***(Contains adult content)***(really immature adult content)***

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*You know those people who insist they haven’t evolved from apes? Some of them are right. They haven’t evolved at all…

*Always make sure to cover your own ass… and by that I mean: Dude, pull your pants up!

*I wish I was smarter than I am… but I’m not…

*We all have needs, we all have wants… just make sure you don’t get the two mixed up…

*If I had a dime for every time I had a dime, I would have, like… twice as many dimes…

*I am going to steal a gold cup from the dragon’s treasure, so if you live in a small town below the mountain… run!

*If life hands you lemons, at least you wont get scurvy…

*Life can’t beat you as long as you keep getting back up…

*When life deals you blows… turn them into blowjobs…

*Some days you eat the lion… and some days, the lion eats you…

*There is a secret to life… just don’t hurt anybody… is that so freakin’ hard???

*Don’t write about having nothing to say… too many people are already doing that…

*Spice is the variety of life…

*If at first you don’t succeed, why try again?

*Happy Father’s Day… if you haven’t made a baby yet, get busy… go on… we’ll wait…

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*I pissed off WordPress. I did a fake spam and pasted it into a bunch of blogs. They might shut my blog down…

*My life sucks… what are you all so happy about?

*My blog is no longer shut down… you can all breathe again…

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*Sign over the door of a bar in Texas:

Liquor in the front

Poker in the rear

(If you don’t get it, try saying it out loud)…

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