Remember when I sent one of my intrepid reporters… who also happened to be one of the crack squirrels that live inside my head… out with a night vision camera to find out what Trump does in the darkness of the night? Yeah, it turned out it was about what you would expect… dressing Chris Christie as a woman and riding him like a horse…

Counting his money…

Eating live rats…

Sexy time with hookers of dubious legal immigration status…

More sexy time with one of his many clones…

And… okay, we never did figure out exactly what that was…