Nobody wants to play the rhyming game, so you get more of the crazy stuff that flows out of my head… sorry, but some of these are a little more adult in nature…

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*If you give a hungry man a fish, you feed him for a day… if you smack him with the fish, you can laugh about it for years…

*Give love away… you can always make more…

*I want to be so popular that everybody hates me…

*I stick my big thoughts into this tiny box and try to make you feel good… That sounds a lot like sex…

*I do not look at Twitter as a waste of time… well, maybe your time… but not mine…

*Cryin’ wont help ya, prayin’ wont do you no good… stupid levy…

*If I wanted any of your lip… I would scrape it off my zipper…

*Don’t live life like you mean it… really mean it…

*If life gives you lemons, that is nature’s way of telling you you are too sweet…

*I have never wasted beer… but beer has wasted me…

*Time to put on your big-boy pants… yeah… you can leave the diaper on underneath…

*Does anybody know where I can get some bacon with gravy???

*Moms… you can’t live with them… forever… you can’t live without them… literally…

*To get a Mother’s Day card, all you have to do is squeeze a human out of your privates and then take care of it… forever…

*Cheer up, buck up, lighten up, lift up, keep up… but don’t ever give up…

*I got my mojo risin’… oh… wait… that ain’t my mojo… never mind…

*If you come to my house you can get your crotch sniffed… no, you idiot, we have a dog…

*Is there a reason that a penis has to look like a mushroom with really ugly feet???

*Every time someone unfollows me, a rainbow shoots right back inside a unicorn’s ass…

*Every time someone unfollows me, and angel discovers internet porn…

*I’m being unfollowed by a moon-shadow…