I know you are busy making your billions of people work 18 hours a day, 7 days a week, in horrible conditions in huge factory-sized sweat-shops so they can make lead paint-covered products to slowly kill people in other countries, but I have a favor to ask you.
Can you please stop making it so that all those billions of people over there can’t read my blog?
I am sure you have good reasons for keeping your people off the interwebs. It hasn’t done anything to make the rest of the world more productive. And I can see how you wouldn’t want all your teeming masses to learn too much about how bad off they are by seeing how the rest of the world lives. But my blog isn’t going to make them rise up and rebel against you. Quite the opposite in fact. It will just give them something to smile about during their two minutes of free time.
The reason I ask is because I am treating the map on my stats page like a game of Risk. I want to get at least one hit from every country on the planet, and you… and Greenland and a couple of African countries are all that is standing in my way of global domination.
Thank you.
Pouring My Art Out 
You’re never gonna get North Korea, either. So there.
sigh
Can you do a screen grab of your map? I’d love to see how much catching up I have to do. I’ve got 51 countries so far.
I don’t know, but let’s just say that if I was playing Risk, I would be kicking butt.
110 countries if I counted right.
Oh, man.
Yup.
And I just got GREENLAND!!!! Happy dance!!!!
oh man
Bwahahahahaha! Take THAT!
I even used their language and everything.
Maybe you should be Secretary of State!
I am too busy ruling all of the universes.
Of course, Emperor. Wait — he was a despot and an unethical fellow all over — not you.
I have my moments.
Would you get a pingpongback in China?
You are too clever for my own good…
I remember Risk; I wonder if you can play it on line?
I am. That’s the point. Seriously, my friends do that.
ying ping cheang guang dong pong shu….
Please… not in front of the ladies…
Sarcasm is the best form of entertainment int the world
Hey frequentneed… you are real! You were my 500th follower. I tried to go to your blog, and WordPress said they couldn’t find it.
Well that’s ridiculously sad. 😦 I feel bad now, and that’s no sarcasm! I’m real…..I post things….occasionally someone might read them lol I’m glad I brought you a good number at lease 🙂
I blame WordPress… I may have to start another revolution.
The Chinese don’t like talk of revolution, this may be the problem.
Oh… you always figure these things out.
Just call the revolution something else, they’ll never know.
I will call it Peaceful love and fun-time candy corn rainbow place!
They’ll come in their droves. And they are easily brainwashed. Up the peaceful love and fun-time candy corn rainbow place!
It just rolls off the tongue… especially in Mandarin.
It slices the tongue like a mandolin.
I’m all out of things that sound the same
I already did the panderin’ to the Manderin. Isn’t there an animal or a fruit called the Tamarin?
Yes! I have tamarind paste in my fridge
I am clammerin’ for some tamarind… sigh.
You’re good at this game
I was stammerin’ when I said that last one. Now I am just hammerin’ the point home.
You still jammerin…jabbering…see, I can’t do this
It takes practice… and a weird mind… and free time…
I’m only part of the way there
That shouldn’t be hard to get visits from China. You just have to start blogging in Chinese. The problem is, once you mention Chinese Internet ban on your blog, China will block access to your blog.
Wo hai jing chu lung lo bong fang schwing!
I have no idea what this means, so I’ll take it that you agree 🙂
I will take it the same way!
Oh man, I’m actually one up on you! I got China!
They hate me… I knew it.
Man that’s a lot of people hating on you.
That isn’t all the people who hate me.
Yeah, I hear India’s pretty down on you too. That’s like 2 billion people today, man. Harsh. Real harsh.
Hey, go big or go home…
Would it be cheating to send friends or family to those countries to log on and reach out to your blog?
No. Wait… you mean my family or yours? Because if you are volunteering…
Oh, interesting. I have a friend who goes to China every other year or so… I could make that one happen!
Dude… that would be so awesome. I don’t even care if that is cheating. I got hits from Ireland because one of my daughter’s friends was travelling there.
Ok, you’re on. I’ll chat with him in the next couple of days and see when he is headed to China next (his wife has family there… maybe I can convince him to pass the link along). If you haven’t heard from me by the end of the week, yell at me or something so I don’t forget!
I bet I forget before you do. I am that spacey. But the idea is still a good one. Thanks.
abolish minimum wage, and China will go bankrupt in a year!
Abolish it here or there? We owe too much money to China to make them mad.
