I have been toying with the idea of writing a travel book that tells people all the best places to stop and use the restroom. This idea originally came up when my wife was pregnant. Something about having a tiny human dancing on your bladder makes pregnant women poor travelling companions. They keep wanting you to stop. And you know how picky women can be… ‘wah, I don’t want to use the bathrooms at the T and A truck stop, they are disgusting.’
Combine this with the fact that we drive from San Diego to the San Francisco Bay Area at least 2 or 3 times a year, and you can see how this idea evolved. We have tried a lot of restrooms in our day, it is hard not to do a comparison in your head. Because rest area restrooms do get a lot of use…
And the thing about driving half the length of California is that you only have two choices of which way to go… the coast, which is beautiful… but is also a winding, two-lane cliff road, which is good for views but bad for kids that get car sick, and takes a lot longer… or the central valley…
The central valley, also known as ‘the big yellow part of that map right up there’… hey, I just noticed the map I got off Google has conveniently included cannabis eradication sites, so I guess garlic, grapes and fruit aren’t the only things growing there… is long, full of bugs, and boring as hell. It is also either very hot or very cold. And it has tule fog… pronounced toolie… that is scary and dangerous to drive in, even for a kid born in San Francisco.
Anyway, I took these pictures on the way back from the Bay Area, as sort of a trial run of my ‘Roadside Restrooms of California’ travel book. If the idea works out, maybe some publisher will pay me to travel all over America and find even more places to relieve yourself. How cool would that be?
There are two places in the central valley that have become out favorite rest stops. We sometimes stop there even if nobody has to go to the restroom.
The first… well, depending on which direction you are going, and this time we were driving back South… is:
Split Pea Soup Andersen’s.
It is located in Santa Nella… you know, good old Saint Nella, patron saint of clean toilets and split pea soup… You know you have arrived when you see the big windmill. There are actually more of these in California, but that is for another travel book.
This place is quaint and charming, the food is good… if you want to stop and eat… and the restrooms are always clean.
It has a nice Scandinavian vibe… and the air-blowing hand driers in the bathrooms are like freakin’ jet engines.
So say hi to Hap-Pea and Pea-Wee… and go wee-wee.
The other place we always stop at is Harris Ranch…
I took a picture of the sign, but the sun was right behind it and you can’t read it. Harris Ranch is located across the freeway… that is the 5 Freeway… the one that runs down the length of the valley… from Coalinga. Now, as a free bonus, I will tell you how Coalinga got its name: It was a stop on the railroad way back when. There were two siding where trains could fill with coal… coaling B and coaling A… they turned coaling A into Coalinga. You’re welcome!
Harris Ranch has awesome steaks…in fact, there is a huge cattle ranch right next to it… a fact which you can’t miss, because there is nothing like the smell of a huge cattle ranch on a hot, windy day, trust me. But don’t eat there if you are in a hurry. It takes too long. And you can order their steaks online, or visit their nice store right inside and buy steaks and put them in a cooler. Harris Ranch is also a nice hotel, if you need to stop for the night.
Okay, that’s it then.
I leave you with some random pictures of the sunset in the valley…
And the sad truth is, the central valley is one of those places that is actually more interesting to drive through in the dark.
Sorry, central valley.
Pouring My Art Out 
Here in Canada our Central Valley is called Saskatchewan!
Is that a native word for central valley?
Not so much – the province was named for the river that runs right through it & it means swiftly flowing river. The river is the only thing is Saskatchewan that flows quickly though & except for in the north is flat as a pancake with nothing but farm fields for miles & miles!
river valleys tend to get that way sooner or later
Ha! My son has it in for Indiana these days. I bet in terms of boring, Indiana has it hands down over Central Valley! You should hear him go on about it. It is very funny, you would appreciate it. You know what Wisconsin has going for it? It’s not in Indiana!
I’ve been to Kansas…
I’ve had a similar idea, but mine is based around pub toilets (not pub as in public toilets but as in bars) I suppose you could do one on public toilets but they already exist for gentlemen looking for something extra with their toilet break. Anyway, I am a stickler for nice pub toilets and feel someone should be rating a pubs loos aswell as their beer and food. There are some pubs I don’t go in purely based on their disgusting toilets.
There is a famous hotel in California that has a famous men’s room. The urinal is like a big rock waterfall. We stayed there once. A busload of Japanese tourists… including women, came in and took pictures while me and some other guys were using it. I might be famous in Japan now.
Oh lordy…! 😀
yup
Brilliant! A travel book about rest stops and pee-pee stops!! Why didn’t I think of that? Maybe because there are no crack squirrels living in my brain? Not sure. 🙂 Funny you should mention jet-engine dryers in restrooms. OMG. While traveling to take my kiddos to their respective colleges we did a lot of stopping along the way. I honestly lost my hearing they were so loud AND the skin on my hands peeled right off from the force of the air!! Next time I am carrying ear plugs and gloves.
I love the new flat ones that wring the water off your hands with sheets of air.
You should definitely do a “Pee Stop” travel guide. Everyone I know would by it. You could travel the world discovering Pee stops. This is a very important issue for everyone, not just women. It needs to be done and you are just the guy to do it.
I would love to if somebody will pay me.
Since I have a bladder the size of a pea….I completely support your Roadside Restrooms book idea 🙂 Brilliant, fun AND useful. I will pass on the split pea soup though.
Wee all need to take a pee, but we don’t all have to take a pea.
Is there any significance to the fact that the highways on the map are marked with the same color as major cannabis eradication sites?
well… yeah… it’s California!
Probably explains why Central Valley is more fun at night.
yeah… that’s it…
Central Valley should apologize for being so boring.
yeah it should