Goodbye, Paris… (or); random pictures of me petting a dog, my mom, and Napoleon… no… wait… I don’t mean I was petting my mom or Napoleon… and some other stuff that I couldn’t fit into any of my other posts about this part of our trip…

a paris 1 2Even on that last day in Paris when I was so exhausted, you know I still found the energy to pet cute dogs… because that is how I roll..

a paris 2Awwwwwwww… that is a cute picture of me and my mommy!

a paris 3Oh yeah… sitting in a café waiting for the food to arrive…

a paris 4No… she isn’t grumpy… that is her; ‘I am going to sit here and drink my fancy beverage… you all go along without me and don’t forget to pick me up on the way back’ face…

a paris 6Your generic ‘bridge over the river Seine’ photo…

a paris 7That is a happy grandma, taking her granddaughter to Paris for the first time.

a paris 9I don’t know why the picture is blurry in middle… or why peeing baby statues are a thing…

a paris 10That is one last awesome view of the ceiling in one of the rooms at Versailles… left over from my hilarious ‘Lifestyles of the rich and French’ series, where I taught you all how to live like French royalty… it is also a fantastic view of my mismatched nostrils…

a paris 11Speaking of Versailles… I think that Napoleon… who is pictured above crowning himself Emperor… and who was actually a man of the people, being in no way born to nobility but rather a poor Corsican family… decided that there was no sense wasting the palace of Versailles and decided to move in. I base this on the fact that there are a lot of paintings about him in there.

a paris 12And in one of the back sections of the palace, there are a lot of paintings of his famous battles… and I study military history… so I took some pictures…

a paris 13I don’t know if these were hung while he lived there or not.

a paris 15But I took the pictures…

a paris 16And there is no sense letting them go to waste.

a paris 17He never did manage to get rid of that itch under his coat, did he?

a paris 19I took these two pictures through the old windows in part of the palace at Versailles. Did you know that glass is actually a liquid, and slowly begins to run as it gets really old?

a paris 20See, you are learning stuff now.

a paris 21And one last picture of St. Chapelle… go there… and submerge yourself in the colors. That is it for France. Join me next time for our adventures in Germany.

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The day that Europe kicked my ass… the final chapter…

My legs felt like cooked noodles… we had been all up in that Eiffel Tower and all around it too, tramped through and around Notre Dame and St. Chapelle, and then blitzkrieged Sacre Coeur and Montmartre… but there was one more dream on Mollie’s Paris wish list…

a 1No… not the Arch de Triumph… although that is an adorable picture of me and my mom…

a 2And the arch is impressive…

a 3But she is a 16-year-old girl… so it is what the arch resides over that drew her like a moth to flame…

a 4Yes, it’s the Champs Elysees, arguably the most famous high-end shopping district on the planet.

a 5It is also really long… and really crowded… and it was still hot even as the sun began to drift towards the edge of the world… and, because it gets dark so late in Europe in the summer, it had been a really long day…

a 6But when your kid has a dream, you do what you gotta do… and besides that, our other daughter had put in a request for a certain shade of Chanel nail polish… which I am fairly certain you can get in the United States… but then you can’t tell people it was from Paris… so… yeah…

a 7…more walking…

a 8As an historical… and perhaps hysterical… note of interest…  the central boulevards of Paris are laid out wide and straight for a reason. I think it was Napoleon III who began the process, and it wasn’t just for looks. He wanted his soldiers to be able to move around quickly to quell any rebellion by the populace… you know how the French like their rebellions… and so that his cannons could line up and fire grape shot to sweep the streets quickly of those pesky, revolting commoners. Now that is some civic planning.

a 9Uh… if I had known we could rent those, I wouldn’t have done so much walking that day, dang it!

a 10I think that says; “I am your father”…

a 11My feet, by this time, felt like cooked sausages that were swelling to the point that they were about to burst out of their skin…

a 12But even my mom was getting in on the act…

a 13No, that isn’t a Parisian getting an early and overly-enthusiastic start on the wine tasting… or a lady having a seizure… that is a gypsy beggar. The funny thing… if this is indeed a thing that is at all funny… is that every single block on this long boulevard, and on many other streets in Paris as well, had a gypsy beggar woman in the exact same position on the ground… all clutching their little cups full of change. I mean, some of them were better at it than others. You could really feel the waves of  despair emanating off of some of them. Others seemed to have fallen asleep in the warm sun. I could do a whole post on the Gypsy situation in Europe… the kids that beg in the train stations… and so on… but that is what Google… and travel… is for… to learn stuff.

a 14At long last we were done with our epic adventure, and had taken a taxi back to this little neighborhood near out hotel where we ended up poking into the cheese shops, butcher shops and bakeries and getting the big boxes full of pastries, all of which I showed in an earlier post. It was a glorious day, but Europe really did kick my ass… and the next morning we were leaving for Germany… but I do have a few random pictures of Paris to share before then.

