Here is another good trick for getting yourself out of hot water once you commit your life to being a really horrible person. Whenever someone asks you why you did one of the horrible things you did, immediately respond by saying whichever of the following that makes the most grammatical sense, making sure to include the first name that pops into your head:

“Insert name here did it first!”

“Insert name here did it worse than me!”

“Insert name here did something else that way worse!”

If you can’t think of a name, just point to anyone in the room, and say they did it first… or worse… or something else way worse.

Remember, don’t actually admit that you actually did whatever it is they say you did.