Congratulations! You did it! You became a world-class douche-nozzle, a life-sized human phlegm statue, a vile, despicable, low-life piece of swamp vermin! Good job!
Now we can get into the actual lesson plan for how to get away with all the reprehensible things you are going to do to your fellow man.
The first thing to learn… and this is crucial… is that, if nobody says anything, you have already gotten away with whatever it was that you just did. I mean, sure, it might come back to haunt you later, if it is caught on video, or, if I am wrong about the whole ‘religion’ thing, there is a very real chance that you will end up burning in hell fire, or whatever your idea of karmatic justice is… but for now, just keep doing what you are doing, or walk away… or continue to milk a pair of microphones, or stir two martinis with black swizzle sticks, or whatever.
You have taken your first step towards pure evil. You deserve a martini.If your vile deed does come back to haunt you, you will be better prepared for it if you keep reading this series.