That is because I made him up. I am he and he is me and we are we and we are all together… and I am unanimous in that! He is a complete figment of my imagination. If you go to: http://trentlewin.com/ all you will find there is another blog that I started under an unlikely and totally fake-sounding made-up name.
Why did I do this?
Because I wanted to write some edgy stuff that wouldn’t fit well on this more-or-less-family-friendly blog. But mostly, I wanted to experience the vicarious thrill of being a Canadian.
I know… it’s a little weird… sort of like finding out that you want to dress in women’s cloths or suddenly vote republican. It is strange and kinky and intoxicating. Sometimes, when I was alone, I would put on my Mountie outfit with the big hat and just walk around thinking about maple syrup and beavers and moose.
My wife began to get suspicious. I got so caught up in the whole ‘being Canadian’ thing that I started to say ‘eh’ at the end of my sentences for no apparent reason.
Well, I am out of the closet now. I think there will always be a small part of me that is Canadian… a really small part… because it is cold up there… (HA… oh man… I kill me)…
Pouring My Art Out 
You do know we have indoor heating right?
I do not know that
Ok, so if Trent is just your alter ego, he’s not an actual minion. Does that make me your head minion?
First I better figure out whether or not I made you up as well… I mean, I am sure you feel real to yourself, but I am really good at making up characters…
It would be certainly interesting to know how many of your followers are actually real 🙂
almost none of them
Nah, you’re made up too. Remember?
No. It’s not part of my program.
change the channel
It’s not part of my program either.
I don’t even have a program
You don’t have a program to have a program.
the program was cancelled… after being moved to the Monday night slot…
Well, I dunno. I distinctly remember someone nudging against me in the moments before Art’s brain spewed me out into a bedpan.
It could be anyone of 2000 other minions. Maybe it’s that deeply conservatively religious one.
That guy was a wanker.
a canker on a wanker
Um… family blog, right?
oh… right
But a deeply conservatively religious one.
That’s what I just said.
exactly
HA!!!
uh oh
I can’t argue with that
yeah… follow along
In fact, we may be twins. Birthed from the same sodden mass of drooping brain tissue, spat upon the world with the guile and subtlety of your average tiki carving.
That’s not how my mother described my birth.
I love the part in my first novel where The Warlord gives birth…
Where he splits off his kid?
exactly…
Do you have any pictures, X, of your youth? Any memories? Do you play the piano? Did you watch a spider get eaten by its young? Have you, X, watched sea beams glitter off the shores of Orion? What if Art is your mother????
Yes. Yes. Yes*. No. No**. No***.
*badly
**but I watched sea beams glitter of the shores of a bunch of other places.
***Art Browne is not my mother, but Art Vader is my father.
You just broke my brain.
again
Sorry. Maybe some scotch would help. (either in tape or liquid form)
he needs to sober up… he has a novel to edit
I think he left to do just that.
alrighty then
I’m want to run up the count to 33,000
you can always comment to random people… or reply to old comments
I did that too, but I have to do some non-blog things too.
me too to two tu tu
Liquid, solid or gas – I’m not picky.
no… you are not
But not the tape form or the plasma state, I bet.
I have heard of tape worms… but not tape forms
It’s a tape forms of scotch. Much less nasty than a tape worm, but you don’t want either inside of you.
what if a tape worm drinks tape scotch?
I think it will feel really flat in the morning.
HA!!!
I like to mingle. A nice supercritical fluid has the form of both liquid and gas. I would imagine it would improve the absorption characteristics of my choice of sin.
please keep your supercritical fluids to yourself…
oh yeah
Luke I am your father, and your mother, and your nephew…
Wow, you really get around Art…
I used to
ain’t nothing average about my tiki carving!
Wait, THAT’S the part you object to????
yes
This is hurting my brain trying to figure out what is true and what isn’t! The crack squirrels have invaded my head!
I am like the flu of blogging.
It’s all true! It’s all true! Sob. Art here. I’m currently urinating at a prodigious pace while carving tikis and composing a song… oh and wow, even my urine – gently sprayed upon the warm California sands – has created a tasteful nude portrait of a crack squirrel. I created this Trent Lewin character to show that I too have a manly, rugged, ultra-cool Canadian side to me, and while I’m really sorry that I fooled y’all like that, at least I have reconfirmed my ability to be both funny, insightful and completely deranged.
Yeah… what I said…
That’s what I said.
I said I said it and I did say it…
The Canadian part of you is the one who despises Dick Cheney. After all, Dick Cheney is as American as mom and apple pie. 😉
I will never eat my mom’s apple pie with the same enjoyment again… thanks…
Art is Dick-lite.
I think we can word it better than that.
Art is Dick-less.
this is how nasty rumors get started.
Dick-loose?
sigh
Hee hee hee…
whee
Nice Beaver. Plus I love maple syrup….and I kinda wanna rub the moose…..
I am not sure what that would do to my PG rating…
Lol – I’m a little disappointed that Art didn’t reply to your beaver comment “Thanks, I’m just about to have it stuffed.” I think it’s amazing that Leslie Nielson was Canadian, they are such a humorous bunch of people.
Half of our comedians are imported from there.
The good half (joking)
we know what to do with them better.
Not half!
no… all of them
How can you be so sure? Got any proof?
yes
TFTW, It must be too early for Art still…..
I never go for the obvious answer… do I?
He’s still getting his Naked Gun on……
Quick Draw
Quick Draw McGraw
naturally
Um, Mr. Nielsen, while awesome and all, is hardly the pinacle of our comedic domination.
Don’t make me come down there.
uh… security!
Is that me?
oh… right… please protect our borders from insane Canadians who may or may not look exactly like me.
What about insane Canadians who look nothing like you? Are they ok to go through?
We will take it on a case by case basis
Technically you don’t have to come down here, you just veer off to the right (or left depending on which side of the Motherland you reside in). You do have a truck load though – you dominate the comedy world!
technicalities
Technocratnitpickingtalities
I like that word
Is it getting warm in here?
I know, right.
Are you inviting me to go streaking with you?
Not in so many words
You don’t have to say the words to me, baby.
I can use the hand gesture?
Please stop doing that.
ha
Ha!
HA!!!!
I’m not sure I believe you, Art. You’re just not “Trend-y” enough.
I just haven’t messed with my head minion enough lately.