-thinks- Pretty sure I have had…two visit my main blog from China. Not sure if they liked it though.
So there is no internet ban in China? They all just hate me? That is not a good feeling.
Well considering I only got two out of…how many billion people? Not really something to go by for popularity. ❤
Then you can imagine how I feel…
i think your problem is that pouringmyartout is in fact mandarin for, ‘hu jintao smells of wee’
ahaha!
true story
sigh…
i believe it!
Would you two like to be alone?
anything else you may need translating from mandarin, please don’t hesitate to ask; freeofcharge – mandarin for ‘ten pound a pop’
ahaha! why thank you 🙂
…because it’s polite 🙂
of course it is….
whereas barging in on other people’s conversations under the misguided notion that one somehow owns one’s own blog comments, and then justifying the u-turn on one’s aforementioned principles by citing comment statistics…………………..is why we love him so
you said it and it was plain English!!
i often feel most comfortable in my fourth language
which is?
english…..
oops duh…lol
it’s ok, my first three languages are english also
well pft
bless you
Thank you, your Holiness…
lol
olo
pft well.
wepfltl
Does that rhyme with wetfart?
Notice that ‘english’ is not capitalized…
notice that you have no chinese people visiting your blog….
You got me on that one…
ahh….my work here is done
You have been laid off.
promoted
Ah, bumped up the corporate ladder. Remember my words of wisdom; Just because your boss says he wants to try you out in a new position doesn’t mean you are going to get a raise or a promotion.
then pray, what does it mean?
Not on this blog. This is a family show.
Now that is some English!
i know eh?!
Like you are making it up as you go…
Which he is still learning.
well it’s so much bigger than american
I don’t want to argue about size…
because you’ll lose…
Being the size that I am, that hardly ever comes up… ummm… you know what I mean…
i have read about a few extraordinary cases
Where are you going with this exactly?
hmm…making you feel uncomfortable is it….allow me to bow out gracefully
Oh you live for making me feel uncomfortable.
Baby talk. Right after pig Latin.
my thoughts exactly
My thoughts are never exact.
You only know four?
my fourth of fifteen
On my planet you can’t graduate kindergarden until you have mastered all 704 of the most important intergalactic languages… and by mastered I mean get your face slapped in a bar.
hundred….fifteen hundred…silly wordpress replying before i’d finished
They need another revolution. Light the beavers!
haha…light the beavers….excellent
Let slip the beavers of war!
‘the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy with beavers’
It is to subdue the enemy without having to resort to beavers. It is more complex than it sounds.
i was quoting Sun Hat
I was quoting Fog Hat
they let you in to bars in kindergarten?
We age slowly. Long lifespan. It is a curse and a blessing.
a blessing for you and a curse for us?
That is one way to look at it.
What I mean is that I come to care a great deal about some of you short-lived mayfly-like creatures, and you are gone before I am prepared to deal with it.
then i offer our humblest apologies for dying on you in such a rapid and perfunctory manner
Well try to put it off as long as you can.
Yeah… what she said… only in Schezuan…
Ha… I thought you were going to chew me out.. Chew… that is Manderin for ‘yell at’…
no it isn’t……
Oh… right… that is Cantonese… sorry.
don’t apologise to me, apologise to the billion you’ve just offended
My pronunciation was a little sloppy… no wonder China hates me…
maybe they see you as a global economic threat….be very wary if they start buying up your debts….
I want them to take over the world. I love Chinese food.
but they may ban your blog forever….and i don’t know about you guys, but we can get chinese food here extremely easily without them having to run the world
Good point. Okay, I got to crash or I will be all crabby tomorrow.
nighty night
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
oh fer cryin’ out loud…
got issues?
Got tissues?
eh
like issues only… never mind…
I like their oranges…
which bizarrely means ‘i like their oranges…’ dots included
Oh those crazy Mandarins.
I am panderin’ to a Manderin.
Oh stop encouraging him.
jealous?
Maybe. But I am getting comment numbers on my stats, so…
That would explain a lot.
whereas trent lewin means ‘china invented the beaver’
But Canada was the first to light them on fire and use them in combat!
yes stats
Word to yo numbers.
the chinese don’t mind that; look how doing it to fireworks took off……………………
this is reply to the beaver comment
Really, because it sounds like you are talking about Gangnam style.
are you attempting to offend the koreans now?
I am on a roll… an egg roll…
you mean egg lorr
You are pushing the limits of political correctness!