Your heart is the beating pulse of the universe that is you…

… sending light to the furthest reaches of all that you are… Make sure some of that light reaches Uranus…

Oh man… I crack me up…

Seriously, if you are getting older, have you backside checked regularly.

Wait… you know I meant by a doctor, right?


About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
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8 Responses to Your heart is the beating pulse of the universe that is you…

  1. Paul says:

    Bwahaha! I challenge your readers to tell us their funniest colonoscopy story. I’ll start. i am fascinated by the internal structure of our bodies,including the colon. Not that I’d volunteer for a colonoscopy but when I have to participate I like to watch on the big colored screen. There are all sorts of structures in there – one of which looks like the inside of a big triangular slinky. I was watching closely as the doctor advanced the camera and probe checking out various kinks and folds and bends for polyps, as I had already had colon cancer and was a year cancer free and was having a check up. For those who have never had a colonoscopy, they offer sedatives that make you happy and there is no pain. The probe is about the size of your middle finger and is operated by the doctor. It has a camera, lights, a claw like assembly for taking tissue samples and a water nozzle for cleaning off surfaces for better viewing and an air nozzle that allows the colon to be straightened so the probe can pass. This is a lot of technology to navigate up your ass, so there is always a colonoscopy nurse behind the doctor (literally) operating the various systems as the doctor orders. There is usually a student or two hanging around too, at least in our hospital which is a teaching hospital. This particular time I had a new (to me) doctor who was very organized and very abrupt. He had the bedside manner of a rattle snake. So, there’s me just bursting with questions and full of bravery from the sedative, asking “what is this…? and “what is that…?” and after a while he refused to answer. I took the hint and stopped asking. The nurse had worked this detail for 20 years and had seen many doctors come and go. The doctor had the camera focused on a small polyp (and there are many in there especially when you are older – few if any are cancerous) and he wanted a better look. He asked the nurse tersely to spray water on the spot. As she engaged the water jet, she ducked and hollered loudly: “FIRE IN THE HOLE!!”

    i laughed so hard that the screen was just a blur from the probe jiggling inside. The doctor said nothing but stood and stared at the screen with his face screwed up like he had just eaten a lemon. The nurse said nothing but had a shit-eating grin on her face. The two students, covered their mouths and turned away, shaking with laughter.

    • All I know is that the stuff they make you drink the day before to ‘clear the way’ is some scary stuff… and tasted horrible too…

      • Paul says:

        yeah,that’s the worst part. Because I have kidney failure, I can’t use that lemon stuff. Instead I get (I kid you not) a gallon jug with powder in the bottom. I fill the jug with water and mix and have to drink an eight ounce glass every 15 minutes until finished. I usually drink a 26 of rye with it – improves he taste.

  2. rohvannyn says:

    Okay, that was funny. Wonderful send-up of the really New-ageish stuff we’ve all seen.

  3. PorterGirl says:

    If a doctor is not available, I am prepared to have a look, readers…

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