Sorry, I got impatient. I know I was going to let you help name this series, but I am ready to start and you took too long. So without further ado, I give you, my Tweets:
——————————————————–
*I don’t tell you how to live your life, but you are doing it all wrong…
*Let’s all chip in and get Santa something nice this year…
*If your god tells you to kill people to make a point, get a new god…
*Frankly scallop, I don’t give a clam…
*Pandas, zebras, skunks, penguins, why do all the black and white animals taste so bad?
*In an octopus’ garden… is that a euphemism for something naughty?
*All we are saying, is give pizza chance… sing it with me now…
*I don’t mind living in a yellow submarine… but do we all have to live in here?
*And maybe fools shouldn’t live on hills…
*I tried to look at all the lonely people, but they seldom travel in groups… that’s why they are lonely…
*Take a sad song, and make it better… it works for Weird Al…
*Baby, I’m amazed…
*If Sgt. Pepper married Dr. Pepper, who would outrank who???
*See, I already knew how many holes it took to fill the Albert Hall…
*Everything’s better, down where it’s wetter… people, I’m, talking about under the sea…
*I am going to use the Postal Service to mail cans of Spam to everyone I know on the interwebs. That should confuse the crap out of people…
*A sense of humor and no filters… I am a dangerous combination…
*My brain does not bother to tell me what it is going to do next, I am just along for the ride…
*I love a woman with a little barbarian inside her… wait… that sounded wrong…
*Nobody ever kisses anybody who keeps a stiff upper lip…
*Don’t be a life-sized human-shaped phlegm statue…
*Piss me off and I will climb you like a crazy gorilla on a really short tree…
*I took a fat hooker out in a rowboat… that was a tough ho to row…
*I am going to write a book called the Adventures of Snarky Numnums. I hope it ends up being a children’s book…
———————————————–
No, that isn’t all of them. I have thousands of them. So sit back and get comfortable. I sort of like Twitter because it is a challenge to be clever in so small a space. Oh, and if you spotted all the Beatles references, you get ten bonus points…
Pouring My Art Out 
hey now, don’t get smart with me young man….I’ll get a switch! lol
Well… that is sort of what I do here…
still, there is a line….
sorry… my crack squirrels snorted it… ha!
lol u win!
I always do.
if I don’t let you win, you never stop commenting… 😛
I never do anyway.
have you been having an acid flashback…pulling the legs off of beatles??
I must admit….your diet of Pandas, zebras, skunks, and penguins is surprising to me, yet healthier than eating black and white animals that live next door to you!
I can only eat black and white cows too…
those are real oreo’s with milk….you leave them alone!!!
Of course Oreos are on my diet… and escimo pies…
eskimo pies are made of reindeer poop…have at it! but stay away from my oreo’s, every time you eat one oreo cow a crazy cat lady dies!
Is there a down side?
Dang, you’re tall…
I can’t help it.
I read part 2 before part 1…can decide which one had me laughing harder…”Piss me off and I will climb you like a crazy gorilla on a really short tree…” , I need to use this one more often, hahaha…thanks for making a good day into a hilarious one:D
I have actually said that to people who made me very angry… And I’m six feet four inches tall, two hundred pounds… size fifteen feet… If you say it with a serious voice, people will probably listen.
Hahaha…I believe it!! I will try to remember that with my 5 feet 2 inches TALL 125 pounds self!
Note to self: “Its all in the voice.”
And eye contact… and attitude… but it does help if you are looking down at them when you use that particular line…
Well then, that won’t be a problem, most people I come across are under 5 feet tall…I’m all good…;)
So you live in the Shire?
hahaha Frankly scallop I don’t give a clam Ha! I love that one!
Thank you.
10 Beatles references in a row? I had no idea you were such a Beatles fun.
More like I get stuck in a rut now and then… but yeah…