I need to come up with a blurb for the first part of my funny science fiction novel. You know, those clever little descriptions they put on the backs of books to suck readers in.
Here is what I came up with…
The Saloon At The Edge Of Everywhere
book one of
The Otherwhere Chronicles
In another reality not so very different from this one, Earth has been overrun by aliens. Oh, I don’t mean that Earth has been invaded by hostile forces. Far from it. The aliens are flocking to Earth to meet humans, the new darlings of the universe. There is just something about the way that humans do things, their creativity and imagination, that sets them apart from all the other races.
The humans themselves are setting forth to explore the reaches of space. Finding that the universe truly was filled with intelligent, friendly civilizations, curiosity and the love of a good vacation destination make space travel hard to resist.
Of course, in a universe that large, not all of the beings living there were as friendly as we might all wish. There are a few bad apples in every barrel.
Arthur Blacke, (pronounced Black), might be the universe’s least likely hero. He is over fifty years old and works as a custodian in a Texas saloon on a big, alien space station called the Hub. Arthur is lazy, opinionated, and self-absorbed. He has, to put it mildly, a complete lack of ambition. The high point of his life is the weekly poker game he hosts with a strange cast of alien and human friends. And he is quite satisfied with that.
Then one night the poker game is interrupted when alien pirates arrive at the Hub in a highjacked cruise liner. Arthur leads a ragtag assortment of misfit aliens and humans on a daring mission to free the hostages and finds out, much to his and everyone else’s surprise, that he has some seriously unexpected talents. But mostly what he has are brave and loyal friends and a whole lot of luck.
———————————————————————–
Jessica says it is way too long. It needs to be like one big paragraph. Some of you have read the first part. How can I possibly edit this down and still include enough information.
Please help. Think of it as a game. Or a challenge. Or just helping a friend.
Pouring My Art Out 
I agree with your daughter – it needs to be much shorter! This is what I would suggest:
In another reality not so very different from this one, Earth has been overrun by aliens. They are flocking to Earth to meet humans, the new darlings of the universe. There is just something about the way humans do things, their creativity and imagination, setting them apart from all the other races.
Arthur Blacke, might be the universe’s least likely hero. He is over fifty years old, is lazy, opinionated and self-absorbed. One night his weekly poker game is interrupted when alien pirates arrive in a highjacked cruise liner. Arthur leads a ragtag assortment of misfit aliens and humans on a daring mission and finds out, much to his and everyone else’s surprise, he has some seriously unexpected talents. But mostly what he has are brave and loyal friends and a whole lot of luck.
That is very much like the way Jessica shortened it. Thanks for caring enough to do that. Really.
Second nature for me – it’s like advertising copy. If you need or want any help, let me know & I’d be happy to put in my 2 cents.
It will come up again in a month or two when the second book comes out.
I have a whole great long edit — sorry to take up so much space.
WP won’t let me use color, which I used in the edit. Please drop me a line at jatwood234(at)gmail.com, and I will forward it. I can’t wait to read the novel!
I am sending it now…
Great!
I do agree it should probably be a little thinner, but I too find it too hard to kull words… after all, I do love them so! Perhaps someone could edit it for you? Another thing I saw someone do, and I think it may have been Stephen King in the book The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, was at the top of the blurb he quoted what was probably the best quote from the book. It was the reason I picked up the book in the first place and I really liked the idea. It’s great to get the sound of the book / character in one quick shot. But overall, it does sound great!
But my book is just one long string of clever quotes and awesome descriptions. Ha!!! Jess decided I was being hard to work with and butchered… uh… edited it herself.
I like the sound of her! We all need a Jess huh?
Or two or three. Then we could really get stuff done. I should clone her.
So I just took what you had written and cut and pasted and deleted. Here’s what I got:
Humans are the new darlings of the universe, and aliens are flocking to Earth to observe them. There is just something about the way that humans do things, their creativity and imagination, that sets them apart. And humans themselves have set forth to explore the alien universe. They have found that the universe truly is filled with intelligent, friendly civilizations. That, plus natural human curiosity and the love of a good vacation destination make space travel hard to resist. Of course, there are a few bad apples in every barrel, and humans have found that not all aliens are as friendly as they might wish.
Arthrur Blacke is over fifty years old and works as a custodian in a Texas saloon on an alien space station called the Hub. Arthur is lazy, opinionated, and self-absorbed. He has, to put it mildly, a complete lack of ambition. The high point of his life is the weekly poker game he hosts with a strange cast of alien and human friends. And he is quite satisfied with that. Arthur might be the least likely hero in the universe. But one night the poker game is interrupted by alien pirates who arrive in a high-jacked cruise liner carrying (number) passengers. Arthur leads a ragtag assortment of human and alien misfits on a daring mission to free the hostages and finds out, much to his and everyone else’s surprise, that he has some seriously unexpected talents. But mostly what he has are brave and loyal friends and a whole lot of luck.
