I have had it pointed out to me that my new Disneyland pirate hat might be mistaken for the tricorn hats now being used as a symbol of the Tea Party. Like the beads, fake dreadlocks and bandana aren’t enough of a clue…
I don’t care. I am still wearing it all the time. If anybody ever makes that mistake and accuses me of being one of those… people… I will get all piratey on their asses. I will shiver their timbers, make them walk the plank, keelhaul them, maroon them, and then I will get angry.
But other than the fact that I have no actual interest in boarding and looting ships on the high seas, I think I would make a fabulous pirate.
And now that I have the hat, I wont need to rely on Photoshop trickery to make me look like a pirate. Well, I still will, but it wont require so much work on my part… Now that I have removed the Disneyland backgrounds from those two pictures, I can just paste myself into any background I want.
But being a pirate is more about attitude than about headwear… although a nice hat does help… And I will be a good captain. I promise I will share all the treasure we manage to plunder…
And I promise not to kill you if we have to bury it. Because I trust you that much. Also, I will never let the dead guy steer the ship…
Because that is just irresponsible captaining.
So come on, mateys. Let’s set sail for some adventure on the high seas.
Pouring My Art Out 
As a pirate you look like Gary Oldman!
Everybody says I look like somebody… I have that kind of a face.
yo ho, yo ho , a pirate’s life fer me ……..
Now you’re getting in the spirit!
yep. gonna get me a hat. 😀
We all need those before we can do any pirating.
Tricorn hat? I thought it was a diaper 🙂
Are you calling me a poopy head???
No – just a pirate with a nappy on his head.
You are harshing my vibe…
hee hee – all in kindness pirate man.
Okay then…
You should use some of that Photoshop trickery to give yourself a tan. Nobody likes a pasty pirate.
Don’t nit pick…
You have nits, too? Ewwwww…
I use them with my wit… get it?
Booooo.
A little early to be playing ghost, isn’t it?
Just warming up.
Well good job.
I think I’d trust the dead guy on the wheel… He seems safer than you…
I am an experienced sailor, just so you know. I was in Sea Scouts and the U.S. Navy.
Sea Scouts? I think you just made that up. And the Navy? Is that like the Navy base I grew up next to – in the middle of the desert?
Look at the pirate pictures… I still have the tattoo…
A Sea Scouts tattoo? That’s weird!
Navy… you just have to Google Sea Scouts… it played a big part in my best near-death experience story… as told in a great post I did…
Gah! First you want me to Google something and then you want me to read things too. My goodness. That’s asking a lot.
So you just come here to look at the pictures?
Sometimes. Yes. Your pictures are hilarious. I guess I read your tweets too. But, more than that seems like work…
Work is how we get stuff done…
I don’t like your new hat – it looks too slouchy to be a pirate hat. I didn’t even know what it was until you told me.
Deal with it!
I get sea sick..yeah that it sea sick…where’s the rum?
That goes away in a week or two.
nooo
Usually…
Well, you have the sailing experience, the hat, a potential crew of about 1240 – all you need is a ship. Hmm, would it be too weird to do a Kickstarter campaign to buy a pirate ship?
Hey… you are on to something there…
Argh. Sign me up, Captain. But if you make me scrub any decks, I’m going to be first in line for a good mutiny.
I will make you scrub the poop deck!
Warning, I tend to smear when I scrub… But aye aye captain. I like the suggestion of getting together to buy a pirate ship. I would contribute. But it needs to be heavily loaded with rum. Trent need rum.
And guns for a broadside…
Hey, who you calling broad?
It was more like I called you wide… which might not be better…
scrub away!
Argh. I get all the messy jobs. And not a tankard of ale to show for it.
We don’t even have the ship yet.
You don’t need a ship to drink ale. Just saying. Argh, I’m sensing that the captain hereabouts is a might spendthrifty.
spindrifty
will a kick in the @$$ do?
You are now first mate!!!
me?!
Yes… keep them scrubbing.
whchee! *whip* sound!
Whip it good!!!
i remember that song! lol
I hate that song.
y?
Just do.
It might have to. I’m okay with that.
We have a cat-o-nine tails…
Can I get its tongue please? Sort of a delicatessen hereabouts. Plus you drum a mighty hunger when scrubbing poop decks. I said poop.
That was a lot to take in all at once.
Oh sigh. Fine. If you must:
That’s what she said.
I bet she didn’t… HA!!!
okay, i’m happy to oblige
You are too nice. Come on, we’re fellow canucks! Can’t we just gang up on Art?
Okay you’re right get him swabbing!
You just lost the first mate job… You might still make powder monkey…
pft, to late muteny..
Wait till I start a mutiny on your blogs…
bring it!
Oh… I will… in my own good time…
i know
Yeah… you do…
i should probably learn how to spell the word..lol
That would be a good start. Also waiting until we have the boat might help… because I can just not tell you where I moored it and you couldn’t very well have a mutiny then, could you?
what if we already had a boat?
