This will be the last post making fun of organized religion… I swear on a stack of bi… uh… I promise. This one isn’t a poem. It is just a few notes I jotted down for a religion-based theme park… What could possibly be offensive about that?

I will share them unedited just as I wrote them:

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Old Testament Land-

Women wont be allowed in the good parts…

You have to stand in line in little areas covered in sand and decorated with cacti… and you have to wander around for 40 minutes…

There will be a playground where kids can make pyramids out of blocks… but they have to make the blocks themselves out of mud and straw… The employees will be dressed as Egyptian overseers….

Noah’s Ark… part water ride, part petting zoo…

Swimming pool… lifeguards dressed like John the Baptist… the shallow end is so shallow it looks like you are walking on water… Big cement whale with open mouth in the deep end so you can play Jonah…

Garden of Eden restaurant… servers are dressed in fig leaves…vegetarian food…no apples served…

Thrill ride… Pharisees of the Caribbean…

Inclusive of all religions… on December 7th, Rabbis drop fake stone tablets on people’s heads… Torah Torah Torah…

Buddhist video game parlor… unlimited play… no  matter how many times you die you keep coming back…

Extremist Land-

Piles of rocks laying around to throw at anyone who is gay… or different… or just disagrees with your views…

Free megaphones so you can condemn more people to hell at one time…