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Speak no evil…

a 1 a 3Seriously… just shut your mouth…

a 1 a 2Okay… that’s much better… I think…

a 1 a 1I really have let Donald Trump supplant Dick Cheney as ‘the guy I most like to mess with in Photoshop’ haven’t I?

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When the whip comes down…

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The day that Europe kicked my ass… part 10…

So where did you go next, I hear you all clamoring inside the quietude of your own craniums, on that crazy day in Paris that wore you out so badly, Mr. Browne?

a 1Why, we went to Le Sacre Coeur, thanks so much for asking… and no, don’t bother trying to pronounce it… even the French can’t do that.

a 2Sacre Coeur is a lovely little church perched on a hill above the city of Paris. You might remember it from some of my earlier Paris posts, hovering off in the distance. I have been there once before, and I thought I might actually make it inside this time…

a 3

By now it was midafternoon, and all the walking and the heat were really starting to get to me…

a 4But the thing is… hey, we haven’t had a ‘thing’ in this series yet… that down there at the bottom of all those steps, is Montmartre…  a famous shopping district… and my wife and kid were all over that like perfume on a French hooker… I mean… uh… so to speak…

a 5On the way down all those stairs… which we would have to walk back up later… we saw this guy. You should Google him. He is all over U-tube. I have never seen anybody do the stuff he does with a soccer ball… or football, to be correct in the European sense.

a 6This is just the grand finale of his act. He didn’t do all of it hanging twenty feet in the air. Most of the time he was just balancing on a narrow balustrade. Seriously… Google him. Anyway, we left my over-ninety-year-old mom sitting on the steps watching him and off we went…

a 7Down many, many steps…

a 8I have to admit, I do like Montmartre. I was here about ten years ago with my older daughter… there are posts about that trip way down in my blog somewhere… and this is where I first learned about the chocolate and banana crepes.

a 9This is not shopping like on the Champs de Elysee… which we will get to in a little while… sigh… This is like cheap souvenir stores and cute, artsy little shops and all kinds of weird stuff. It is really a fascinating neighborhood.

a 10And if I wasn’t such a classy guy, I totally would have bought that shirt.

a 11After another hour or two of walking around, we had to trudge back up all those stairs.

a 12By this point, I don’t think I was smiling all the time anymore in between the silly selfies.

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Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssorry, Donald…

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Trump trumps himself…

The fact that Donald Trump can get on national TV and basically call a gay woman a ‘fat pig’ and then get cheers from the audience says a lot about how little we have progressed as a society in so many crucial ways.

America, you are better than this.

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The day that Europe kicked my ass… part 9…

a 1

Do I look happy in that picture? The simple truth is that I am an artist before and above all other things. I am all art-side-of-the-brain. And being in St. Chapelle was like being in a dream that all artists have. I am not at all religious anymore, but this was almost a religious experience… like I was in a heaven made just for artists…

a 2There is an upper and lower floor, so if you look back on all the pictures I took inside St. Chapelle, you will see that some of the windows are very tall… that is the upper room… and some aren’t as tall, and that is the lower level. The picture above is the upper floor. These windows soar into the sky.

a 3I wish I could explain the way the light and the colors dance around you. You could be inside St. Chapelle every day for the rest of your life and it would never look the same twice.

a 4The light moves across these windows… flashing through jewels and gems of vibrant color…

a 5The ceilings on both levels are done in these sweeping vaulted arches and painted a dark, royal blue. The stars are all painted by hand and might be actual gold.

a 6It really is as if the night sky is coming alive above you. I can only imagine what it must be like when there is a colorful sunrise or sunset outside those windows.

a 7The windows tell stories.

a 8The detail and craftsmanship are incredible, even way up above where you can barely see it anymore.

a 9The light and the colors surround you… you are a fish in a world full of prisms and rainbows…

a 11The colors are like looking at a really cool tie-dyed shirt through a kaleidoscope… on acid… I mean… uh… not that I have any idea what that would be like… or anything…

a 12There just really aren’t words to describe this magical place.

a 13You just need to go there.

a 14

Squint your eyes and let your mind go still…

a 15And while you are squinting, twirl around like an excited little kid…

a 16Feel the colors… get lost in the light…

a 17But keep your voice down… this is a place of worship, for cryin’ out loud…

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The day that Europe kicked my ass… part 8…

I am just going to share some photos of the inside of St. Chapelle… which seriously might be the most beautiful building I have ever been inside of… with no interruptions for funny observations or comments or stories… but I don’t want you to think my title for this series is an exaggeration because it was now just after noon on our last day in Paris, and between playing King Kong on the Eiffel Tower, and then walking all around and through Notre Dame and then walking here… all on a really hot day… I was starting to feel really old by this point…

a 1a 2a 3a 4a 5a 6a 7a 8a 9a 10a 11a 12a 13a 14a 15a 16a 17

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Remember when I made like 60 copies of that picture I use as the top bar image for my blog… the one with just a close-up photo of my face that mostly just shows my sunglasses… and then I spent hours using Photoshop filters on each copy… and then posted them one right after the other?

a 1 a 1

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