Then you are a bad sharer…
well ya i’m a pirate
You really don’t get the whole teamwork idea behind piracy, do you? A lone pirate is nothing but a thief.
they’re thieves alone or not
But as a ‘crew’ they are more efficient and get a lot more loot.
Also, it takes a lot of people to sail a sailing ship… that is why you don’t see pirates rowing around by themselves very often.
uh huh
Do not condescend to me…
uh huh
That’s better…
It’s mutiny, I tell ya. Mutiny!
yes munity, is he swabbing? Take his hat!
Off with his hat!
Arrrr matey! We’ll let him keep his sunglasses so he doesn’t miss a spot!
It actually might be better to give him a full face mask.
Now you are just being mean… I don’t want to play any more…
Some captain you turned out to be…
Some crew you turned out to be.
All you had to do was provide us with liberal quantities of rum and ale, plus some occasional swordplay and booty. That’s not so much to ask, is it?
This must be the quickest mutiny in history.
It will definitely be the most widespread mutiny in history… geographically speaking.
Just like you to find the positive in all of this.
Send me money for the boat, then show up and help get it ready, and THEN stage a mutiny… just some helpful advice… because I could just not tell you where it is anchored, and that would make your mutiny a little silly, wouldn’t it?
Mutinies are NEVER silly.
And yet you managed it.
And from the confines of the brig no less.
Very impressive…
The impressive part is that I didn’t use my hands or feet…
That explains a few things.
Land ho, Captain!
We don’t want land ho’s… we want sea h… oh… wait… I see what you mean…
I’m not entirely sure that you do…
Maybe not, but does it really matter?
I dunno. Does any of this really truly matter?
Only to us… or maybe me… but I hope us…
I’m with you my man.
good.
That could work, but make him pay for it
I could use a face mask with you two backstabbing skunks in my crew.
Isn’t that what pirates do backstab? We are being good pirates
No… real pirates will kill to protect a treasure, or steal a treasure, or just for fun. They do not mutiny just because they are given a few chores to do. Pirates are the first people to come up with group health insurance and workmen’s comp. They made a list of how much gold you would get if you lost a limb or an eye doing your duty.
i’ll let you beleive that
I don’t make this stuff up.
I like the way you think.
Why thank you!
We all like the way you think… it is such a laid back, don’t hurt yourself approach to thinking… HA!!!!!
Kind of like Jack Sparrow?
Yes… just like that…
I like Jack Sparrow
Well I stole his hat.
pft
That’s what he said… ha!
You have been demoted from cabin boy to the guy who bails out the bilges…
Are you sure you want me in there? I don’t actually know what a bilge is.
It is the lowest part of the ship where stinky water from leaks and… other things accumulates. Don’t worry… we will give you a sponge… and a title… bilge rat.
I’m honoured, my Captain. I am glad to see that you have regained your authority. It must be the hat. Sorry about the stink in there.
You made me captain for a reason… now throw you know who into irons and prepare to cast off.
Argh! It’s conspiracy is it? What are you offering, Captain? Have you some mead to offer?
I have made mead. The maid will serve the mead I made. You know half of a captains job is knowing how to avoid mutinies.
And the other half is…?
A good swagger, the ability to find loot, and a cool hat.
I should really quit my job shouldn’t I.
As bilge rat?
That too.
You need to work your way up.
Jesus. There’s an up around here?
The crow’s nest…
I got your spot…
there’s another
Hey there…
I am taking my hat and going home… ingrates…
That’s “pirates”. Your spelling is atrocious.
Ingrates is a real word… I didn’t make that one up…
You touch the hat and you are swimming home…
whatever
You say that until the sharks show up.
dinner!
Yes… you are…
no they are
No they aren’t.
You might be jumping the gun a little here.
It’s better than walking the plank.
You might end up doing both.
Mutiny will be dealt with harshly…
The Captain is a tyrant. Round up the maties and let’s meet on the poop deck. Bring your cutlasses and the good rum. This Captain has no clothes.
I keep the cutlasses and rum in a locker… with all the guns… so good luck with that.
Off with yer hat!
Try it.
I need a new chamber pot…
Why… you always miss anyway… no sea legs…
It’s not the sea that’s the problem, my man.
Oh…
You go, girl.
snap ha pft
Don’t try getting back on my good side now, mutinous wretch!
what good side…where’s the rum?!
I can’t stock the galley until you send me money to buy the boat… you are having a mutiny in your own minds.
rum?
They sell that in stores… even in Canada… look behind the maple syrup…
ha yes to the rum, real maple syrup is expensive
More expensive than rum?
possibly
wow… no wonder we invented artificially flavored syrup…
yep
yup
And don’t forget to clean in the cracks on the poop deck… HA!