More crazy stuff the crack squirrels living in my head make me type on Twitter… because a well-crafted tweet is a sweet treat to eat…

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*Is this where we sign up for the free mental health evaluation?

*Hey, if I wanted your opinion, I would be on some sort of public forum where people say stuff and… wait… crap…

*If acting our age is just acting, we can act any age we want, right?

*Put on your big-boy pants… by which I mean pull them up so your underwear isn’t showing, punk.

*So, I was thinking… no… I can wait until you finish laughing…

*Sometimes, the worst decisions we make required the most thought.

*No means no… guys… I’m talking to you.

*People… give your inner child some crayons, for cryin’ out loud.

*What is wrong with you people? Oh… right… this is Twitter… I forgot where I was…

*I love you all… now shut your pie holes.

*No, dammit, I am still not going to pull your finger.

*Do you understand the words that are coming out of my keyboard?

*Cool… when I push these little buttons, words appear in that box right there… like magic.

*I am good at starts… fits and starts… finishing stuff… not so much.

*How come we can regard things? When did we ever ‘gard’ them in the first place?

*Oh yeah, I got life by the balls… excuse me… I have to go wash my hands…

*If you start two petitions, I guess that would repetition, right?

*Who let you back in here? Security!