When you go to the park to sell your crack… you know… like you do… try following these simple steps.
1. Dress like a clown.
2. Get some helium balloons.
3. Tie the little bags of crack to the strings of the balloons about halfway down… or up… the string.
This will help you in a few ways. First of all, as a clown, you will have an obvious reason for hanging around in a park all day. You won’t look quite so suspicious. When your customers want to buy a bag of crack, you just sell them one of the balloons with crack tied to it. But make sure you leave the crack bags off about half of the balloons. That way, you can sell balloons to kids and their parents and make a little extra money. Oh, but make sure you charge more money for the crack balloons or this is a horrible business model.
The most brilliant part of my idea is this: If the cops catch on, and they start to approach you, you just let go of the balloons… and they will float away with all the evidence.
Here is a handy illustration… you know… in case your reading skills aren’t up to the task of following my instructions…
Okay… maybe at this point I should mention the fact that I am not really trying to make life easier for crack dealers. I am trying to make life easier for me. Because what is happening now is that crack dealers are hiding their little bags of crack in holes in trees and in the bushes at parks. And squirrels, being the inquisitive and hungry creatures that they are, are getting addicted to crack… I am not making this up… crack squirrels are a real thing… I know, because somehow, while I was sleeping a few years ago, some of them crawled inside my head and took up lodging in the empty space in there.
Yes, I freely admit that I like having them there. They increase my blogging output exponentially. In fact, I’m pretty sure that they came up with this idea.
Pouring My Art Out 
What, you don’t like your squirrels stoned? I thought they were crack squirrels?
I don’t want there to be a continuing supply of new crack squirrels
Who knew this would become such an issue? I believe you because I have found plenty of alcohol bottles (large and small) in the woods and parks. Not that I frequent these places on my own looking for alcohol bottles, but I have definitely found some. Poor squirrels.
If they could chew their way through glass, there would be drunk squirrels all over the place too.
Your advice almost seems like it would work, if I were someone who knew anything about selling crack, which I’m not. I just peddle the occasional blog post.
Well, I think my idea works as humor… hopefully not in the real world of crack dealing.
You had me going…I think I’m still believing this, kind of. Yeah, parts of my brain are that naive, others not so much.
Like much of what I do here, it almost seems to make sense.
Also, can you spare a little crack? It’s, um, for the mayor of Toronto. Promise.
Try shooting down some balloons…
Also, stop giving crack dealers good ideas!
sorry… but that one cracked me up
Don’t lie. They pooped inside your head, didn’t they?
they do do that doodoo
LOL!
thanks
Brilliant!
Thank you muchly.
🙂 Bwa haa haaa haaaaa .
wiping smirk off my face… in all seriousness though, um that is a good tip… but on the other hand them crack dealers can just stop selling the stuff …!
well that would be the best answer