I have made no secret of the fact that my head is infested with crack-addicted squirrels… I know you think I just make this stuff up but there are crack squirrels out there. It is because of the fact that human crack dealers like to hang around parks. Parks offer convenient places to hide their big bags filled with little bags filled with crack rocks. They keep just one little bit of crack on them at a time, and go back to their hiding place once they sell that rock. The thinking is that if they don’t have the drugs on them, then the police can’t charge them with possession with intent to sell.

If you watch a few episodes of ‘Cops’, you will see that usually one of two things happen. Either the policemen look around long enough to find the secret stash, or the drug dealer has actually been under surveillance for a while and the cops know exactly where the drugs are hidden.

But the police don’t catch every single crack dealer. And even when they do they don’t always find the hiding place. So all around this country there are big bags filled with little bags filled with crack rocks stuffed into holes in trees or under bushes. And guess what? Squirrels are naturally curious animals that are given to chewing and nibbling on things. And they are always hungry. They have fast metabolisms. So naturally they find some of the stashes. And they do what squirrels do. And some of them enjoy the feeling they get after eating a few crack rocks. I mean, you would be surprised how much a squirrel on crack can get done in a day.

Well once they have become addicted, it isn’t hard for them to find more crack. There isn’t a shortage, and foraging for stuff is what squirrels are good at.

Now I am not quite sure how the crack squirrels got into my head in the first place. My assumption is that squirrels on crack don’t sleep much. So they tend to wander around at night. And during one of these nocturnal ramblings, some pesky crack rodent stumbled upon the perfect place for crack squirrels to live. After all, there is plenty of extra room inside my cranium, and it is dark and warm. And there is plenty of stuff for the little varmints to do… like driving me crazy coming up with weird ideas for blog posts and stories and poems and songs and other art projects.

But so far, despite all my posts about these semi-lovable little intruders, I haven’t really introduced them to you yet. So today is now officially ‘International crack squirrel Day’!

Say hi to Dave. He seems to be the ringleader. He drives the bus… so to speak. And I guess he must be a fan of Cheech and Chong, because whenever I try to ask him a question, he always replies by saying:

“Dave? Dave’s not here.”