I tried one that size and she said it was still way too big. So was the smaller one. I guess she decided to do it herself. Man, my kid is just like me. But thank you so much.
I liked the description. It made me want to read the book, and this is the first time I’ve even read anything on your blog. 🙂
Awwww…. and yay. My daughter is setting the book up right now. I am so excited I am freeking out.
I’m really liking it so far. I’m ready to read it now. Any chance it will be available for Kindles?
That is the plan. Also in real dead tree form, and other electronic magic ways. I am a computer moron so my daughter is doing that part of it. I swear, I have read parts of it a thousand times and they still make me laugh. I make fun of everything that people do. That is really the reason for the aliens. An outside perspective. And the first part is going to be real cheap. I had to break it into four parts. It was about 500 pages long.
Seriously. I’m looking forward to it. I read SciFi primarily and humorous SciFi is very nearly an automatic purchase for me. I’ve been a long time fan of Keith Laumer’s “Retief” series and anything by Robert Sheckley.
I love Retief. I can’t keep going on about my own book without seeming like I am just drumming up business. So on a side note, as a married heterosexual, can I just say that I really like your picture? You look so thoughtful and wise. It matches your little bio thing. My picture make me look like a smart ass, which also matches my bio… sigh… because I am…
Thanks dude. That really is me. I’ve been a bit leery about putting too much info about me out there. But I see many other folks doing it, I decided to take the plunge.
If we match our bios, I guess we’re doing something right, eh?
I worried about that too. But this blog really is my whole life, my art, my songs, my stories. And my book has my real name on it, so I guess anybody could just look me up in the phone book. I will not feel famous until I have at least one stalker… or until Brad Pitt plays me in the movie of my book. Did I mention the main character is really me? Arthur Blacke…(pronounced black)… I am so subtle.
Hey, it’s important to write what you know. “I” appear in my writing very often. I don’t always realize it until much later though.
Hugh Jackman will have to play me, in the movie about me. *ahem*…yes…
I went with Brad Pitt without thinking it through. I need it to be someone over 50 years old, and tall. I may just have to play myself.
Hmm. Harrison Ford?
Ooooh…. That would work. Scruffy and a bit gruff. Perfect.
Write it as a normal guy in an unusual situation or an unusual guy in a normal situation. I think this book leans more toward the first, but I also don’t think Arthur Blacke is too normal.
Ha!
Yep – too long – gives away too much. Sounds like a great tale.
“The aliens are flocking to Earth to meet humans, the new darlings of the universe.
The humans themselves are setting forth to explore the reaches of space.
Of course, in a universe that large, not all of the beings living there were as friendly as might be wished.
Aging Arthur Blacke might be the universe’s least likely hero works as a custodian in a Texas saloon on a big, alien space station called the Hub.
Nothing special until a nightly poker game is interrupted by alien pirates in a highjacked cruise liner. Will the Hub’s ragtag assortment of misfit aliens and humans manage to free the hostages? They’ll need more than luck. They’ll need Arthur.
OK
Totally brain dead, but gave it a try….Now you cut that down even more?
That is really good.
well, it’s shorter, I was pretty tired – hope it helps. You want to make the reader curious without giving away too much?
It really is a key point to suck people in. Thanks for the help.
Maybe make the blurb something like “So f*****g funny that space-s**t came out of my nose,” or just go with the clichéd blurb– “A literary tour-de-force,” “Breathtaking,” “Stunning,” “An early contender for book of the century.” Or combine all those into one. I don’t know, I’m just some guy.
I have funny quotes like that on the cover. This is just to put on the website where it is being sold. And you are not just ‘some guy’, or you wouldn’t be trying to help me fullfill a dream I have worked on for three years.
Look up a few descriptions from other SciFi books. It always helps me whenever I need movie loglines/taglines. And I agree with the above comment. The third paragraph is essential.
I like the helpful you… you… you, you.
I like the innocent “help me I’m so clueless” you.
Oh man, you kill me.
Are you giving me permission?
Like you wait for the okay before you kill people. I know you better than that.
one of my favorite quotes is, “If I had time I would have written a shorter letter.”
Basically, it takes so much time to shorten one’s writing. I think it is a very good blurb and really captured my attention. I’d love to read the book!
Jessica is right, though. You need to shorten it down to a paragraph or two.
The last paragraph is essential, in my opinion. I would try to keep most of the second to last paragraph. Also, if I had to choose I would say delete the 2nd and 3rd paragraph. Only keep the the 1st and 3rd sentence of the 1st paragraph.
Feel free to totally ignore my advice…if not, I hope it helped at least a little bit! Good luck with your writing:)
Thank you so much. The book should be going live tonight.