Here is another of my early posts, recycled for your entertainment. I think I wrote it on Groundhog Day, but that is just a guess…

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We need more special days…

So once again I randomly grabbed something from my crap-filled drawers of mystery. It was an unfinished idea, written on pages ripped from a 1987 calendar that I must have once used as a note pad for jotting down crazy ideas. In those drawers are an astounding collection of  every kind of paper ever made, bar napkins, old envelopes, pages of every size and color. On them are ideas for plays, jokes, novels, finished and unfinished songs and stories, and just things I thought were funny at the time. There is nothing on earth sadder than me with an idea and no paper, trust me…

The premise of this idea is simple. If we can take the time to have a Groundhog Day and a Columbus Day, we can sure as heck afford to add some more special days to our calendar. I will transcribe verbatim from my scrawled writings, which frankly, I can barely read myself. Just be glad I am typing this stuff up with readable font and a spell-checker…

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1. Say only nice things day; It will be hard, but we can do it. Your mother would approve…

2. Tell your friends you love them day; I love you, man…

3. National say hello to the living things inside you day; Pat your stomach and say thank you to the bacteria that lives in your guts and helps break down the proteins to give you energy, while turning food everyone needs into crap no one wants. They are the original recyclers! And what a thankless job they have, so tell the little guys you appreciate them…

which leads to…

4. International take a crap in someone’s yard if their dog craps in your yard day; This requires no explanation, but only do it to people who don’t pick up after their dogs. And I suggest doing it at night…

5. Annual learn about your world day; Go ahead, Google-earth a random country, fly over it like the satellite you are! Zoom in on a city with an interesting name. Learn about it. Maybe try to find the bad part of town… (this is also fun in real life travelling)… admire the architecture, enjoy the colors, see how the natives dress, and what kind of cars they drive. Then read about your pet country. Just as a suggestion, it might be fun to start in Eastern Europe, like maybe try to find Transylvania! But just take a virtual tour and see where you end up… (This idea for a special day, which started as joke, now sounds as if you might actually learn something, so be careful)…

6. Grow some crazy facial hair day; OK, you can’t actually grow it in a day, but fake beards and mustaches will be allowed…

(I admit it, I slipped in facial hair day as an excuse to get rid of two more pics from my Photoshop files)… (the Viking hat is optional)…

7. This last idea is not a day, but I still like it… How about if one year, we try being NICE to each other and visit each other and buy presents for each other, and wear festive colors, and decorate things and hang colored lights for 11 months, and then treat each other like crap for two or three weeks, maybe in December, I haven’t decided yet. Or how about August, when we are all hot and crabby, that would work for me…