We are now getting to some of the more advanced tips on getting away with being a complete curmudgeon, scoundrel, cad and bounder… sorry for the harsh terminology.

When you are confronted with accusations pertaining to your outlandish behavior, and someone is pointing out your misdeeds and misdoings, instead of answering the allegations, try saying the following:

“I know you are, but what am I?”

Every time anybody so much as mentions your disgusting outrage, just reply with that line. In fact, you can step up your game by repeating the line over and over again, until such time as your accuser shakes their head in disgust and walks away.

Of course, that reply might not always work in the context of your particular horribleness. You can substitute something like:

“No, you did!”

Or just:

“Wrong!”