This one was called: Random things you should know…

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First of all, as a speaker of the English language, which I assume you are if you are reading this blog, you ought to be aware of one basic bit of information. That is, of course, the origin of the word ‘crap’. If you do not know why it is called ‘taking a crap’, then your education is not yet complete. Here, in a nutshell, is the answer to this baffling question.

This is a photo of the first modern toilet as we now know it. I am aware that the Romans had working plumbing and toilets 2,000 years ago, but this is the gravity-flush system that pushed us, in a comfortable sitting position, into the modern age. And now, a closeup of the water tank…

That’s right, it was patented by a Mr. Crapper. I only mention this bit of history because I want you to consider what your life would be like if this inventor had had the same last name as you. It could be called ‘taking a smith’, or ‘taking a jones’, or in my case, ‘taking a browne’, which would be sort of funny. I do not know who Mr. Shit was, but if I ever find out, I will let you know.

You should also know that I once owned the cutest dog ever to be born. I am sure many of you have or had a cute dog. But Cassidy was cute both inside and out…

She just had a way about her. I wish I could tell you every story about this dog. We have a dog now. Her name is Shiloh, and she is awesome and adorable and smart. But Cassidy was a character. She used to get mad at me if I left without taking her with me. Then she would sulk by running away. But not just random running. She would do something crazy just to get my attention. Once, she managed to sneak into a restaurant where a friend of mine worked without being seen. She stayed there over night, and ate all the bread. Another time we got a call from the Albany racetrack. They said our dog was running around the track and it was making the horses nervous, so could we please come and get her.

This dog had more human friends than I did. Whenever I took her for a walk, people would say, ‘oh, are you the person that owns this dog? She comes over for a snack every day’. It turns out that Cassidy had a whole route through my town where she scratched at doors and got treats from people. I could go on, but I am tearing up. I miss that dog.

Here is one more thing for you to know. We all took a big family trip to Florida once, to see Disney World and Epcot Center. We ended up one day having lunch at the German restaurant in the international food pavilion. They have a sort of dinner show that repeats all day long, where they pick people out of the audience to participate. My brother, Sid, turned out to be a pretty good knee-slapping dancer, but it was my mom that brought the house down. She got picked for the yodeling contest. The thing is, my mom has been singing opera and classical music for years. She has one of those strong, high, quavery-sounding voices. Trust me, you have never heard anything like operatic yodeling. My mom is now the undisputed operatic yodeling champion of the world.

Okay, thank you for letting me get that off my chest. You can all carry on with your lives now.