… sending light to the furthest reaches of all that you are… Make sure some of that light reaches Uranus…
Oh man… I crack me up…
Seriously, if you are getting older, have you backside checked regularly.
Wait… you know I meant by a doctor, right?
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Pouring My Art Out by Arthur H. Browne is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.Based on a work at https://pouringmyartout.wordpress.com/.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
Pouring My Art Out 
Bwahaha! I challenge your readers to tell us their funniest colonoscopy story. I’ll start. i am fascinated by the internal structure of our bodies,including the colon. Not that I’d volunteer for a colonoscopy but when I have to participate I like to watch on the big colored screen. There are all sorts of structures in there – one of which looks like the inside of a big triangular slinky. I was watching closely as the doctor advanced the camera and probe checking out various kinks and folds and bends for polyps, as I had already had colon cancer and was a year cancer free and was having a check up. For those who have never had a colonoscopy, they offer sedatives that make you happy and there is no pain. The probe is about the size of your middle finger and is operated by the doctor. It has a camera, lights, a claw like assembly for taking tissue samples and a water nozzle for cleaning off surfaces for better viewing and an air nozzle that allows the colon to be straightened so the probe can pass. This is a lot of technology to navigate up your ass, so there is always a colonoscopy nurse behind the doctor (literally) operating the various systems as the doctor orders. There is usually a student or two hanging around too, at least in our hospital which is a teaching hospital. This particular time I had a new (to me) doctor who was very organized and very abrupt. He had the bedside manner of a rattle snake. So, there’s me just bursting with questions and full of bravery from the sedative, asking “what is this…? and “what is that…?” and after a while he refused to answer. I took the hint and stopped asking. The nurse had worked this detail for 20 years and had seen many doctors come and go. The doctor had the camera focused on a small polyp (and there are many in there especially when you are older – few if any are cancerous) and he wanted a better look. He asked the nurse tersely to spray water on the spot. As she engaged the water jet, she ducked and hollered loudly: “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!”
i laughed so hard that the screen was just a blur from the probe jiggling inside. The doctor said nothing but stood and stared at the screen with his face screwed up like he had just eaten a lemon. The nurse said nothing but had a shit-eating grin on her face. The two students, covered their mouths and turned away, shaking with laughter.
All I know is that the stuff they make you drink the day before to ‘clear the way’ is some scary stuff… and tasted horrible too…
yeah,that’s the worst part. Because I have kidney failure, I can’t use that lemon stuff. Instead I get (I kid you not) a gallon jug with powder in the bottom. I fill the jug with water and mix and have to drink an eight ounce glass every 15 minutes until finished. I usually drink a 26 of rye with it – improves he taste.
oh man
Okay, that was funny. Wonderful send-up of the really New-ageish stuff we’ve all seen.
I was hoping it would seem like one of those poems I do now and then… until it suddenly wasn’t anymore… HA!
If a doctor is not available, I am prepared to have a look, readers…
uh… thanks?