I think I did it… I have written a rough draft of a query letter to send out to literary agents. I really need an agent in order to get published by a big company. Self-publishing is fine, but too slow for my plans of world domination in this lifetime. If any of you would care to read it and give my you honest opinion, I would really appreciate it…
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Dear (literary agent)
I would like to submit the first book of an action/adventure/humor science fiction series about a human janitor at a Texas-style bar on an alien space station who ends up saving the day when alien space pirates show up on a hijacked cruise liner. The novel is called: The Saloon At The Edge Of Everywhere. The series is called; The Otherwhere Chronicles.
Arthur Blacke might be the least likely hero of all times. He is over 50, lazy, opinionated, self-absorbed and completely without ambition. When his weekly poker game is interrupted by space pirates, he leads a ragtag assortment of misfit humans and aliens on a daring mission to rescue the hostages and finds, much to his and everyone else’s surprise, that he has some unexpected talents. But mostly what he has are brave and loyal friends, a whole lot of luck, and an advanced piece of alien technology left by the ageless race that seeds life amongst the stars.
My credentials for writing this novel are not numerous, and will not bore you. I have been determined, by psychological evaluation, to be blessed… or cursed… with access to only the art-side of my brain, and therefore am unlikely to run out of story ideas. Also the main character, not to put too fine of a point on it, is me. I think this gives me a keen insight into his personality.
The first four novels of this series are already written. Two have already been self-published. The third is being edited now. I have also written and illustrated a children’s book called; I Like Monkeys, and have a murder mystery set in World War Two London that is also being edited. I have had short stories published in a couple of anthologies.
I have a moderately successful blog; pouringmyartout.com, where you view some of my humorous writings, poems, songs, and stories of my life, which I have kept interesting so as to add even more depth and detail to my imagination.
I would be delighted to send a copy of the manuscript for review. Please feel free to contact me at any time that is convenient for you. I have enclosed a self-addressed envelope complete with stamp.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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I tried to make the qualifications part funny. To maybe catch their eye. Because really, what qualifications can a person have for writing humorous action/adventure science fiction?
Pouring My Art Out 
I would love to help you out and offer advice, but this is where I fail as a writer. I cannot for the life of me write a query letter. I fail miserably.
isn’t failing miserably sort of a redundancy?
Nah, you can always fail with a good attitude and a positive outlook inspiring you to overcome whatever obstacle is causing you to fail. When it comes to queries, I fail miserably.
I have learned a valuable lesson
I guess I’m good at some things
thank goodness
Trent’s version is the ticket. IMHO.
It is mostly the same as mine but goes on about the blog longer… and I am not sure it will still fit on one page… but I do agree it is good
User 10 pt type. that’ll reduce it the size 🙂 But really it’s a great idea to find an agent.
I need one… I am all over the place
That would be…um… the cracked squirrels…um or you?
we work together
Clever. deniability.
I am that good
You must be. It’s an art, Art.
I am very Artistic
okay. I can’t stop laughing. Thanks for more inspiration, from the squirelles.
that is what I do
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I think it says everything it needs to, and hopefully they will get back to.
Can I make a suggestion?
“I have a moderately successful blog; pouringmyartout.com, where you view some of my humorous writings, poems, songs, and stories of my life, …”
I think would be better as:
“I have a moderately successful blog; pouringmyartout.com, where you can view some of my humorous writings, poems, songs, and stories of my life, …”
Also, check your emails
ok… thanks
I like your letter and Trent’s. Can’t really decide which is better, but I’m leaning toward Trent. Good luck with your efforts!
thanks
From what I’ve researched about finding agents, you will want to find out what their submissions guidelines are first. Some agents want the manuscript. Other agents want a synopsis. Even other agents want the first 10,000 words or so. Following them demonstrates your capacity to read.
Also, writing the letter itself illustrates your qualifications. Forming complete sentences is hard. I know I have a hard time doing
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Also make sure that tou follow the guidance if that agent or publishing house you are querying.
thank you again
You can look up Janet Reid, literary agent. Her blog actually talks about querying and she gives examples.. Good luck!
thanks so much
Your welcome, Insha’Allah your book is picked ;).
