrels!!!

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What if we all got together and donated money to pay politicians more than the NRA gun lobbyists do?

Maybe that would spark some movement in the right direction.

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Let’s filter a possum… part 4…

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Okay, I swear, I am almost done with the possum filtering thing…

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But this time I used the most boring photo of that possum that I took.

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And yet, these still came out looking like works of art.

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It’s like the filters just make up colors.

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Okay, that one looks like the love child of a ferret and a porcupine.

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Uh… I guess they really do sort of look like that… a little.

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