More sweet tweets from my twisted brain…

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*Head over heels in love is nice… but not as nice as the heels over head kind…

*People who live in glass houses should not throw stones… or orgies…

*I don’t care what the song says… it is not fun to stay at the YMCA…

*You can lead a horse to water… or you could just ride it…

*I never talk down to you… even though I am a lot taller than you are…

*mmmmmm… food… best invention ever…

*Don’t take this the wrong way… but you take everything the wrong way…

*Dance like nobody is watching… because we all turned our heads away to hide the snickering…

*You are always the voice of reason… and a little bit of anger…

*I Googled potato… there is one called the ‘Pink Eye’… yum…

*Love can feel like so many things… from a soft hug to a hard kick in the nuts…

*Love means never having to say you’re sorry… sorry… I couldn’t say that with a straight face…

*If weather people are only right 30% of the time, they should have to say: “Today there will be a 30% chance of a 60% chance of rain”…

*Word to my Mother… and it better be a really polite word…

*I’m not getting any younger… but I make up for it by acting more immature…

*Next time you find yourself complaining about rain falling on your head, look up into space… it could be worse…

*Loose lips sink ships… if you have some really loose lips…

*Life is like a shit sandwich…  the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat…

*Holy crap! No… really… it had holes in it… no more Swiss cheese for me…

*I love this planet! I love what you have done with the place. But maybe you could tidy up before you have other visitors…

*Is it hot in here, or is it just the heater?

*Sometimes it is better to be sorry than safe…

*If you don’t have anything nice to say… join Twitter…

*When the bad aliens get here, you are going to find out that you really need all those people you hate right now…

*If I can get the Pope to tweet me, you will all be so jealous…

*Put your back into it! Oh… dude… shave it first…