Goof Luck!!
Goof luck? That might be the funniest Freudian slip of all time!!!
I also like Trent’s suggested edits. My only real criticism is the very first thing you said in your letter: “I would like to submit….” You would not “like to submit.” By virtue of this cover letter you are submitting…. Perhaps something like, “Along with this letter, I am submitting my first book of an….” You know what they say about being passive.
No… this is a query letter to ask if you can send a five pound manuscript… they do not want unsolicited novels showing up… and I like his changes about the blog but I am very limited on space… one page only.
It’s great that you are getting feedback since it is often so difficult for us to sell ourselves. We tend to short change ourselves. Trent has your back and seems to be good at this. Best of luck, Arturo!
thanks
I like Trent’s edit, might change one or two small things about it but they would only be preferential since I have no personal experience in this type of writing.
It needs to fit on one page is the problem
mmmm yep, that will take a bit more effort
right
Cool.
ha
Got me reading it to the end. I think you are onto a winner.
yay, thanks
I like Trend’s rewrite. Good job
I would, however, change this FROM: I have enclosed a self-addressed envelope complete with stamp.
TO: I have enclosed a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
gotcha
The publishers get thousands of letters. A good first hook I think is essential as otherwise they will go on to another one. I think Trent does that. I bought your book on kindle and look forward to it. Best of luck friend!
yay…. and thanks so much
Had to get your book I enjoy your writing . You make me laugh.
now I am blushing
Good one? Two ? Three?
Leslie
testing testing… sibilance…
The Saloon At The Edge Of Everywhere: Book One of The Otherwhere Chronicles.
Arthur Blacke might be the least likely hero of all time. He is over 50, lazy, opinionated, self-absorbed and completely without ambition. When his weekly poker game is interrupted by space pirates, he leads a ragtag assortment of misfit humans and aliens on a daring mission to rescue the hostages and finds, much to his and everyone else’s surprise, that he has some unexpected talents. But mostly what he has are brave and loyal friends, a whole lot of luck, and an advanced piece of alien technology left by the ageless race that seeds life amongst the stars.
In the tradition of Douglas Adams, The Saloon at the Edge of Everywhere explores the largeness of the universe through the every-man. As the first novel of a series, I have plotted out and written the subsequent three novels. The attachment contains Book One.
As a testament to the audience I have already developed, I have a well-read and very popular blog: pouringmyartout.com, where you will find my humorous writings, poems, songs, and stories of my life. You will also see my ability and willingness to communicate with my readers, through items such as a single post that has almost 40,000 reader comments. My blog as a whole has over 130,000 total views.
I look forward to hearing from you regarding the attached manuscript. Please feel free to contact me as convenient. I have enclosed a self-addressed envelope complete with stamp.
(((My edits, deletions/additions above. Less whimsical and possibly less you, but I love the summary and wanted to highlight it, and you want to stay brief. Query letters for novels come with the novel these days, rather than just a query, so you should grab some submission guidelines and format your manuscript accordingly)))
Nicely done, Trent.
T-nert
I have been cautioned against comparing the book to any well established authors… sounds vain and hard to live up to. But other than that I love the additions.
There’s a fine line there, between being vain and giving an agent a point of reference. I’ve read the first book, I think you have the right to draw the comparison, but that is just my opinion.
That is very kind of you to say, but they haven’t read it yet… I am already breaking a lot of the rules.
No I don’t think you are. I think you need to grab an agent’s attenion. Comparing your style to Douglas Adams works, that’s a very solid point of reference, will intrigue the right agent. Just my opinion though.
but would my Idiot’s Guide To Getting Published steer me wrong???
Only if you’re a cow.
bull
and should I combine the first two novels into one query letter since they are both finished? And do I send a manuscript instead of just copies of the book??? ahhhhhhhhhhh
I would just do one novel and indicate that the others are already written. Get them to concentrate attention on volume one, but given them the upside of knowing that others are already written (and therefore you’re a good sale). I would also send a manuscript, properly formatted per submission guidelines, it’s what they’ll be expecting. I don’t think an actual copy of the book buys you anything.
got it and got it… thanks
I know nothing about this stuff, but it seems like a good effort.
thanks